Archive for November, 2009

Welcome back! Now get to work!


As Congress prepares to return to work after the holiday break, I’m curious to see what the Senate does with the health care reform bill debate.

And by curious I mean I hope they don’t freefall into a stagnant mess of rhetoric, rumor and ridiculousness but actually and frealz engage in the kind of serious debate that can move this issue toward a meaningful conclusion for everyone.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh, I know … très amusant but hey, stranger things could happen, right?
I mean, it could happen in a half-life alternate universe where elected officials actually do the work of the job they were chosen to do, right?

November 30, 2009 at 11:10 am 2 comments

Can’t talk …


Last chance at seasonal redemption …

This afternoon …

MUST

GET

READY!!!!!

WAR EAGLE!!!!!

November 27, 2009 at 1:14 pm 2 comments

Be Thankful, Bitches


I wish you plump breasts by the handful.

November 26, 2009 at 12:55 pm 2 comments

Dobbs in 2012?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHELLNO!

The blubbery, rubbery rosacea-faced Republican got his fo’ shizzle on when asked by Fred ‘Red October’ Thompson whether he’d consider running for President in 2012.

“Yes is the answer,” he blah blah’d over the airwaves.

Lou “There’s aliens ever-whurr!” Dobbs wants the White House.
Not so fast, peepaw!
I mean, this shit ain’t presidential!
::: … or, hmmmm, IS it … :::

“I’m gonna be talking some more with some folks who want me to listen to ’em in the next few weeks. I mean I don’t even know what to tell you in terms of where I’m leaning. Because right now I’m fortunate to have a number of just wonderful options.”

Something vaguely famililar here … wakspeak … can’t commit to an original thought without prior advisor approval … no plan … don’t know … well, maybe … ‘options’ … blessed fortunate this’n’that …

… where have I heard this kind of confusing communicatory caca before??
Oh yeah …..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Get excited!!!
Ring the bells and release the doves — this is GREAT shit!!

The Republican party is just a big ol’ natty bunch of nimrods who have gone absolutely and 100% gonzo retard!
Can you smell the AWESOME?!?
I mean, this basically guarantees we’ll get ringside seats to THE greatest show on Earth – a field fucking full of mouthfarts like Beck or Limbaugh or Hannity or Coulter (don’t count that skank out) thinking their blowhardiness can blow hard enough to diminish my boyfriend‘s glittery shimmery aura of audacified hopification.

DREAM ON, BITCHES!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

But, you know, this could be one seriously big buncha F-U-N!
Let ’em all run!
Well, everyone but Limbaugh.
Those hamhocks rubbing together at a runner’s pace would generate enough heat to melt that fucking lardass right … where … he … stan … uhh, on second thought RUN RUSH RUUUUUUN!!!!!

November 25, 2009 at 11:04 am 4 comments

I’m all ‘huh?!’


Just so we’re skr8 – don’t go ’round expecting some rockstar followup to yesterday’s ‘like’able post that inexplicably earned supernova way cool WordPress HP street cred for the Cookie:

‘cuz LIAC is going to be the worldwide proof all of humanity has been craving when it comes to that whole lightning/same place theory, ‘kay?

Instead, we turn our talons today to newspaper nimroddery and the deft touch they (more often than not lately) lend to daily dumbfuckery.

BEHOLD!

I mean, I’m super happy and all to read that United’s working to spiff itself up because, well, who are they kidding. They need to.

But, uhh, quick question … What does United updating its antiquated airline have to do with Sears cutting costs in order to put a spit shine on its shit?!

Eh?
Huh?!
Oh yeah, that’s right – NOTHING!!

Editor’s Note: Journalism 101 sez the headline, story, photo and cutline generally all should jibe …

I’m not naming names here but someone who’s initials are THE LOS ANGELES FUCKING TIMES COPY DESK needs to make a date to remediate!

SOURCE

Update: HAHA — we totally you LA Times for fixing your fuckup.
Want a copy of our ultraprimo screenshot for posterity? 😛

November 24, 2009 at 11:34 am 1 comment

I don’t blame you, Frank Zappa


As long as we’re talkin’ ’bout words’n-all, I think serious consideration should be given to liquidating the word ‘like’ from the English language.

FREALZ!

Because that bitch is as flexible as a Sarah Palin book-tour schedule, it can be used as a noun, a verb, an adverb, an adjective, a piece of punctuation, a preposition, a particle, a conjunction or interjection!
::: multitasker extaordinaire!! :::

And I’m totally down with all applications – until it comes to the punctuation, particle and conjunction part because those are peeves (in addition to whether or not – stopitstopitstopit!) that drive me seven full Mack truckloads of batshit crazy.

It is, like, SOOOOOO upsetting, you know? I mean, do you, like, get my, like, point?

Ugh.

But in all seriousness (and pay attention, ‘cuz we don’t do that often here at LIAC) – it’s got to stop.

Because, when you get right down to it, overusing the word ‘like’ is the same as faking your tan, artificially pumping your pucker (or other parts 😉 ) or bulking up your brats with boatloads of rusk, excess fibers, maltodextrine or MDM.

IT”S FILLER, FOLKS!
::: just say no :::

When their whiteness is too white, the pigment deficient think nothing of full-on fakery.
::: fake what’cha mamma gave ya! :::
When their lips (or butt, boobs or fun-time banana) aren’t exactly luscious, folks don’t think twice about some strategic surgical servicing.
::: New math: You + phony = putzling :::
And when the food industry wants to maximize profits by minimizing the merit and naturalness (yeah, I said it) of their products, they stuff their stock with whatever will lengthen its shelf-life.
::: caveat emptor, kiddies :::

Like is, like, no different.

Because people can’t think of don’t know the right words anymore – because zero significance has been placed on the enormous importance of appropriate word choice – they’ve leached onto ‘like’ and haven’t let go.

But it’s time to read a fucking dictionary, dickweeeds!.
As much as we encourage the silly and stupid, alliterative linguistic logorrhea, asshattery, fucktardeness and all things scientifical – this one we’re serious about.

Like, totally.

November 23, 2009 at 12:41 pm 31 comments

Idiots on the air


Editorial comment: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

No, but seriously – these two jackbags [nods to greeneyedgirl] prove the point: There is nothing more dangerous than an uninformed electorate.
(buying a book doesn’t mean you can read it, scooter …)

November 20, 2009 at 9:39 am

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