Posts tagged ‘News’

THEY LIED!!!


All of those Sally Sunshines running around the last few months talking shit about how the New Great Depression is over lied!

It is SO not over!
In fact, we may be headed for mega monetary malaise right NOW!

How do I know?
THIS is how!
———->

World of Decor is soon to be no more!

They even say ‘The end is near’ RIGHT THERE on their billboard of DOOM!

People! Don’t stop buying decor!
The earth can’t survive with no decor and heaven knows I can’t get my decor at just any store!

Hell no!
It’s got to be from World of Decor. It just has to!
They’re not some dinky Decor Depot, Decor Den or Debbie’s Decor Delights (yuk).
No, my friends. This is WORLD of Decor — where they have everything you need to trick our your trailer, put the haute in your habitat and the couture in your crib!

You need them!

Dispossessed of decor, how will you appoint your abode (or cardboard box under the freeway overpass) to reflect the true beauty, elegance and sophistication that says cheap laminate ‘YOU’ to all who enter?
You won’t!

Divested of decor, how will you complete your lawn lion army?!
You won’t!!

Devoid of decor, how will you Louis XIV your living space?!?
YOU WON’T!!!

ACK!

I mean, oh sure, I can go anywhere to get my knick-knacks, tchotchkes and all-around dust-catchers. But when it comes to 15-foot-tall molded-cement statuary or gold-plated or velvet-covered anything – well I shouldn’t have to tell you that you can’t just pick that shit up anywhere, you know.

This is bad … just don’t make it worse by letting anyone from ‘Real Housewives: New Jersey’ know, ‘kay?

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June 6, 2010 at 4:25 pm 3 comments

Ummm …


SOURCE

May 26, 2010 at 2:19 pm 2 comments

Dumb Bitch of the Day


Straight from the ‘Literally too stupid to be allowed in public’ file — a teacher from (like you couldn’t just guess?!) GEORGIA (mmm hmmm) allowed students to don mock Ku Klux Klan outfits for a school project.

Now, when I first read that I was all ‘What in the fucked-up hell kind of bullshit project is that?!’ but then my liberalcommiepinko everyoneshouldbeheard heart was all ‘Maybe I’m not getting the full picture here’ which actually just really pissed me off at me and made me all ‘Fuck that shit — there is no reason on God’s green EARTH that is acceptible!’

And – surprisingly yet thankfully – Lumpkin County School Superintendent Dewey Moye agreed.
::: all hope for our public education system is not lost … :::

He said DBotD Catherine Ariemma, who has taught a course combining U.S. history with film education for several years, could face punishment ranging from suspension to termination.
::: either of which is a perfect chaser for knowing you’re a colossal fucking dumbass without an ounce of common sense and judgment only a Metzger or Duke could love … :::

Ariemma said the whole mess began when her students decided to trace the history of racism in America as their high school project. Five pupils took on the subject, which included one of them filming the other four wearing the repulsive robes while reviewing Klan history.

And (like you couldn’t just guess?!) none of her students are black. (mmm hmmm)

“The kids brought the sheets in, they had SpongeBob party hats underneath to make it shaped like a cone,” Ariemma said. “They cut out the eyes so they could see.”

She then led the students out of the classroom and through the cafeteria to another location for filming.
::: dumb and dumber :::

“That’s when I heard there were a couple of students who were upset,” she said.

SURPRISE, BIATCH!
That shit is offensive!

“It was poor judgment on my part in allowing them to film at school,” Ariemma said. “… That was a hard lesson learned.”

Wait.
What?
The poor judgment was allowing the filming at school?! NOT allowing them to be clothed in what is loathed?!?
::: Calgon, take me away … :::

The sight of people in Klan-like outfits upset some black students at the school and led at least one parent to complain.

Student Cody Rider told local media that his cousin was among those who saw the group in white sheets and was frightened.
“I got mad and stood up and I tried to go handle it,” he told the TV station.

Moye pointed out that Ariemma has no history of missteps at the school.

The Cookie points out that you don’t … until you do …

SOURCE

May 25, 2010 at 9:53 pm 2 comments

GET THE FUNK OUT!


No really.
That’s an order!

Straight from the majorlymegamagicalmouth of the proud papa of one of music’s finest forms comes the most magnificent melodious mandate of the new millenia!

Get THE Funk OUT!

“The state of funk today is kind of funked up,” laments William Earl “Bootsy” Collins. “If you say anything about those old musicians to youngsters today, most of them don’t have a clue. All they know is who their favorite bass player or guitarist is now. They have no idea how to connect those dots, where this style or this music comes from.”

These kids today!

So what’s Bootsy doin’? 😉

Well, starting this July, he’s going to school those young ignorant asses at Funk University, an online bass guitar school he is co-creating and curating with actor-entrepreneur Cory Danziger.

HELL YEAH!!!

As F.U.’s lead professor, Bootsy has designed an intense curriculum tailored for intermediate to advanced bass players as well as anyone interested in a deeper understanding of funk, and has enlisted a who’s-who of bass legends to serve as guest professors.

With the groove our
Only guide
We shall all be moved

In Bootsy’s Lecture Hall, he will provide extensive lectures on funk, the bass, and his body of work, while his professors articulate Bootsy’s lectures with lessons and exercises on bass and rhythm inside the classroom areas.

Now everybody say ‘Bootsy’!
BOOTSY!!
(Everybody come on)

The library will house a wealth of multimedia learning content, from video and audio to gear tutorials. Staff reviews of students’ performance will be conducted periodically, and professors will also hold office hours to answer students’ questions.

On your mark, ready set go
Gotta do a thang, gotta disco

Professor Bootsy will also be judging student track submissions as part of a series of regular school competitions. Interested players are encouraged to sign up for exclusive information at http://thefunkuniversity.com.

Consider me joinin’ the wet set … the workin’ up a SWEAT set, Boot-say!

Enjoy an all-time fave, willya?

May 25, 2010 at 1:26 am

I WANT ONE!!!


I am so jealous!

Chloë Sevigny has what can only be described as THE perfect accessory for summer – her very own drag queen!

I AM SO JEALOUS!!!

I mean, it’s not just that I deserve my own drag queen — WHICH I TOTALLY DO – it’s also that I have EARNED that bitch, goddamnit!!

Is a drag queen not a living caricature?
::: Me :::

Does a drag queen not live to entertain??
::: ME :::

Are drag queens not all hairspray, fabulosity and sequiny-superspecialness???
::: MEEEEEE!!! :::

  • I know the difference between a Bottom and a Top!
  • I can rock that look better than La Palma himherself!!
  • And my appreciation for the arts is indefatigably undeniable!!!
  • The obvious obviosity of me being deserving of of my own drag queen cannot be more … well … OBVIOUS!

    Come on Donna Summersault or Eineeta Lay — I’m ready!!!

    May 23, 2010 at 7:49 pm 4 comments

    Mr. Cookie APPROVED!


    When Mr. Cookie and I go for walks through our neighborhood we routinely pass pet owners guiding leashed dogs along their morning/evening stroll.

    And we used to do the same thing with our most perfect dog in the world EVER before he moved to the great dog-walk in the sky two years ago.

    Except we did it with a pooper-scooper.
    A really cool spring-loaded one that made it easy to handle the business end of the canine constitutional.

    Not so much with most of the poopers we pass these days.

    Coming across random caca at the crosswalk has become common.
    Detecting deposited dung is now just part of the drill.

    And hey — when ya gotta go ya gotta go and all — but how hard is it really to manage that mess?

    Apparently harder for some than others — and the poopetrators in my neighborhood aren’t alone.

    According to Tennessee-based BioPet Vet Lab, 40 percent of dog owners don’t pick up Products of Uranus. With 75 million dogs in the U.S., that adds up to 15 million un-scooped poops — that is if Mr. Preshuss only makes mud bunnies once a day.

    And in Baltimore – there exists an excretor so egregious that the Scarlett Place condo board is proposing DNA testing on all canines in the complex just to get control of the crap!

    “We pay all this money, and we’re walking around stepping in dog poop,” said resident Steven Frans, who is clearly tired of random chocolate kisses. “We bring guests over and this is what they’re greeted by.”

    If the pooposal passes, dog owners would pay $50 per pup, covering the costs of tests and supplies, and an additional $10 per month for the cost of having building staff scoop the poop. Scarlett Place staff would then send the samples to a Tennessee-based company called BioPet Vet Lab.

    Using all the dog swabs, BioPet would create a doggie doo database. The samples would be used to identify the the dastardly depositer who left the colon cookies and the owner would have to pay a $500 fine.

    SHIT!

    Kinda makes that spring-loaded googe-grabber look good right about now, eh? $15.99 … in stores now!

    SOURCE

    May 20, 2010 at 1:41 pm 25 comments

    Timing is everything


    Republican Mark Souder (that undeniable hot piece from Indiana) is resigning today because he was caught having naughty sexy times with a part-time staffer.

    Enjoy this clip of him being interviewed by said staffer about why we need abstinence education.

    gooOOOOOO FAMILY VALUES!!

    May 18, 2010 at 6:17 pm 5 comments

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