Posts tagged ‘fear’

NO! GET AWAY!!!


June 14, 2010 at 7:12 pm 3 comments

Everybody Panic!


Oh my god – the end is near!!

This is bigtime seriousness worthy of multiple exclamation points for maximum emphasis!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some Google big guns broke out the big-girl panties this week and sent a memo to folks in the New York City office informing them of *GASP* reduced cafeteria hours and **DOUBLE GASP** reduced food selection as part of an effort “to find areas where efficiency can be improved.”

ACK!
PHLIK!!
GWOCK!!
::: slow. deep. breaths. :::

Seriously though – you should panic.
Now.

The day you see the big swingin’ dick around town pinchin’ pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
That’s it.
Lights out.
Don’t let the ‘jobs are next to go’ sign hit you in the ass on your way out.

Googlers see Mr. Economy over at the bar putting GHB in Miss Advertising’s cosmo as he prepares to butt rape that bitch well into the next presidency and, since they’ve watched their golden stock get a tad tarnished after losing nearly half it’s value this year, the cheeses are running scared.

They’re derailing the worker-bee gravy train and pulling the plug on some of the perks for which their company is universally famous.

Afternoon tea on Tuesdays?
GONE!
Snack-a-palooza smorgasbord in the micro-kitchen?
NOT ANYMORE!!
Free dinner take-out?
hahahahaha — No.

Google is also shaving a half-hour off the time the hired help get for breakfast.
::: Don’t they know it’s the most important meal of the day?!?!?!  :::

Morning munchtime has been whittled down to one wimpy hour (down from 90 minutes) … and that’s not all! Lunch and Dinner have been trimmed from 2 hours to 90 minutes.
::: quel horreur!!! :::

Oh but it’s not all bad.
The brass did toss the little people a bone … they promised the occasional ‘surprise snack attack’ just like their big-boy counterparts get in Google’s Mountain View, California offices.
::: a teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down … :::

Employee morale meltdown in 3 … 2 …

October 30, 2008 at 3:38 pm 1 comment

Be not afraid


The 14th named storm of the 2008 hurricane season — Tropical Storm Nana — formed in the Atlantic over the weekend – but not to worry!

I’m predicting an easy ride on this one – not because the National Hurricane Center or the nutzo weatherdudes say she’s gonna dwindle early but because I’m betting the worst Nana will do is bake us cookies and make us go nite nite with no bedtime story.

Oh, and the Name Game’s really fun with this one!

October 13, 2008 at 10:37 am 4 comments

Poo on toast


… they’re calling this bitch Fay …

August 16, 2008 at 11:28 am

Elitist pol lambastes elitist mag’s lampoon


Ruh roh … we’ve barely finished our first cup of coffee and already we have controversy!

Seems some folks who shall remain nameless but whose initials are Everyone Running for President of the United States of America feels The New Yorker magazine went a wee bit too far with the Obama cover art for their new issue.

The illustration is called ‘The Politics of Fear’ and shows a gun totin’ Michelle and Muslim-garbed Barry doin’ the old FOX News terrorist fist jab in the Oval Office while Old Glory burns in the fireplace under a portrait of Osama bin Laden.

What?
Too much?

Seems both The People’s Prince and Big Mac thought so.
O’Baby called the artwork tasteless and offensive and Mav said – ‘uhh, yeah, what he said.’
::: HARSH! :::
No word on what Ron Paul or Cynthia McKinney thought about it, but never fear – I’m sure the ink is drying on those rubber-stamp statements as I type.

No strangers to controversy themselves, the staff at The New Yorker defended the illustration, saying it was meant to mock right-wing depictions of O’Beautiful and his bride (and anyone who didn’t get the hee hee is just a big ol’ stupid, crybaby, poo poo head who should just shut UP already … uhh, or something like that).

“I think the idea that the Obamas are branded as unpatriotic [let alone as terrorists] in certain sectors is preposterous,” artist Barry Blitt wrote in an email to The Huffington Post. “It seemed to me that depicting the concept would show it as the fear-mongering ridiculousness that it is.”

‘Cept Blitt forgot two very important things:

1. His special brand of highbrow toon-time isn’t exactly appreciated by the masses, and by ‘the masses’ I mean folks like those West Virginia asshats who already think my boyfriend is a terrorist and seeing him jokingly portrayed as one in a cartoon is just the kind of rock-solid, irrefutable proof they’re looking for.

2. Obamamania is hopifying the entire world – and you media types are welcome to join the party and bask in the glow of Barry’s audaciousness … as long as your questions aren’t, well, too probing and you stay away from pesky topics like:
religion
(unless he brings it up)
or race
(unless he brings it up, confirms the acceptance of bringing it up or is responding out of sheer necessity to the fact that some other entity did, in fact, bring it up)
or patriotism
(unless he mentions, visits a base somewhere or does a photo-op with a headbandaged soldier on crutches) 
or the fam
(unless he arranges for an Acccess Hollywood interview with Maria Menunos to show that down-home-y side we never get to see)
or … well, just start keeping a list, guys. It’ll be easier that way.

July 14, 2008 at 1:53 pm 9 comments

Good luck on Friday the 13th


If you are paraskavedekatriaphobic, you know that today is the one day when you must be cautious about the dreaded black cat; take care to keep the salt in the shaker; avidly avoid mirrors; leave ladders alone and – in general – stay away from ALL things that could break or fall on you.

Oh cut it — don’t front like you didn’t think about it as soon as you realized the date today! Everyone does — well, a lot of us anyway …
Ending the week on the Devil’s Dozen is the one of the most widely held superstitions in the United States – which means that if you’re not, like, totally careful today — YOU could have one seriously  effed weekend!

Being the wildly superstitious person smart Cookie  that I am, I know to be on the lookout for good luck signs that will help me counteract any bad booga booga looming large today.

Obstacles:
** Acorns are hard to come by here in South Florida – although I do have some Buckeye nuts in the house but given Ohio State’s finish the last two years in f AND b ball –  I don’t think we can count those nuts as a harbinger of good luck.
** I’m fresh out of four-leaf clovers (what? You don’t keep some on hand, you know — just in case?)
** The nearest horse from which I could pull a shoe is at a polo stable a few miles from home – but then there’s that whole breaking and entering mess to deal with and, well, who has time for that on a workday, right?

What to do!
What to do!

Wellllll — as luck would have it — driving out of my neighborhood this morning I saw the crème de la crème – the ultimate – THE most top-shelfiest good luck symbol of them all!
A Rainbow

So, like – whew, right?!?

I’ll cross my fingers for the rest of you.

 Rainbow

June 13, 2008 at 2:23 pm 3 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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