Archive for June, 2011
CBS doesn’t seem to have a problem with an ad tagline of ‘Where enthusiasm lives’ under a photo of a woman who looks fucking comatose.
It should read ‘Where enthusiasm died’
Kim Kardashian’s wedding dress?
What do I win, Johnny?!? 😉
You know how some things just ‘are’ no matter how you want to explain them otherwise?
Like the uncanny behavioral resemblance to our parents we all develop with age.
Or the fact that you just read that and went all ‘Pshuh! Not me!’ on that truth.
Some shit just ‘is’.
Such as …
Pull my finger is funny when your 80-year-old grandfather or 4-year-old nephew do it.
Smell my finger? Not so much.
Women have a better sense of smell than men.
Probably because men want us to smell their finger way too much.
On average a woman has 4 sexual partners in her lifetime.
That she’ll admit.
Tracy Morgan’s a dick.
Nope, that’s it.
A chameleon’s tongue is twice the length of its body.
You just had a sexual thought reading that.
English doesn’t have to be read or written from left to right.
Hebrew is right to left. Period.
The invention of the Chocolate Chip Cookie was an accident.
The Canary Islands were named for dogs.
Hounds of hell, to be precise.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
Pregnant teen? Same.
In England, the Speaker of the House doesn’t speak.
In the U.S., that rule should apply to all Tea Party freaks.
Zsa Zsa’s days are numbered.
Don’t argue. You know it’s true.
Mark Douglas’ ‘Beiber Fever’ is so funny you’ll pee yourself.
Go ahead. Download it. You’ve been warned.
In Florida, it’s illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Key West must be exempt.
My brain is tired.
I mean, ok, so I have been out of it for a bit, but really people — this is just a smouldering pile of fuckupery!
Has donating your own plasma suddenly become passé?
Is it no longer profitable to get paid to work the pole?
Did embezzlement somehow become obsolete?
I don’t know how or when it happened but I do know this:
This is a dark day!
THIS is a sure sign of the Apocolypse!!
THIS is when it becomes just a big ol’ bag of crystal clear that this New Great Depression shall see no end!!!
::: this is where you act all concerned and shit :::
Gone are the days of innovative income ideas.
In their place now exists a ramshackle rundown of dastardly deeds I didn’t think could get any worse – ooohhhh but it has!
Because it’s come to this:
Weave Theives are stealing America follicle by faux follicle!
A bunch of bandits recently broke in to an Atlanta beauty store and stone cold STOLE $30,000 worth of extensions!
Lucien Poko, manager at the Beauty Master store near Greenbriar Parkway told Atlanta police that four burglars were driving a black Chevrolet Suburban when they smashed the two front doors of his shop with a rock and went directly to the display of Remi hair extensions.
Those low-down dirty cheaters of the counterfeit coif were probably casing the joint for months. How else can the beeline to those specific braids be explained?!
And this isn’t the first time!
Last month, mop muggers rammed a car through the front door of a Clayton County beauty supply store and made off with $10,000 in fake follicles — a paltry payload by comparison but still distressing to those sans strand and cause for concern for the rest of us as well!
I mean, can you just imagine the HELL there will be to pay if Beyoncé can’t lace up her locks or if Sam Donaldson’s next piece gets purloined?!
And don’t even get me started on Jim Eastabrook!!!
C’mon America! Don’t we have better things to do? Better ways of amassing even the smallest semblance of wealth?!
We can do better!
The time is now to rise, rise I say and RALLY against this hair nightmare before the inanity goes national!!
::: this is where you go ‘bitch was gone for all this time and this is the best she can do on return?! :P:::