Posts tagged ‘dumbass’

Seriously?


Seriously.
::: meh :::

Today’s ‘No Shit’ bullshit story: Kids who play ‘choking game’ may take other risks, too’.

Seriously?!
Sadly. Seriously.

Someone went out, secured funding and got their study on to prove the obvious obviosity that the precious little snowflakes who find it just nine kinds of F-U-N to obstruct available O2 from finding their little lung units DO, in fact, find risky behavior MORE than nine kinds of rewarding?

Seriously?!
Seriously.

A group of APPARENTLYGOTNOTHINGBETTERTODOers over at the Oregon Health Authority spent some serious clock ticks surveying more than 5,300 eighth-graders to find out if they’d heard of the choking game, and if so, whether they had participated.

Twenty-two percent of children said they had heard of the game, and 6 percent had participated in it.
::: No word on what percent of  pubers lied about either, but I think it’s safe to say that when talking about teens it would be a not tiny tally of the sum total of ’em. Talkin’ truth here … ::: 

And this, gentle readers, is the part where you close your eyes, travel to your mental happy place and take deep, cleansing breaths as you try to block from your mind the reality that THIS WASN’T ALREADY OBVIOUS!?!

Seriously.

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April 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm 3 comments

THANK GOD the Sun Sentinel is there!


When serious news happens, I’m all THANK GOD the Sun Sentinel is there!

And what was it this Saturday, March 17, 2012?

Egypt’s Pope Shenouda III going all kinds of dead at age 88?
::: nah, those mourning masses meant twelve kinds of APPARENTLY NOT MUCH! :::
The 8 NCAA men’s basketball tournament games being played?
::: puhleeze – 80 gozillionthousand people screaming about busted brackets – BOOOORING! :::
Supremely sinister shit STILL going down in a bad, bad way over in Syria?
::: uhh, like no ‘n stuff?! it’s Syria, not SoFla! :::
St. Patrick’s Day observer’s out gettin’ their green on and going batshit bazoinkadork in shades of beryl and bice all over the gat damned place?
::: get real. like $4.55 BILLION in expected retail sales is interesting in this continued new great depression or anything! :::

Nope.
None of that pesky “actual news” even lives in the same hemisphere of being nearly as noteworthy as the in-depth exposé on what is indisputably THE most important issue ever to face the people of Earth, the United States, the East Coast, Florida, Broward County, Tamarac!

NEWSFLASH!
There are slow drivers out there — and they are frustrating!

And I’m all THANK GOD the Sun Sentinel is there to wade through the uncertainty and confusion of this MAJOR STORY!

Apathetic automobile operators have produced nothing short of all-around yawns an all-out affront to life as we know it!
The people have spoken and they are easily placated pissed — they are out there reacting when provoked to respond to this non-event by beat reporters with nothing better to do.

And, you know,  I’m all THANK GOD the Sun Sentinel was there to break it down in easily-digestible chunkletts!!!!

“Slow drivers are really a hazard,” said John Bowman, a spokesman for the National Motorist Association.

FEEL THE PANIC!

Joshua Rotenberg, of Fort Lauderdale, says he wonders why slowpokes aren’t “pulled over and slapped for being discourteous.”

SENSE THE OUTRAGE!!

“I get upset and wish them a slow death,” one reader said via Facebook.

FEAR THE VENGEANCE!!!

“It’s frustrating but it’s not worth ruining my day over,” said Darren Short, a delivery truck driver from Boynton Beach.

BRACE FOR THE CALAMI … wait. What?

“A lot of the time, it’s only a matter of a few seconds or minutes before the slow driver will turn off,” AAA’s Michele Harris explained.

Troopers agree! They say when encountering drivers committing the dastardly deed of deliberately dawdling during your day to just use your turn signal and change lanes.

Whew! Crisis averted!!

And I’m all THANK GOD the Sun Sentinel is thereor whatever …

March 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm 1 comment

FELINE FUCKERY!


Cat person or not — crap like this should make you want to immediately stop whatever you’re doing and go coin-diggin’ in the car or couch so you can start a collection or host a telethon or some shit to help these heinous humans BUY A GODDAMNED CLUE!!!!!

ACK!!!

Meet the Eskew family of Port St. Lucie, Florida: Jackbag James, Shithead Sheila and Jessica, their dumbass daughter.
————————–>

These evolutionary-scale throwbacks were arrested on animal cruelty charges after they decided it would be just a big ol’ slice of HELL YEAH to pack up everything for their pending move to North Cackalackee.

And by ‘pack up everything‘ I mean force more than 20 of their furry friends into wooden boxes coffins, nail the lids closed and dump ’em in the neighbor’s yard.

me-OWW!!!

Now — animal cruelty charges are all find and good (actually — it’s the LEAST that should happen to these sick tricks) but I think this troublesome trio should also be charged with whatever criminal thingamabob, trip to detention or mark on their permanent records goes along with depriving the larger community of what couldda been catastically comical!

CURSE YOU CAT-HATERS!

I mean, have they never had the pleasure of the LOLCATS pussies?
Are they not hip to the trip that is a YouTube kitty vid?
funnycatpix.com?!
zomgcatz.com?!?
roflcat.com?!?!

No?!
Grrrr!

Get with the program inbreeders!
Don’t make me invoke the spirit of Beethoven and come after your retarded asses!!

SOURCE

May 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm 3 comments

Dumbass of the Day


A Florida man – separated from the missus for a measely four days – couldn’t handle not gettin’ handled and decided the most prudent way to procure the poontang was to go full-retard and TAKE IT, BITCHES!

The 24-year-old was *SHOCK* drunk when he went to the house where his bride was residing, removed an air-conditioning unit, climbed through the window and proceeded to TAKE IT, BITCHES!

‘Cept the little woman brought the ‘Hell Naw!’ to that action and called the cops on his alked-up ass.

When police arrived, Drunky McStupid walked away from them, refused to provide identification and was *SHOCK* put in handcuffs.

After being cuffed, he told the officer that he “has not gotten any in three weeks and he was going to get some.”

He was taken to jail – where is he will *SHOCK* surely ‘get some’. 😉

SOURCE

April 28, 2010 at 11:50 am 1 comment

Teabonics



extremey sad 4 U 😦


Well ok, but if you come after the magititions – that’s where I draw the line!


Proud product of the Texas public education system!


If you insisticate


And here I always though sociapaths were all for sociazed shit! Who knew!

MORE

April 2, 2010 at 10:00 am 3 comments

Dumb Bitch of the Day


Old and Busted: Texting while driving
New Hotness: Shaving while driving

In addition to wearing the DBOTD crown today,
Megan Mariah Barnes ————————->
just may have to be presented with the keys to the Kingdom of Dumb Bitchery for committing what may be the most outward act of unbelievable idiocy I’ve seen in a loooong time since last week.

Bitch caused a crash while she was clippin’ the cooch driving along Cudjoe Key, ‘kay!

Ohh HO yeah … and in case you wondered, that there friends is an automatic nomination to the Dumb Bitch Hall of Fame!!

Popo types say the 37-year-old was on her way to see her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be properly groomed for the visit so, along the way, she decided to cut her short ‘n curlies … but apparently forgot all about the skunk-trail she’s sportin’ up top!?!

Full. Force. FAIL!!!

Oh, but that’s just the start of her fuckery … it gets better!
Seated next to the Megster was her ex-husband, who took the wheel while she focused on her follicles.
::: wonder how the bf feels about that … :::

… and better!!
Mindless Megan was convicted of DUI and driving without a license the day before the coochie crash!

Ohhhhh my side hurts … sometimes this shit just writes itself …
SOURCE

March 10, 2010 at 11:02 am 10 comments

WWRKD?


Sitch: My boyfriend announces an Eight Billion Dollar guarantee for a nuclear power plant in Georgia.
Reax: It is good all around and everyone agrees that it is.

Sitch: He announces it using a bipartisan approach.
Reax: It is good all around and everyone agrees that it is.

Uhh, well, yeppers on everything ‘cept the ‘Obama’ part … at least for that state’s two GOP senatewhores.

Sens. Johnny Isakson and Saxby Chambliss (R-etards, GA) issued a seven-paragraph, 392-word joint statement, lauding the initiative.
It was good all around and they both agreed that it was.

But nowhere in that seven-paragraph, 392-word statement did they ever use the words “president,” “Obama,” and/or “White House”.

Jay Bookman of the AJC surmises the two “just couldn’t bring themselves” to agree with Obama by name.

How old are we?

February 18, 2010 at 11:07 am 3 comments

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