Jesus Saves … car dealership?

February 7, 2009 at 4:11 pm 24 comments

Jesus Sightings: They’re not just for crazy old ladies staring at the floor for weeks on end!

PT_301357_ROTH_jesus_3Case in point: In the center of a door in a Dade City, Florida used car sales manager’s office is a wood stain about 3 feet tall that some folks are swearing up, down and sideways looks juuuust like the Lamb of God himself!
::: Get a good deal on a used Saturn and see your Savior at the same time?!? Now that’s what I call one-stop shopping!! :::

“Anybody who’s seen pictures of the burial cloth and image of Christ that’s on that cloth — that same image is on that door,” said Chip Davis, who runs a paintless dent removal service that services the Jarrett Ford Lincoln Mercury dealership.

The exact same identically corresponding one???

‘Cuz I just don’t see the Great Splotch of Supreme Spirituality when I look at that stain.

I do, however, see a remarkably striking resemblance to Cousin It.

See it?
Sure you do!
Take away the top hat and it’s an Addams Family moment all the way!

But my homegirl — and fellow hellbound non-believing heathen — Ruth Johnson thinks “it looks a little bit like Sasquatch.”
::: mmmm hmm – I feel that ::: 

And customer James Bauman Jr.?
He first described it as “Christ in a Jedi outfit,” then as a “Persian king.”
James thinks the stain is really, truly, deeply meaningful.
“I believe the Rapture is just around the corner,” he said.
::: James may want to lay off the Natty Light before giving his next interview ::: 

Cliff Martin, the dealership’s general manager, doesn’t attach spiritual significance to the office door. But at least he was honest enough to admit he doesn’t mind if the Discoloration of Demented Devotion brought more bodies through the door.
::: Those cars aren’t going to sell themselves, now are they?!? ::: 

“I like to say we’re blessed but we’re not breaking any sales records, so maybe we’re just blessed to be in business.”

Jesus Saves …

DOOR PHOTO: Lance Aram Rothstein – St. Petersburg Times

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The Iceman Cometh? Geena Gold Star isn’t gonna like this!


  • 1. this buddy of mine  |  February 7, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    Dang…he is popping up all over the place

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  February 7, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    hmmmm — not sure I see Jesus in those pants, Buddy … Madonna maybe 😉

  • 3. Chris  |  February 7, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    All I’m seeing is a walrus with really long tusks….

    LOL Buddy — that was just gross

  • 4. writechicpress  |  February 7, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    Buddie, that totally looks like a monk eating a sandwich. Maybe it’s St. Francis of Asswhatever.

  • 5. curious  |  February 9, 2009 at 12:12 am

    anybody here go to church today?

  • 6. writechicpress  |  February 9, 2009 at 1:51 am

    Some keep the Sabbath going to Church-

    I keep it, staying at Home-

    With a Bobolink for a Chorister-

    And an Orchard, for a Dome-Some keep the Sabbath in Surplice-

    I just wear my Wings-

    And instead of tolling the Bell, for Church,

    Our little Sexton-sings. God preaches, a noted Clergyman-

    And the sermon is never long,

    So instead of getting to Heaven, at least-

    I’m going, all along.

  • 7. curious  |  February 9, 2009 at 2:06 am

    hell is a real place my friend.

  • 8. lifeisacookie  |  February 9, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Oh I know — but Palm Beach County has it’s good points too … I think …

  • 9. writechicpress  |  February 9, 2009 at 11:27 am

    Totally, Cookie.

  • 10. curious  |  February 9, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    the choice is yours

  • 11. lifeisacookie  |  February 9, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Wait Big C — I’m confused … what choice?

    To live here In Flaaaaariduh … or to live my life in such a restricted or fabricated or just not me way as to hopefully, maybe in some intangible way guarantee myself a spot (or prevent myself from getting one) in a place no one can say with any definitive authority actually exists but a lace, no less, that I’m suppose hope for … or fear … or both???

  • 12. curious  |  February 9, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    believe or not. that is your choice. that is real. i know where i put my faith and it’s not in some mystic dream of the prophet Emily Dickenson.

    it’s easy to live life any way you want to and then justify it on the grounds that there are no consequences or higher authority. the choice is yours.

    it is sad to know so many will perish because they made the wrong choice. and christians are riduculed for being weak and having ‘blind faith’. trust me, it’s a much harder road to and takes a much stronger person to repent and strive to live a christian life.

  • 13. lifeisacookie  |  February 9, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    Well, I see where you’re coming from and I defintely respect your faith — but I’d sure hate to think I’ll burn in the supposed eternal fires of damnation just because my upbringing was unique enough to include many religions, instead of just ‘the one’.

    Gues we’ll see, right?

  • 14. writechicpress  |  February 9, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Uh, Christians are ridiculed for being lying, whoring sex fiends and child fuckers. Hello.

    Vitter. Bruce Barclay. Matthew Joseph Elliott. Robert McKee. Daniel Dean Thompson. Derek Walker. Larry Craig. Ted Haggard. Louis Beres. Steve Aiken. Larry Corrigan. Jeffrey Ray Nielsen. Carey Lee Cramer. Brent Schepp.

  • 15. Type Writer  |  February 9, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    I think it’s entirely possible to be a Christian and not believe that the Saviour is showing up in the form of a stain on the door of a used-car dealership. The two are not mutually exclusive, and besides, the car-dealership stain is not mentioned anywhere in the New Testament 🙂


  • 16. springdaddy  |  February 10, 2009 at 12:54 am

    I with you on this one TW. I know my God, and he said nothing last time we talked about hanging out at the used car dealership in a stain. Images are no more than personal beliefs.

  • 17. curious  |  February 10, 2009 at 4:03 am

    i agree tw. jesus ain’t coming as a grilled cheese sandwich either.

    lots of people claim to be christians. that don’t make it so wcp. but, we are all sinners and some of us are saved by god’s grace.

    cookie, i’ll pray for you. i’ll even pray for obama, just not his policies

  • 18. lifeisacookie  |  February 10, 2009 at 11:06 am

    Thanks Big C — you’re just a big soft pile of sexy manflesh, after all 🙂

  • 19. curious  |  February 10, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    hey cookie, did you go and see the ‘Mr B O’ today?

  • 20. lifeisacookie  |  February 10, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    I WISH!!! He’s on the other side of the state and then there’s that whole 1,000-feet mess …

  • 21. curious  |  February 11, 2009 at 12:32 am

    i just watched a rerun of the slobbering odrama supporters in fl today. i understand why women weren’t allowed to vote for so long. did anyone see B O kiss the homeless lady and the butch looking white woman saying “i love you B O”? she looked like a crazed elvis fan from the 70’s. obviously not a sane person. it just goes to show that obama is only a celebrity, no different than brittney spears or j lo.

    now for that stupid kid who complained about working at mcdonalds for 4 1/2 years and not being a millionaire, needs to take an economics class. it’s an entry level job and that’s why you can buy a double cheesburger for $1 there. he was obviously an idiot by his reaction to asking a question to the chosen one. B O even laughed at him.

  • 22. Type Writer  |  February 25, 2009 at 5:48 am

    i agree tw.

    Curious, if I ever put up a testimonial page on my blog, this comment will be the first entry 🙂

    Florida has a bad track record when it comes to creating sensations about religious images showing up places. About ten years over in Tampa there was pandemonium outside an office building on which the residual oil on the windows looked like an image of the Virgin Mary. I believe the building owners ended up cleaning the windows to make the crowds go away 🙂

  • 23. Oh Good God! « Life Is A Cookie  |  May 7, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    […] pets or me that you’ve found some kind of shitty substitute for salvation in your salami, at the local car dealership or on your kitchen […]

  • 24. Go with Gordo « Life Is A Cookie  |  March 2, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    […] March 2, 2011 No, this is not a repeat of the great splotch of sanctification or the faux-marble floor messiah or even the miraculous window pane of piety. […]

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