Posts tagged ‘strange’

Psycho Killer, Qu’est-ce que c’est?


It’s not weird that Billy Pierce, Jr. threatened Billy Pierce, Sr.
::: Maybe that’s how they bond in their family. :::

It’s not weird that it happened in a bathroom.
::: Maybe that’s how they bond in their family. :::

It’s not weird that batty Billy went berserk because he just woke up in a ‘homicidal mood’.
::: Because, well … uhh, umm ok maybe that’s a little weird … :::

It’s not weird that Pierce threatened Pierce with a pair of bone-cutting scissors.
::: Wait. That actually seems pretty weird to me :::

But hey – with a face like THAT —->
you kind of have to just expect that shit like that’s gonna down on a random Tuesday morning.

Chromosome-deficient Billy told the boys in blue he had the scissors because he was going to use them to cut his hair — but while doing whatever he does in the bathroom … with his father — but then an argument ensued and things got all … WEIRD!

Dad says Junior was getting edgyAgitatedMAAAAAD over health issues but esaclated the situation to straightjacket status when he broke out a “pair of black bone cutting scissors”, bypassed dad’s brisket region and headed straight for his stomach.

Father-Son Bonding FAIL!

Stop reading now if you don’t want to update your Billy Pierce, Jr. GPS codes.

Everyone else can (for now) breathe a sight of relief, secure in the knowlege that (for now) nutjob is being held without bail (for now) at the Hernando County Jail.

SOURCE

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March 16, 2010 at 10:16 am 2 comments

Sounds boaring to me


At first, I felt bad for ol’ meemaw when I saw this picture because I was all ‘It’s not that kind of balloon, sweetie’ but then I read the cutline and felt really bad for her because she lives in a town where inflating pig intestines is considered entertainment and, by the looks of her, she’s been suckin’ on sow bowels for a seriously looooooong time.
::: sadz :::

Seems Ukrainian peeps in the mapdot that is Gecha like pigs so much that those crackheads go hog wild and celebrate all things dined from swine … especially blood pudding, which can be a putrid bucket of pfftOOEY if Porky’s innards haven’t been pre-prepared properly.

Ayep — the annual Pigs Carvers Festival is an ancient tradition steeped in lore and rurality and whatever the hell else ancient Ukrainian traditions have going for them — but locals are hoping to turn that mess into a magnet for tourists.

Move over Spaniards with your silly Running of the Bulls!
Come to Gecha and Get’cha Oinker Entrails On!

Umm, yeah … good luck with that.

Oh, and meemaw? Slight suggestion, hon … there is a much better way to enjoy sausage … just sayin’. 😉

PHOTO: AP/Getty Images

February 12, 2010 at 11:12 am 2 comments

Mane Attraction


Now, it’s no secret to any of you bitches who frequent LIAC that I’m into … uhh, know about some freaky shit, right?

So it should come as no surprise that — as fetishes go — this one doesn’t seem all that ‘Silence of the Lambs’ to me.

Here’s the breakdown:
Guy rides bus.
Girl rides bus.
Guy sits behind girl.
Guy cuts and glues girl’s hair.

Pretty vanilla, right?

I mean, no undergarments, no bodily fluids, no bondage equipment or orifice-sized foodstuffs were involved – that we know of, right?

Just some trick feelin’ up the female follicle.

That’s not too twisted, right?

Nah.

What’s twisted is what he probably does with that hair once he gets it home …

SOURCE

January 8, 2010 at 11:15 am 2 comments

Limited Time Offer!!!


Like you bitches need MORE reasons to drink excessively on New Year’s Eve?!

McGuire, Jennings and Miller Funeral Home in Rome, Georgia is offering a free burial to folks who drink and drive (and, well, ok – DIE) while ringing out the old and drinking in the new.

The burial boys say anyone who signs a contract admitting they plan to booze it and lose it on before the clock strikes 2010 will get a free memorial complete with casket, grave, limousine and preparation of your pickled, earthly remains.
::: grieving rellies cursing your dumb fucking ass sold separately :::

Funeral home officials said the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.

Looks like they forgot all about the terminally ill and terribly poor who may just see the bright side of a blue-light burial …

December 30, 2009 at 5:56 pm 2 comments

I’m all ‘huh?!’


Just so we’re skr8 – don’t go ’round expecting some rockstar followup to yesterday’s ‘like’able post that inexplicably earned supernova way cool WordPress HP street cred for the Cookie:

‘cuz LIAC is going to be the worldwide proof all of humanity has been craving when it comes to that whole lightning/same place theory, ‘kay?

Instead, we turn our talons today to newspaper nimroddery and the deft touch they (more often than not lately) lend to daily dumbfuckery.

BEHOLD!

I mean, I’m super happy and all to read that United’s working to spiff itself up because, well, who are they kidding. They need to.

But, uhh, quick question … What does United updating its antiquated airline have to do with Sears cutting costs in order to put a spit shine on its shit?!

Eh?
Huh?!
Oh yeah, that’s right – NOTHING!!

Editor’s Note: Journalism 101 sez the headline, story, photo and cutline generally all should jibe …

I’m not naming names here but someone who’s initials are THE LOS ANGELES FUCKING TIMES COPY DESK needs to make a date to remediate!

SOURCE

Update: HAHA — we totally you LA Times for fixing your fuckup.
Want a copy of our ultraprimo screenshot for posterity? 😛

November 24, 2009 at 11:34 am 1 comment

Uhhh …


I, uhh, don’t even, uhh, know, uhh, how to, uhh, ‘digest?!’ this, uhh, ‘piece’ …

SOURCE

November 17, 2009 at 11:04 am 3 comments

A teaspoon of *&#!!* helps the medicine go down


Just occasionally, every now and then, you run across a story highlighting a shining, glittery human example of class, compassion and composure.

This is not one of those.

This is a story highlighting outrageous idiocy, indignation and irritation of epic proportions.
You know, the kind of shit we LOVE here at LIAC!!

Subway riders got a little girl-on-girl action this week, but not the kind you get to use your safe word with.
::: sadz :::

Two bitches got their brawl on while rolling southbound on New York’s D train because one of them didn’t think covering her cootie-spew was worth a good goddamn.

Which is the precise moment in time when Patty Pandemic piped up that Holly Hacksalot better wrap her disease-ridden trap the next time she felt the urge to expectorate all over the gat damn place!

And the piping persisted as perturbed Patty’s pissiosity precipitously progressed!
::: If you’re reading out loud – you prolly shoudda covered your mouth on that line! Just sayin’ :::

She “continued to yell at the cougher, berating her until she reacted, beginning to curse back,” one witness said. “It escalated, and the accosting woman yelled ‘get the conductor!'”

Eh, but no one did.
And why would they really?
Ringside fight tickets ain’t cheap, yo!

As the train pulled into the station, Holly Hacksalot had had enough – so she did what anyone with no manners or sense of decency, civility or style would do.
She spat ol’ Pat with her gak-filled spew.
::: cue the eww :::

Which is when Patty did just what you thought she’d do by promptly getting her punch and pull on.

“Then the cougher attempted to exit the train as the doors were opening, but the second woman grabbed her by the back of the hair, violently yanking her down to the floor.”
::: Hackey SACK! :::

But, alas – the fun couldn’t last forever and eventually those tricks would go their separate ways … to infect and abuse entire and whole new audiences.
::: That SNOT right!:::

But Holly better watch her step the next time she gets a hankering to hawk one up because the other passengers had Patty’s back on subway scuffle, remarking that Hacksalot “wasn’t even covering her mouth,” [hate that ho] and that they could have cold decked the cougher too because, after all, “that swine flu is treacherous.”

So what have we learned today kiddies?
Manage your malaise or prepare for payback.

We all ok now?
Good. Now go wash your hands. 😉

SOURCE

November 5, 2009 at 11:06 am 2 comments

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