Posts tagged ‘new york’

PSA Alert!


Grossified goodness …

::: They’re right … just sayin’ … Stepping off my mini-soapbox now but this bitch should go national … just sayin’ :::

Advertisements

December 21, 2009 at 11:31 am 2 comments

A teaspoon of *&#!!* helps the medicine go down


Just occasionally, every now and then, you run across a story highlighting a shining, glittery human example of class, compassion and composure.

This is not one of those.

This is a story highlighting outrageous idiocy, indignation and irritation of epic proportions.
You know, the kind of shit we LOVE here at LIAC!!

Subway riders got a little girl-on-girl action this week, but not the kind you get to use your safe word with.
::: sadz :::

Two bitches got their brawl on while rolling southbound on New York’s D train because one of them didn’t think covering her cootie-spew was worth a good goddamn.

Which is the precise moment in time when Patty Pandemic piped up that Holly Hacksalot better wrap her disease-ridden trap the next time she felt the urge to expectorate all over the gat damn place!

And the piping persisted as perturbed Patty’s pissiosity precipitously progressed!
::: If you’re reading out loud – you prolly shoudda covered your mouth on that line! Just sayin’ :::

She “continued to yell at the cougher, berating her until she reacted, beginning to curse back,” one witness said. “It escalated, and the accosting woman yelled ‘get the conductor!'”

Eh, but no one did.
And why would they really?
Ringside fight tickets ain’t cheap, yo!

As the train pulled into the station, Holly Hacksalot had had enough – so she did what anyone with no manners or sense of decency, civility or style would do.
She spat ol’ Pat with her gak-filled spew.
::: cue the eww :::

Which is when Patty did just what you thought she’d do by promptly getting her punch and pull on.

“Then the cougher attempted to exit the train as the doors were opening, but the second woman grabbed her by the back of the hair, violently yanking her down to the floor.”
::: Hackey SACK! :::

But, alas – the fun couldn’t last forever and eventually those tricks would go their separate ways … to infect and abuse entire and whole new audiences.
::: That SNOT right!:::

But Holly better watch her step the next time she gets a hankering to hawk one up because the other passengers had Patty’s back on subway scuffle, remarking that Hacksalot “wasn’t even covering her mouth,” [hate that ho] and that they could have cold decked the cougher too because, after all, “that swine flu is treacherous.”

So what have we learned today kiddies?
Manage your malaise or prepare for payback.

We all ok now?
Good. Now go wash your hands. 😉

SOURCE

November 5, 2009 at 11:06 am 2 comments

9/11 Memorabilia FAIL


911fail
Ummm, no.

You don’t get points for taking one of the worst tragedies in human history and turn it in to a plushy toy.

Kitsch does not commemorative make.

‘Nuff said.

September 11, 2009 at 10:08 am 3 comments

SOOOOO CLOSE!!!


I was there!
She was there!!
HE WAS THERE!!!

Every ingredient needed for a scrumptious Obama sandwich complete with juicy Cookie filling was there!
But alas … the most fantabulously fantasized ménage à trois ever dreamed about, hoped and wished for … was not to be.

While I was busy getting my Broadway fill of Reasons to be Pretty, Avenue Q and God of Carnage (go fucking see every one of these right fucking NOW!!!) … my boyfriend and the HBIC were one singular solitarily individual day (and just a couple of measly yards) away catching an evening performance of Joe Turner’s Come and Gone.

They even got their eat on over at Blue Hill restaurant!
BLUE HILL RESTAURANT – which is just the other side of Washington Square Park!!
Washington Square Park, people!!!  Which is the teensiest hop, skip and a jump’s distance from Cooper Square!!!!
COOPER SQUARE, BITCHES!! Which is where yours truly (when she wasn’t boozin’ it on Broadway, taking in Times Square or bustin’ her move in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn) was spending groovy graduation times with the next generation’s most bestly truly talenteds!!!

ACK!!!

CURSE YOU MISSED OPPORTUNITY!!!

::: Well, actually curse YOU Secret Service, White House peeps and  political operatives everywhere for  failing to cut a bitch in on the crucial info! :::

SOURCE

June 1, 2009 at 12:29 pm 1 comment

Start spreadin’ the booze!


My much-anticipated super-duper triple-decker über-ballyhooed way-seriously-overly-compound-modifiered trip to the city so nice they named it twice is mere hours away!!!

I cannot wait to not land belly-down in the Hudson and commence with the convivialities!

24-hour Wine Samplings, Organizing Protests, Liquoration, Terror Plots, Drunky Funs and Swine Flu!!!
New York City has it all — and I am gittin’ me some!

Because you brats wreaked total havoc the last time I took a few, I invite you to partake in a little hide-and-seek style scavenger hunt while I get my good time on.
::: oh stop yer whining – it gives your sorry ass something to do while you wait in line at the unemployment office :::

I have employed the most excellent strategerized methodology to scientifically but at random place 10 American flag icons in various, sundry and multitudinous localities throughout this shitass blog.

The first of you bitches to post a comment with the international coordinates of all 10 icons gets a 100%  jen-ew-wine Big Apple Tee.

And the wordwhore who finds the bonus 11th American flag gets an even specialer something.
::: A thousand times super-fabulouser than my freshly packed protective H1N1 face mask!! :::

Reader dropout in 3 … 2 …

May 22, 2009 at 8:26 pm 4 comments

No pay no stay


It’s just all-out hostility against the hobos and the poors these days!

Even after getting serious stimulus money, states are still cutting jobs, bull-dozing benefits and — as of this month — one city (NYC) will begin charging rent to working families staying in public homeless shelters.
::: What’s next?!? Tipping the breadline soup scooper??? :::

This latest societal bitchslap to the bereft is made possible by a 1997 state law allowing shelter managers to force flat-broke fams to fork over a portion of their income, depending on the shelter and family size.

For some of the strapped, this could mean handing over up to half their earnings.

PHILANTHROPY
FAIL!!!
(for serious!!!!)

How is a family supposed to save enough to get out of the shelter when they’re coughing up more than 50% of their take-home cash to the shelter?

Huh?
HUH, MR. GUY IN CHARGE?!?
::: rhetorical question, Bub — no one believes you care … :::

“I think it’s hard to argue that families that can contribute to their shelter cost shouldn’t,” commented one callous commish. “I don’t see this playing out in an adverse way.”

Really?
You sure about that??

Because I’m thinking that a state that eagerly earmarks

  • $2,500 for the Doll and Toy Museum of New York City
  • $2,500 for the Brooklyn Cricket League
  • $6,000 for the Harlem Honeys and Bears senior citizen swim team
  • $6,500 for the Utica Curling Club
  • $10,500 for the American Association for the Improvement of Boxing
    and
  • $15,000 for the Urban Yoga Foundation
    – would probably enjoy some pretty sweet PR if it found a way to pinch off a few pennies for the penniless, right?
  • Right?!?

     I hope so, ‘cuz you gotta know it would take a ginormous truckload of NOTHIN’ for me to instigate an uprising of the impovrished when I visit New York in two weeks!

    SOURCE
    SOURCE

    May 12, 2009 at 3:51 pm 6 comments

    Godspeed Kiki … Godspeed


    This makes me sad and I know it’s wrong but, oh hell … if Ruth Bader Ginsburg has to get sick then I have to be the happy ho who’s glad it has to happen under my boyfriend‘s left-leaning watch.

    Girlfriend had surgery today at the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York City for pancreatic cancer that is said to be in the early stage.

    The baddest (ok, only) bitch on the Supreme Court had no symptoms before docs discovered a lesion last month during a routine annual check-up.

    Let the vultures start circling, the Repubs start filibustering and the guesses as to her replacement start flowing …

    February 5, 2009 at 7:20 pm 6 comments

    Older Posts


    This is the shit you bitches are reading


    Creative Commons License
    Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


    %d bloggers like this: