He really IS everywhere!

January 2, 2009 at 10:11 pm 10 comments


I know you can have Christ between your thighs.
I’ve heard of finding The Chosen One at the bottom of a bottle of Cuervo.
I can’t imagine a touchdown without a JC shoutout in the endzone!
He’s even the headliner at murder trials, parole hearings and bond negotiations nationwide!

… but finding Jesus on the floor???

Well, let’s just say that  shocks me to my very sole.

jesustile1But Antonia Baker —–>
says she first saw the messiah in the floor of her Nevada home
three years ago during …
::: … wait for it :::

… the Christmas season
::: OF COURSE!!! :::

… while she was recovering from surgery for
::: … wait for it :::

an EYE injury!
::: mmm hmmm! :::

jesustileHer doctors told her to keep her head down because it would allow her retina to heal.
She wasn’t allowed to read or use the computer, so she spent three solid weeks STARING AT THE FLOOR!
::: no word on who told her to install the fug faux-marble tiles or keep a piano in her cupboard, but whatever … bitch saw Christ, ‘kay? ::

That’s the actual tile up there – where you can spot the Son of God for your very own self!!!

Now, me? Am I surprised to hear that Jesus jumps out at geriatrics who eyeball their floor for 21 days?
HELL NO!
*oops, sorry Jesus!!*
GOSH NO!

I once stared at a piece of screening spline so long that I swear it wiggled one end, sprouted a pair of googly eyes and winked at me before running away screaming something about evil Jell-O.

No shit! It ran away, which, as you know is pretty fucking remarkable seeing as how screening spline doesn’t have any legs!

… ahh post-surgery Percodan …

SOURCE
Photos: Antonia Baker

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Not THAT’S using your thinkin’ cap, Scooter! When gardeners go bad

10 Comments

  • 1. this buddy of mine  |  January 3, 2009 at 4:21 am

    everyone knows that Jesus would only appear in wood flooring made from Lebanese Cedar trees…I mean come on!

  • 2. noni  |  January 3, 2009 at 4:27 am

    I clicked the link — you can see the kitchen better in the photo from the story and I dont’ think Jesus would approve.
    WWJD — get the hell outta that kitchen!

  • 3. MommyCity  |  January 3, 2009 at 6:21 am

    Somebody print this out and send it to the ol’ bat. She’ll freak!
    http://www.eyetricks.com/jesus.htm

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  January 3, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    Ooo — freaky!!

    Don’t you think she kind of looks like the mom on ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ … or maybe I stared at the Jesus optical illusion too long???

  • 5. writechicpress  |  January 3, 2009 at 10:57 pm

    I saw a freaky, Ren and Stimpy-esque Jesus. I clicked your source and saw the boring thing our patient calls our Lord and Savior. Psshaw. Check out the Holy One appearing as a pancake:

  • 6. MommyCity  |  January 4, 2009 at 2:45 am

    I triple dog dare ya’ll to stare at the optical illusion for 10 minutes straight.

  • 7. Jesus Saves … car dealership? « Life Is A Cookie  |  February 7, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    […] 7, 2009 Jesus Sightings: They’re not just for crazy old ladies staring at the floor for weeks on end! ::: YAY JESUS FOR EVERYONE!!! […]

  • 8. Oh Good God! « Life Is A Cookie  |  May 7, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    […] But for the love of all that is good, holy and not hindered by a fantascially phenomenal mind-altering chemical experience – stop trying to convince yourselves, your kids, your pets or me that you’ve found some kind of shitty substitute for salvation in your salami, at the local car dealership or on your kitchen floor! […]

  • 9. We interrupt this blog … « Life Is A Cookie  |  June 22, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    […] means Sarah Palin can continue the Imawhackjob World Tour-a-palooza. (TEEBEGGURZZ UNITE!) It means Jesus freaks everywhere can continue to see the holiest of holies in the unlikeliest of places (and do other […]

  • 10. Go with Gordo « Life Is A Cookie  |  March 2, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    […] 2, 2011 No, this is not a repeat of the great splotch of sanctification or the faux-marble floor messiah or even the miraculous window pane of […]


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