Archive for November, 2008

It’s the little things …


I believe in karma.

I believe in karma a LOT.

I take a certain amount of grief for my belief in the karmic ways of the universe … then something like this happens and I get to enjoy seeing that certain little twinkle of recognition in another person’s eyes, which makes me get all tingly inside because, well, that’s what a ‘fuck you’ moment does to me.

And, well, right now is one of those moments.
Right now there’s a dick in my Fantasy Football league having a pretty bad day.

A dick who gave me a mountain of public crap earlier in the season over a trade deal with another team … 
A dick who gave me a mountain of public crap earlier in the season over a trade deal approved by our league’s commissioner.
Ahh, but a trade deal he didn’t like, nonetheless, primarily because he didn’t think to make the offer first and it would have benefitted another team (as trades generally do, idge).
::: bew hew, cry to your mamma. This is football, biatch! :::

And so today I sit here seeing that he is one game away from clinching a playoff berth in a week where play began days ago, making pickups/trades/add-drops impossible … and so the dick in my Fantasy Football league must make it through the last week of regular fantasy play minus his star wide receiver and hope for the best.

Sucks to be YOU, ‘beast’!

Advertisements

November 29, 2008 at 8:32 pm

I just don’t get it



Would you stand online at 4 a.m. for with hundreds of tired, cranky, jacked-up-on-too-much-caffeine freaky folks to get this stupid thing? –>

I wouldn’t, but according to the local rag, two breeders with seven dwarfs kids between them did just that.

These two bitches rolled up at 3 in the A and M, and were queued up with the other losers waiting to snag a bunch of Polly Pocket crap and Littlest Pet Shop shit their spawn will break and lose before Easter.

If, as the saying goes, time actually is money, then I fail to find the bargain here.

Surely there’s a better way to have a merry merry than to pull third-shift hours in pursuit of some silly plaything that’s soon to be passé.

November 28, 2008 at 2:39 pm 18 comments

Be Thankful


I mean, at least no one’s going to kill you and eat you for dinner, right?
::: always two sides … always two sides … :::

So, whatever kind of turkey you are …

be thankful and have a great day!

November 27, 2008 at 1:08 pm

Ok, now everybody REALLY panic


Just as we predicted – the end is nigh!!

Fresh on the heels of their New York office snack-crackdown, Google mucketymucks have taken the first final step into the employment abyss by announcing this week that they will ‘significantly’ reduce the number of contract workers they hire, which we all know is industry speak for ‘Watch your fannies full-timers — YOUR NEXT!

“We have been thinking for some time, before the acute phase of the economic crisis, about significantly reducing the number of contract workers,” a Google mouthpiece confirmed.

Uhhhh HUH …

Google’s headcount at the end of the third quarter was 20,123 company employees and a contractor army some 10,000 strong. Contractors going bye-bye include coders, cafeteria workers and campus bus drivers as well as the most crucial cog in the wheel of commerce –  members of the cleaning crew.
::: fun is fun ’till the toilet paper runs out! :::

Uhhhh HUH …

Didn’t someone who’s name we won’t mention but who’s initials are THE COOKIE say:

“The day you see the big swingin’ dick around town pinchin’ pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
That’s it.
Lights out.
Don’t let the ‘jobs are next to go’ sign hit you in the ass on your way out.”

Uhhhh HUH …

November 26, 2008 at 1:53 pm 1 comment

!! Schadenfreude Alert !!


coulterThe New York Post’s Page Six reports that Ann (I have no) Hart Coulter broke her jaw and now has to have it wired shut.
::: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! :::

I bet that bitch was giving reptilian tongue-flicks to some flaccid Newt Gingrich peen when Trent Lott busted down the door to demand some stank seconds for himself.

She probably tried to get up so fast she got lightheaded, passed out and landed an Olympic-style faceplant on his Norwegian Rose marble floor.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Don’t feel bad for the bitch though – I bet she files for Workman’s comp since it was an on-the-job accident and all … 

But hey – get well … or don’t … whatever …

November 25, 2008 at 6:27 pm 13 comments

It’s that time again!


Not to be outdone by his Hey Mr. Postman March Pardon-Palooza, outgoing sad-excuse-for-a-world-leader George W. Bush forgave more sinners yesterday when he handed out his last batch of ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards.

Among those thrown a legal lifesaver are:
forgive1.) Richard Culpepper of Mahomet, Illinois who was convicted of making false statements to the government.
::: No, I am not plotting to overthrow the government and that is not a 20-foot container of C-4 buried under a bunch of hay in my barn … :::

2.) Carey C. Hice Sr. of Travelers Rest, South Cackalackee, who was convicted of income tax evasion.
:::  WHAT?!? Tax evasion is sooo last year! :::

4.) Paul Julian McCurdy of Sulphur, Oklahoma, who was sentenced for misapplication of bank funds.
::: Kind of like Citigroup … :::

and, my personal favorite:
5.)  Leslie Owen Collier of Charleston, Missouri, who was convicted of violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act.

Apparently Collier’s preferred method of getting rid of annoying animals was to leave them a burger buffet spiked with poison and among the many animals murdered by his method just happened to be the most revered symbol of our nation’s freedom … well, actually three of the most revered symbols of our nation’s freedom.
::: ruh roh … :::

Oh but hey, if you can’t forgive someone for carelessly offing our national emblem for their own convenience, who can you forgive?

“Tis the season!

November 25, 2008 at 2:47 pm 2 comments

I have probs


The Sunday New York Times‘ lede story was about widespread protests after an American missile attack in Pakistan killed a pro-Al-Qaeda British militant — which is all serious and newsy and exactly what you expect from the venerable Gray Lady and so I settled into a deep chair, coffee at the ready, completely prepared for a squinty-eyed, pressed-lipped, totally contemplative read.

Then I saw the lede photo:
23rauf-600

And all I could think of after that was:

TOUCHDOWWWWNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

… ahh Sundays …

Photo: Muhammad Iqbal/Associated Press

November 24, 2008 at 11:35 am 1 comment

Older Posts



Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: