Something’s missing

October 29, 2008 at 4:46 pm


Joe the Plumber’s on board and so is Joe Six Pack.
Heck, even the grand-poobah of political peepaws himself – Joe Biden – is accounted for.
Yet scant days before the most important election in the entire history of all historical electionations ever to have taken place among the esteemed electorate inhabiting all corners of the Milky Way – we seem to have misplaced a Joe!

Where is the crucial Blow endorsement?!?

Don’t the candidates know true, real Americans only care about a health care plan that includes a wide (I SAID WIDE, BITCHES!) array of drug benefits?!?
::: sorry, the morning Prozac hasn’t kicked in yet :::

America isn’t a melting pot as much as it is a medicine cabinet. You can pop a pill for anything that ails ya!

Want to lose weight? Can’t get it up? Blood pressure too high? Thinning hair? Stressed out? Allergies? Common cold? Muscle aches? Stubbed toe? Hangnail?
Take a pill! It’s the American way!

Drugs are a part of everything that is truly American and, therefore, should be embraced as a key pivotal political issue.

Baseball: Steroids
Apple Pie: Preservatives
Mom: Lasix

Whether you’re a craggy AARP Q-Tip workin’ a Plavix fix or a common crack whore searchin’ for some half track – YOU, Mrs. America, have needs no employer-backed plan can possibly cover.

Oh sure, this is a nation of Nickelonians who will nod politely at the ‘You Betchas’ and give nudges of approval to notions of hopification and audaciousness. But make no mistake — it’s also a nation who wants to see their Joe, their ‘everyman’, courted by one of the campaigns too!

When will we hear Big Mac talk about the importance of scoring some bargain-basement Botox for his bride?
::: no stranger to chemical intervention she :::
Where does my boyfriend stand on the critical role the average clucker plays?
::: ‘cuz people pull some crazy ass shit over the rising cost of crank! :::

With granny’s medications costing more than her mortgage, and Vita-G costing a real one – there simply is no bigger pocketbook issue than this one!

The ‘war’ is over — tick tock, fellas!

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