Posts tagged ‘employment’

YEAH!!!!!


Occupy Sesame Street

Because Bert don’t play, yo!

SOURCE: Break.com

November 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm 3 comments

SOLIDARITY!


There is serious shit going down in Denmark, people!

The decisionizers at the Carlsberg brewery went all ‘beer only during lunchbreaks, slackers!’ and the warehouse staff victims went all ‘fuck that noise, fuckers’ and walked the fuck OUT!

STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!

A spokesbloke for the world’s fourth-largest brewery said “We think times have changed and we need an alcohol policy that is accepted by society – 93% of Danish companies have an alcohol policy.”

Hey there LEMMING! Whatever happened to being bold? Going against the grain?? Doing it your own way and shit???
I mean, what’s next? You tyrants gonna limit breaktime, too? What about the amount of TP used in the WC?!

It’s a slippery slope!
Where does the madness end?????

“There has been free beer, water and soft drinks everywhere. [This week] beers were removed from all refrigerators. The only place you can get a beer in future is in the canteen, at lunch.”

OPPRESSION!!!

Carlsberg drivers claim they have the right to have up to three beers per day outside lunch hours and warehouse workers say they share that entitlement – a claim the brewer shockingly disputes.

Where oh where is Lech Walesa when you need him?!

Soldier on plebians … soldier on …

SOURCE

April 9, 2010 at 10:06 am 1 comment

Happy Layoff To You, Happy Layoff To You!


Old and busted: Surprising the birthday girl with streamers, balloons and cake on her special day
New Hotness: Surprising the birthday girl with the prospect of being laid off on her special day

A certain green-eyed girl I know is about to have a birthday.
A very important birthday.
A 29th birthday which, as we all know, is the true and undeniable symbolic end to the folly and childlike innocence drunken nonstop insanity of youth … which, as we all know, calls for a party with streamers, balloons and cake.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
NOT THIS TIME, BIOTCH!!

[NAME REDACTED],
Please be advise you are required to attend a confidential meeting on Tuesday, April 13, 2010 in the HR conference room.  Your manager will advise you of the meeting agenda on that date.

Regards
[NAME REDACTED]
Human Resources Employment Manager

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhh, let me just tell you there is NO joy quite as joyously joyful as the act of freaking a friend’s shit so bad that every drop of blood drains from her face in less than a nanosecond!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
GOOD TIMES!

But the best part isn’t even the wickedly FANTABULOUS HR prank – which, as we all know, is HELLAMEGAYEAH great.
Nope.
The best part was her hubster’s advice:

“I think that no matter what you should wear a party hat to the meeting. That way if it is a birthday thing then you’ve shown them that you weren’t fooled.

If, on the other hand, it is a firing – they simply cannot fire you … not wearing a birthday hat.

And if it is a departmental downsizing then they’ll want to keep you because you’ve obviously got the best attitude … you know … wearing a party hat to the down sizing.”

ÜBERHELLAMEGAYEAH!!!!!

Party City here I come!!!

*smooches girl*

April 7, 2010 at 10:02 am 6 comments

Patience, panhandlers!


It’s (almost) time to get happy, hobos because there’s a superserious respectable labor economist-type thinker out there projecting there will be more jobs than people to fill them in the United States by 2018.

USA! USA!!

That’s right breadliners!
You are free to now fully embrace your unemployability and savor that soup kitchen flavor ‘cuz salvation is a mere 2,920 days away!!!

WOO HOOO!!!

In his positively atrociously titled report (After the Recovery: Help Needed – The Coming Labor Shortage and How People in Encore Careers Can Help Solve It), equally atrociously titled Barry Bluestone, Dean of the School of Public Policy and Urban Affairs at Northeastern University, forecasts that within the next eight years there could be at least 5 million potential job vacancies in the United States.

YAY!

And nearly half of them (2.4 million) in social sector jobs in education, health care, government and nonprofit organizations …

WOWEE!!

… assuming a return to healthy economic growth and no change in immigration or labor force participation rates, that is.

Wait.
Did he sneak in an ‘assuming’ in there?

“If the baby boom generation retires from the labor force at the same rate and age as current older workers, the baby bust generation that follows will likely be too small to fill many of the projected new jobs.”

Wait.
Did I sniff an ‘if’?

I did!

‘Assume’ + ‘If’ = UNCERTAINTY!!!

NOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!!!!

Ohh, but hang on there bums – there is a silverlining to Mr. Smartypants’ analysis.

His report is one of four released this week by MetLife Foundation and Civic Ventures, a think tank on baby boomers, work and social purpose. And all four soboringifyouhaveinsomniayou’llbeasleepinnotime reports come to the same conclusion:
Workers over 55 will be vital to meeting work force shortages.

So, see?
Good news!

Long about the time your retirement savings run out and you’ve surrendered or sold most of your assets to feed the members of your extended family and their families who had to move in with you just to get through the New Great Depression ™ – you’ll get to go back to work!

yay?

SOURCE

March 25, 2010 at 10:13 am

No. Sleep. ‘Till. BROOKLYN!


Y’all know I don’t really ‘do’ follow-ups, but since I also don’t really ‘do’ rules or structure or anything resembling something one would consider organized in any way whatsoever – I can ‘do’ whatever I want!
::: yes, it’s great to be me :::

Remember when the NYC powers that be went all ‘full bag of ass’ on the homeless recently?
Well, take a seat kids because those gub’mint windbags found some pity for the poors and are now baby-steppin’ toward benevolence!

Big Apple big shots are backing agreements to house homeless families in unsold luxury condos in Brooklyn.

The apartments are in the in Crown Heights section, have amenities that include granite countertops, terraces, marble bathrooms and walk-in closets and were supposed to sell for $250,000 to $350,000 … you know, back in the olden times when people actually had cool shit like cash monies and credit so they could BUY a place of their own …
::: mem-reez … light the corners of my mind … :::

But times are hard and pretty much every third person on the planet is out of work, out of luck and out on the street — so hobo housing is where it’s at!

The city is paying about $2,700 a month for each apartment, which includes awesomeness like social services and job counseling.

This is goodness — straight UP!

And you asshats who try to get your comment on and go all ‘Get a job, ya bums’ with your high-and-mightiness?
Step back, get a clue and REKONIZE that homelessness is a national problem that’s growing to epidemic proportions due to the economy, foreclosures, the economy, job losses, the economy and so on AND that one in every 50 children in our fair land will be homeless at some point.

So those ‘lazy fucking bums’ you’re always bitching about?
Ya, they don’t even rank in the top 100 anymore, ‘kay judgmentals?

THIS is goodness. This is a start …

SOURCE

June 4, 2009 at 3:29 pm 2 comments

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