Posts filed under ‘funny’

So that happened …


With the Newtown Massacre just a super-sized slice of  STILL TOO FRESH :(, it’s no small wonder that my snark just isn’t as up-to-snuff as I like that shit to be.

So I’m not even gonna go there right now.

But I’ll leave you with this …

… and tease you with this snippet of a soon-to-be-revealed MAJOR AWARD — Major Awardthe likes of which is eternally unparalleled with any accolade ever accorded to any living organism ever to have existed throughout the entirety of all of the ages known the man!!!

Yup, it’s that big.

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December 31, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Happy Birthday Big Jeezy!


And to those of you who didn’t get what you wanted … deal.

It’s not time to clock out just yet. 😉

252_22958_9fa125f460bb81d861f4e5f086eaae58

Merry Merry!

XOXO — Cookie

P.S. – Cookie Toss This Week 😉

December 25, 2012 at 10:26 pm

London Calling


It is ON!
I am DOIN’ it!!
You better be ready, Great Britain!!!

Lock up the London Cookiebooze and tie up the hounds, ’cause this little trick is LONDON-bound!!

Gonna take in the Thames, check out Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, make my way through the Tate Modern, eat a bite at the crypt cafe in the Church of St. Martin In The Fields, see St. James Park, the Blue Bridge, the Churchill War Rooms, the Wallace Collection, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Fleet Street, Dickens House, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Tower Bridge, Piccadilly Circus, Foyles, London Bank, Green Friday Market … man, I am gonna do it ALL!

Now, y’all have to promise to behave while I’m gone — m’kay pumpkins??
I might even bring you some spotted dick if you’re really good! 😉

Later, bitches!

November 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm 1 comment

Thanksgiving … a time for family …


Enjoy it if you can 😉

XOXO – Cookie

November 21, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Hold EVERYTHING!!!


Forget death and disease!
Forget natural disasters!!
Forget politics!!!

Forget EVERYTHING currently going on in any corner, crevice or crack of the entire and known thing we call THE UNIVERSE
because no event, no occurrence, no happening anywhere is anywhere nearly as interesting, as extraordinary or as singularly significant as what has taken place in that teeny tiny wee little underpopulated location we call China JUST this very weekend!!!!

Chinese Break World Mattress Dominoes Record

OHHH!
EMMMM!!
GEEEEEEE!!!

Is there no deed, development or feat of derring-do the peeps of the planet’s most populous place do not dominate?!?

Seems NOT!

It all went down in a Shanghai shopping mall on Saturday, where China state media approvingly reported that “volunteers, mostly domino lovers, first carefully arranged and leaned against 1,001 mattresses … being careful not to fall back and ruin the rally before it even started.

Can’t you just imagine the chaos if the group of Guinnes go-getters hadn’t been “mostly domino lovers”?!?
Thank GOD they left nothing to chance!!

Cheng Dong, an authenticator from the Guinness World Records, breaks it all down for us …

“For an event like this involving 1,000 people to succeed first time is not just about luck.”
::: Fuck no it’s not! :::

“All other conditions must be correct.”
::: Don’t even argue. They just MUST, OK?!? :::

“First of all, all the participants must fully understand the rules.”
::: Which are basically boiled down to ‘don’t fuck it up!’ :::

“Second, our volunteers were all very brave.”
::: Oh yes. A brave, brave battalion of cushion commandos, indeed! :::

Oh, but victory is fleeting and there is truly no rest for burned out bed bombers!

Because the challenge is born anew, bitches!!

Because just a scant few months ago, it was an American assembly of 850 pallet pilots from the holy grail of all things bed — La Quinta Inns and Suites — who were crowned the officially authenticated Guinness World Record holders for achieving the Largest Human Mattress Dominoes endeavor!

Do we hear 1001, America?!?!?

U-S-A!
U-S-A!!

July 16, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Seriously?


Seriously.
::: meh :::

Today’s ‘No Shit’ bullshit story: Kids who play ‘choking game’ may take other risks, too’.

Seriously?!
Sadly. Seriously.

Someone went out, secured funding and got their study on to prove the obvious obviosity that the precious little snowflakes who find it just nine kinds of F-U-N to obstruct available O2 from finding their little lung units DO, in fact, find risky behavior MORE than nine kinds of rewarding?

Seriously?!
Seriously.

A group of APPARENTLYGOTNOTHINGBETTERTODOers over at the Oregon Health Authority spent some serious clock ticks surveying more than 5,300 eighth-graders to find out if they’d heard of the choking game, and if so, whether they had participated.

Twenty-two percent of children said they had heard of the game, and 6 percent had participated in it.
::: No word on what percent of  pubers lied about either, but I think it’s safe to say that when talking about teens it would be a not tiny tally of the sum total of ’em. Talkin’ truth here … ::: 

And this, gentle readers, is the part where you close your eyes, travel to your mental happy place and take deep, cleansing breaths as you try to block from your mind the reality that THIS WASN’T ALREADY OBVIOUS!?!

Seriously.

April 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm 3 comments

Boo is BACK, bitches!!!!!


BOO LIVESEnd the panic!
Bring the YAY!!
SMILE EARTH DWELLERS!!!

For Friday the 13th is NOT a bad-luck day and life as we know it is NOT, in fact, coming to an end!!

Because it’s not true.

Because he Is ALIVE!!!!!

Mah (newest) BOO is ALIVE, y’all!!!!

ALIVE!!!!!!

As in not dead!!!!!!!!

Boo is BACK!THERE JUST AREN’T ENOUGH EXCLAMATION POINTS TO CAPTURE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS DEVELOPMENT!!!!!!!!!

Awful, horrible, heinous people were spreading  awful, horrible, heinous rumors over the interwebs yesterday that Boo — the cutest, cuddliest, most captivating canine ever to set paw on the planet — was just a desperate little piece of D-E-A-D, sparking worldwide SADZ!

‘… Boo is dead? This is traumatizing,’ one devotee to the little doggie wrote.
::: *sniff :::
‘You will live forever on the Internet,’ wrote another.
::: WAAHHH! :::

Frownie faces everywhere!
Until today!

Today, when God parted the clouds, opened the heavens and mercifully rained down showers of shiny, sweet, golden kisses of AHHHHHH as the truth was revealed.

BOO LIVES!!!

And life is good again.
On Friday, the 13th.
The day before the Greeneyedgirl’s birthday.

AHHHHHHHH

🙂

SOURCE

April 13, 2012 at 10:55 pm 1 comment

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