Everybody Panic!

Oh my god – the end is near!!

This is bigtime seriousness worthy of multiple exclamation points for maximum emphasis!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some Google big guns broke out the big-girl panties this week and sent a memo to folks in the New York City office informing them of *GASP* reduced cafeteria hours and **DOUBLE GASP** reduced food selection as part of an effort “to find areas where efficiency can be improved.”

ACK!
PHLIK!!
GWOCK!!
::: slow. deep. breaths. :::

Seriously though – you should panic.
Now.

The day you see the big swingin’ dick around town pinchin’ pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
That’s it.
Lights out.
Don’t let the ‘jobs are next to go’ sign hit you in the ass on your way out.

Googlers see Mr. Economy over at the bar putting GHB in Miss Advertising’s cosmo as he prepares to butt rape that bitch well into the next presidency and, since they’ve watched their golden stock get a tad tarnished after losing nearly half it’s value this year, the cheeses are running scared.

They’re derailing the worker-bee gravy train and pulling the plug on some of the perks for which their company is universally famous.

Afternoon tea on Tuesdays?
GONE!
Snack-a-palooza smorgasbord in the micro-kitchen?
NOT ANYMORE!!
Free dinner take-out?
hahahahaha — No.

Google is also shaving a half-hour off the time the hired help get for breakfast.
::: Don’t they know it’s the most important meal of the day?!?!?!  :::

Morning munchtime has been whittled down to one wimpy hour (down from 90 minutes) … and that’s not all! Lunch and Dinner have been trimmed from 2 hours to 90 minutes.
::: quel horreur!!! :::

Oh but it’s not all bad.
The brass did toss the little people a bone … they promised the occasional ‘surprise snack attack’ just like their big-boy counterparts get in Google’s Mountain View, California offices.
::: a teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down … :::

Employee morale meltdown in 3 … 2 …