Posts filed under ‘culture’
It’s been a whore-red hot minute since I left my last Cookie crumbs for you bitches to chew on.
My boyfriend had just been elected to his second term, I was at the genesis of what I hope remains a lifelong love of international travel, and you guys were too nice to publicly out me for beginning to dilute the special sauce that had, for the better part of 6 years, made my version of snark just a super-thick slice of splendiferous.
I can admit it.
I hadn’t exactly gone full-on dosser, mind you, but I was toning it down a bit.
Or trying to.
Cuz things were good-ish, man!
I mean, sure, we still had to deal with the same lameass hateful bagodicks we always did (and sadly, always will). Child-hurters, rapists, murderers, racists, warmongers, bigots, Republicans and, well, you get the picture – Fuckers fulfilling flagitous feats of fuckery!!!
But it was also a time of technological progress, an actual canyabeileve it noticeable uptick on issues of tolerance, and an overarching renewed global purpose to take better care of this rock on which we remain (before it’s too late, before we, too, are turned to rubble).
I felt like the universe was signaling an invitation for The Cookie to investigate some chill.
And I did!
I was rockin’ that shit like it was my J-O-B!
Traveling, writing for my literary side piece, reading, meditating, painting, volunteering … you get it. I was producing. I was creating, I was BIZZAY!
But then it started happening.
::: The snowball, the boiling frog, the derailed train of progress :::
The terrible horrible badness was actually happening!
A thing so dark, so grotesquely manifest it hardly seems possible there could even exist in the universe a collection of molecules so malevolent, so intellectually and emotionally mangled, so completely misaligned with the concepts of basic humanity!
And yet, it’s out there.
::: OUT out there — no need for hoods or secret meetings now :::
It walks among us.
This thing found a foothold of fakery on which to climb a mountain of misinformation and plant a flag for universal hatred and the solidarity of stupidity right there at the summit.
This thing so deplorable, so dreadful, so dire it utterly and completely crushed my cocoon of contentment, stomped the fuck out of my faith in the future and compelled me to dust off The Cookie once more to say take note, take cover and go and get your prayer ON.
Frealz tots– all of us precious snowflakes waking up to 2017 this morning looking to be hopeful about the future should start by getting down on our knees, putting our hands to the sky and all-out Bless. It.The. Fuck. UP! for the wholly lame and limited lifespan these next four years of fuckery deserve.
Because it’s happening.
Happy New EWWWWWWWW, bitches!
#unfittoserve #unfitforoffice #unpresidential #trumpamerikkka #stophate #endracism #nomysogeny #resist #resistance #equality #equalrights #work4peace
With the Newtown Massacre just a super-sized slice of STILL TOO FRESH :(, it’s no small wonder that my snark just isn’t as up-to-snuff as I like that shit to be.
So I’m not even gonna go there right now.
But I’ll leave you with this …
… and tease you with this snippet of a soon-to-be-revealed MAJOR AWARD — the likes of which is eternally unparalleled with any accolade ever accorded to any living organism ever to have existed throughout the entirety of all of the ages known the man!!!
Yup, it’s that big.
And to those of you who didn’t get what you wanted … deal.
It’s not time to clock out just yet. 😉
XOXO — Cookie
P.S. – Cookie Toss This Week 😉
It is ON!
I am DOIN’ it!!
You better be ready, Great Britain!!!
Lock up the booze and tie up the hounds, ’cause this little trick is LONDON-bound!!
Gonna take in the Thames, check out Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, make my way through the Tate Modern, eat a bite at the crypt cafe in the Church of St. Martin In The Fields, see St. James Park, the Blue Bridge, the Churchill War Rooms, the Wallace Collection, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Fleet Street, Dickens House, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Tower Bridge, Piccadilly Circus, Foyles, London Bank, Green Friday Market … man, I am gonna do it ALL!
Now, y’all have to promise to behave while I’m gone — m’kay pumpkins??
I might even bring you some spotted dick if you’re really good! 😉
Enjoy it if you can 😉
XOXO – Cookie
I mean, really, this is basic ‘Ho Code 101’ shit, people.
The bottom-line, the guiding principle, THE golden fucking RULE when you’re bumpin’ fuglies with prominent, married public figures (or, ok, well, anyone who’s initials are NOT YOUR SPOUSE) is to take a chill on workin’ your grill.
It’s that simple.
No need for discussion!
It is immorality’s universally accepted imperative, for chrissakes!!
Yet, every few fornications there comes along some slut who just can’t keep it shut.
From Dynasty cast member wannabe Gennifer Flowers to dimestore hooker doppelganger Jaimee Grubbs to the demented and diapered Lisa Nowak — there’s always some skank who slips up and spoils the secret sexy times by spilling something she shouldn’t have.
Thanks a lot, Paula Broadwell!
Because of you tryin’ to go and blackmail a bitch over email and everything, poor David Petraeus now must foray back into the field of contraband coochie to find some stupid new streetwalker to screw.
But the real tragedy here is far worse than whatever future befalls dear David … or you … .
The real tragedy here is bigger, Paula … because it affects me.
Yes, Paula … the catastrophic consequences of your exasperatingly irritating email tirades mean that I now must go buy an ax, find a frickin’ forest, cut down a tree, chop that shit up, build a frickin’ fire, heat up a poker and GOUGE MY FUCKING EYES OUT
in an attempt to rid myself of the mental image of David’s sad old doggy dick doin’ The Cabbage Patch in yet another whore’s hoo-ha!
I live in fucking FLORIDA, Paula!
Do you have any idea how far I have to drive before I wind up in the woods?!?
Fucking FAR, Paula!!
It didn’t have to end like this, Paula.
Or maybe it did.
Because there’s always one hot ho mess out there like you, isn’t there Paula?
Oh yeah there is.
Take it to the bank, gents! 😉