Posts tagged ‘moron’

Dumbass of the Day

A Florida man – separated from the missus for a measely four days – couldn’t handle not gettin’ handled and decided the most prudent way to procure the poontang was to go full-retard and TAKE IT, BITCHES!

The 24-year-old was *SHOCK* drunk when he went to the house where his bride was residing, removed an air-conditioning unit, climbed through the window and proceeded to TAKE IT, BITCHES!

‘Cept the little woman brought the ‘Hell Naw!’ to that action and called the cops on his alked-up ass.

When police arrived, Drunky McStupid walked away from them, refused to provide identification and was *SHOCK* put in handcuffs.

After being cuffed, he told the officer that he “has not gotten any in three weeks and he was going to get some.”

He was taken to jail – where is he will *SHOCK* surely ‘get some’. ūüėČ


April 28, 2010 at 11:50 am 1 comment

Child’s Play

At first I was all ‘SO WRONG! OUTRAGE!!’ but then I thought about it and was all ‘HAHAHAHA – YESSSSS!’ because, well, why not!?


Letting your little boy direct traffic at the sixth businest airport in the country.

JFK TOWER (Child): JetBlue 171 contact departure.

PILOT: Over to departure JetBlue 171, awesome job.

A male voice, seemingly the adult supervising the child, joins in with a laugh.

JFK TOWER (Adult): That’s what you get, guys, when the kids are out of school.


Unfortunately, the pissy pants over at the FAA don’t share my love of infantile amusement.

“Pending the outcome of our investigation, the employees involved in this incident are not controlling air traffic. This behavior is not acceptable and does not demonstrate the kind of professionalism expected from all FAA employees.”

Boo fuddieduddies!

I say it’s never too early to show the next generation how to trade in daddy’s high-stakes, √ľber-stressful, no margin for error job as air traffic controller for a place in the unemployment line.

That’s the kind of important, real-world shit they just don’t teach kids in school these days!

Good job, dad!
But hey! Don’t stop there!
I think you’ve proven that you’re ready to take little Dylan’s education to the next level!!

Bring that brat everywhere on your Bad Choices tour!

Take him with you to the mall — then let him see how many five-finger discounts he can score before the security cameras notice!
Go for the record!!!

Take him with you to Sharky’s for a cold one (or five) — then let him drive you home!

Take him with you on your weekly ‘date’ that the old ball and chain doesn’t know about — then let him participate!
Bonding opportunity!!

Oh yeah, that’s quality father-son time right there! >:O


March 4, 2010 at 11:16 am


Adam Manning don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies, but that bitch for DAMN sure knows how to get his Bud on!

manningThe 30-year-old first-time father-to-be brought his baby mamma to the emergency room of Utah’s McKay-Dee Hospital to get her birth on when his beady, bloodshot eyes spied nurse hotty-totty and he lost his gat DAMN mind!
::: Daddy DOUCHE! :::

He is reported to have ‚Äėlooked her up and down‚Äô, commented on how attractive she was and told her she was ‚Äėcute‚Äô.
::: Devoted Dad / Protective Partner / Mature Male FAIL FAIL FAIL!!! :::

The nurse apparently ignored his inebriated advances and moved to the other side of mom’s wheelchair, preparing her to go to the delivery room.

Not one to take a turn-down lightly, Manning then told the nurse that she had something wrong with her neck and that he would !!RED FLAG RED FLAG!! massage it for her.

And by ‘massage’ he meant he was gonna get his grope on in the general area of her boobages.
::: ee-ERR ee-ERR :::

fotyWhen the R(eally)N(ot impressed gropee) asked what
he was doing, Manning’s wife or girlfriend or enabler or whatever she is responded that he was ‚Äėjust drunk‚Äô.
::: FUN FACT: That’s not ‘just’ drunk – THAT is ‘piss’ drunk! :::

The Ogden Police were called and promptly booked the nurse booby-grabber on charges of felony forcible sexual abuse.

And if you didn’t figure it out by now — yes, he missed the birth of his first child.

Now THAT’S a baby story the whole family will enjoy sharing for generations!!


October 29, 2009 at 10:08 am 2 comments

Lip Service

Move over Roger Stephens!
There’s a new champion in the crotchety old coot category – and he’s only 44!

chomperMichigan moron and all-around menace to society Daniel Allen –>
gave a big ol’ Fuck YOU! to the tried and true ‘GET OFF MY LAWN!’ old-man rant when some kids accidentally tossed a football in his yard recently.

That verbal shit just doesn’t cut it, see!
Instead, Allen got all snatchy-fingers, brought the hell naw when the ballers begged for it back and let his inner-rage marinate juuuust long enough to come to a full boil … which
took exactly the same amount of time it took for a kid’s parent to get involved!

When the parent walked up and asked Allen for the ball, dickhead decided to dispence with all semblance of decorum and go straight for the OWWWW!

“The suspect went nose to nose with the victim and then bit him on the chompedmouth,” said Detective Capt. Richard Maierle. “The bite went nearly all the way through his mouth.”

He just took a chunk out of me and grabbed my neck, scratched me… quite a few marks,” said Winfred Fernandes. “He bit through my lip.”
::: someone needs a Tyson Target Practice refresher!! :::

Fernandes was taken to the hospital and Allen was taken in handcuffs.

Allen, who *SHOCK* was arrested on assault charges in 1997, entered a not guilty plea at his arraingment.


Allen is charged with aggravated assault with intent to maim which — if convicted — comes giftwrapped just in time for the holidays with a shiny new 10-year felony sentence.

Try fitting that under the tree!


October 22, 2009 at 10:15 am 2 comments

Fool me once …

Well, actually no.
He didn’t have ME fooled for one second.

Unfortunately he did fool someone else.
So shame Shame SHAME! on the judge who gave this anti-Semite asshat a break from well-deserved jailtime with ‘credits for time served and good behavior’ after he gave Holocaust survivor, scholar and Nobel Peace Prize winner Elie Wiesel a beatdown in a San Francisco elevator two years ago.

Shame on him, indeed.
Because that sick trick¬†———->
is at it again.

In a lawsuit filed in Broward Circuit Court, Holocaust-denier and all around epic idiot Eric Hunt alleges that the ‘The Fifth Diamond: The Story of Irene Weisberg Zisblatt’ is full of “vicious lies” and “fantastical tales”.

The autobiography recounts how Zisblatt, five siblings and their parents were packed into a boxcar for the trip from Hungary to the extermination camp. Her mother gave the then 13-year-old four diamonds to keep safe. In her book (where she, herself, is the Fifth Diamond) she recounts how she repeatedly swallowed the stones during her time in captivity.

Biggie McBigot was apparently unmoved by her story.

“Zisblatt blatantly stole other Jewish people’s experiences during World War II and passed them off as her own in order to further the Jewish political agenda and profit off of these fantastical tales,” Hunt, who is representing himself without an attorney, wrote in his lawsuit. “The defendants must not go unpunished for tormenting Gentiles and instilling hatred in Jews using such hideous lies.”

Well, FWIW — HER story IS real (and quite moving — buy the book) but ya gotta admit – Hunt does know a thing or two – from personal experience – about lie telling¬†…

Like the big fat one he told at his 2008 sentencing where he shed crocodile tears and apologized and said he only knocked Wiesel around because he’d suffered a “severe mental breakdown” — not because he was a white supremacist shithead or anything.

“I had been sucked into anti-Semitic conspiracy theories on the Internet,” Hunt said at the time. “I don’t believe any of that garbage now that I’m taking my medication.”

Mmm HMMM … well then can someone get this FOOL his pills already so he can go and stay The Fuck AWAY?!?


October 21, 2009 at 10:17 am

Dumb Bitch AND *bonus* Dumb Fuck of the Day

While you were busy with normal Fourth of July customs (like eating barbecue and corn-on-the-cob and dressing the fam in various and sundry American Flag paraphernalia and giving your 8-year-old a fiery handheld pyrotechnic device to play with) two twits in Tampa were busy going crackhead crazy as their preferred method of quality family holiday fun.

<— James Maymi and Virgen Lopez¬†¬†had a date with —>
dumbass and nothing was gonna get in their way!

Himbecile and the chowdahead had plans for some early morning drag-racing — because helllooooo – ¬†that’s what you do when you drive super-spiffy primo wheelage like a 1990 Acura and a 1988 Honda.
Fuck your Chevy and your souped-up ‘Stang, man! Nothing says badass like a two-decade-old four-door!
Well,¬†not unless it’s a two-decade-old four-door with some supa-foin Safety 1st kiddie seats stapped in!

And aren’t you just shocked to know that’s just how Maymi and Lopez like ’em!?!

stupididiotThese two plonks were haulin’ behbehs around while they cranked it at about 100 miles per hour down the Courtney Campbell Causeway.
::: I bet those kids were ridin’ REAL dirty after about 80 mph :::

Oh, but then the cops showed up and busted the little pavement party.

Now, it’s just a guess, but I’m thinking dude won the race because, I mean, ok, sure — Lopez was charged with being a dumb fucking crackwhore bitch for racing her hoopty around with a two-year-old in tow – but Maymi plays this shit on a whole other level!
He’ll see your two-year-old and raise you a toddler!
::: Boo-ya! :::

But times have changed and cornering the market on monstrous moronitude doesn’t have quite the cach√© it used to.
Especially when the meth money runs out.

So, while the DB had enough child support and W.I.C. tickets to make bail, the DF’s¬†gonna be busy makin’ new friends and having romantic jail sexies while he waits for a date with justice.

Ahh, holidays …


July 6, 2009 at 2:56 pm 2 comments

Shocking outcome (no, not really)

Old and Busted:¬†Subjecting your kids to boring meetings and office gossip during ‘Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day’.

New Hotness: Subjecting your kids to near electrocution during ‘Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day’.

At least that’s how [former] Florida Department of Corrections Sgt. Walter Schmidt saw it when he assembled a group of children visiting their parents at Franklin Correctional Institution,¬†whipped out a handheld stun device, went full retard¬†and gave the wee ones 50,000 volts of ZZZZZZZTTT!

Sergeant Shitferbrainz thought it’d be ok, since he’d asked the parents for permission and all.
“When they said ‘sure,’ I went ahead and did it.”
:::¬†Well … ‘cuz … SURE!¬†:::

ouchkidThe little innocents reportedly yelped in pain, fell to the ground and grabbed red burn marks on their arms.
One was taken to a nearby hospital.

“It wasn’t intended to be malicious, but educational,” Schmidt said. “The big shock came when I got fired.”
::: pun intended??? :::

Oh yes — they canned his ass – amazing but true!
::: well, amazing for Florida … :::

Schmidt was fired for violating established DOC procedure and paving the way for some way cool kidding litigation — but let’s not overlook the ‘colossal dumbass’ factor, either.

1.) Simple math: Snowflake Assembly + Shake N’ Bake = Pink Slippage
2.)¬†Knowing he¬†couldn’t handle¬†simple math¬†…¬†if he was going to full retard, he should have at least given momma’s little preshuss ones the full penal experience.

dropsoapI mean, why not a cavity search or a night in the tank with Big Louie?
Why not hand them a bar of soap and send them off to the¬†showers or let them spend a couple of ‘educational’ moments blindfolded and strapped into Old Sparky?

Hmm? HMMMMM????

Because surely any parent who’d sign off on having their kid’s neural and muscular systems temporarily DIS-FUCKING-ABLED!!!!! would energetically endorse the MEGA-Misery Prison Package!


May 19, 2009 at 1:46 pm 4 comments

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