In His name?
February 18, 2009 at 4:43 pm 17 comments
No NO NO!!!
That is not how you do it, you sick fuckuva twisted wackjob!
::: … which would normally be a tag of glory but, in this case, it means you’ve summited Mt. Dumbass — plant your flag, moron! :::
Time was a barbecue sandwich and some juice after Sunday school was all it took to lure the faithful … I guess we’re doin’ it differently these days
Ugh … cue the crazy …
Johnny Law over in Ohio has charged God’s little soldier, Troy Brisport, ——>
with kidnapping, ransom/sheild hostage and felonious assault for handcuffing some poor bitch, gagging her, stripping her naked then dressing her up in …
::: Nooo — it’s not that kind of story!!! :::
… dressing her up in an adult diaper while he …
::: nuh uh … not that kind either :::
… while he read Bible passages to her … for four tragically theologified days!
From the Book of Retard 8:38-19:
“For He is convinced that only an emergency dispatcher will be able to separate the supposed sinner from the sick fuckery being done in His name at the Tamarack Creek Apartments.”
Police say the 13th Apostle picked up his victim Wednesday night in Detroit and drove her to his apartment after she told him she had nowhere to stay.
The Master’s messenger must give one sorryass sermon because, at some point, the kidnapee fell asleep, which is when the kidnapper did as the shreiking voices in his head his Lord and Savior instructed and put his prey on hardcore house arrest!
::: Who’s a kinky Christian?!? Whooooz a kinky Christian?!? YOU are!!! :::
Rev. Gotitwrong apparently also tried – several times – to suffocate his disinclined disciple using a pillow and blanket.
::: … the power of Christ compelled him … :::
I guess giving his testimony must just be, like, way harder and stuff these days because, after all that work, Troy The Thickheaded got a major case of the sleepies and went all nite-nite.
“And the sufferer broke 20 kinds of free and ran walked stumbled into the sun light parking lot to call 9-1-1 … and it was good.” Morons 25:36-27
Have fun ministering in County, dickweed!
Entry filed under: blogging, community, crime, culture, education, Gossip, humor, law enforcement, life, media, neighborhood, News, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: arrest, bible, crazy, Detroit, dumbass, fucker, God, handcuffs, idiot, jail, kidnap, minitstry, moron, naked, News, nitwit, Ohio, people, police, random, religion, retarded, scary, sermon, sick, silly, strange, stupid, theology, thoughts, Toledo.
Life Is A Cookie 
1.
Chris | February 18, 2009 at 4:55 pm
No NO NO!!! That is not how you do it!!!! LMAO!
You wanna talk about some PTSD! All of a sudden I’m having flashbacks. That story is almost identical to how I ended up here at LIAC.
2.
lifeisacookie | February 18, 2009 at 5:12 pm
someone kidnapped you, handcuffed and stripped you???
*did you go for drinks after??? 😉
3.
Chris | February 18, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Ya know… I can’t remember. I think the loss of memory has something to do with the drugs you errr… I mean THEY put in my food.
4.
lifeisacookie | February 18, 2009 at 9:26 pm
that’s right …’they’ …. *good girl*
5.
writechicpress | February 18, 2009 at 11:52 pm
I’m all a giggle!!!
You should quote the Good Book more often. You work that shit, girl.
6.
writechicpress | February 18, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Did I mention I love stories best when you tell ’em!!!
You’re like Mother Goose hopped up on meth and crack and sunshine!
7.
lifeisacookie | February 19, 2009 at 12:47 am
CRACKIE GOOSE — yeeeaahhhhhhh!!!
8.
springdaddy | February 19, 2009 at 1:37 am
And instead of an apron, she wears an Auburn Jersey. And instead of specticles, she wear shades. And instead of a cup of cocoa she drinks the good shit!! Go short bus driver!
9.
lifeisacookie | February 19, 2009 at 11:01 am
hehe — soooooo true!
10.
writechicpress | February 19, 2009 at 12:07 pm
We’re writing the quotes here for the jacket of your book, Cookie.
11.
lifeisacookie | February 19, 2009 at 12:43 pm
hehe — a little light reading for the kiddies!!!
12.
curious | February 19, 2009 at 12:57 pm
still no mention here of the muslim man who decapitated his wife? hmm. are we afraid we will offend those peacful raghead camel jockeys? obviously her head just fell off while she was at work at the tv network that was started by her soon to be ex husband. yes, a tv network that was founded to stop the rumors that muslims were radical murderers.
13.
lifeisacookie | February 19, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Wait — you’re assuming I didn’t write about it because of some personal agenda?!?
Nah — I just go with whatever pushed my Bitch Button the hardest each day …
14.
Chris | February 19, 2009 at 6:22 pm
“her head just fell off” LMAO — That was good! You should use that Cookie. Heheee
15.
curious | February 19, 2009 at 8:11 pm
well at least he made her wear a diaper. does she qualify to be an astronaut?
16.
lifeisacookie | February 19, 2009 at 8:13 pm
I think we have to consult with Lisa Nowak on this …
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,250415,00.html
17. True Must See TV!!!! « Life Is A Cookie | March 7, 2009 at 4:39 pm
[…] Year in Review? Our supremely awesome Dumbass and Dumb Bitch coverage?? Our adroit analysis of religious retardation??? Our political acumen???? Our love and devotion to […]