Posts tagged ‘auto’

Jesus Saves … car dealership?


Jesus Sightings: They’re not just for crazy old ladies staring at the floor for weeks on end!
::: YAY JESUS FOR EVERYONE!!! :::

PT_301357_ROTH_jesus_3Case in point: In the center of a door in a Dade City, Florida used car sales manager’s office is a wood stain about 3 feet tall that some folks are swearing up, down and sideways looks juuuust like the Lamb of God himself!
::: Get a good deal on a used Saturn and see your Savior at the same time?!? Now that’s what I call one-stop shopping!! :::

“Anybody who’s seen pictures of the burial cloth and image of Christ that’s on that cloth — that same image is on that door,” said Chip Davis, who runs a paintless dent removal service that services the Jarrett Ford Lincoln Mercury dealership.

Really?
The exact same identically corresponding one???

‘Cuz I just don’t see the Great Splotch of Supreme Spirituality when I look at that stain.

I do, however, see a remarkably striking resemblance to Cousin It.

See it?
Sure you do!
Take away the top hat and it’s an Addams Family moment all the way!

But my homegirl — and fellow hellbound non-believing heathen — Ruth Johnson thinks “it looks a little bit like Sasquatch.”
::: mmmm hmm – I feel that ::: 

And customer James Bauman Jr.?
He first described it as “Christ in a Jedi outfit,” then as a “Persian king.”
James thinks the stain is really, truly, deeply meaningful.
“I believe the Rapture is just around the corner,” he said.
::: James may want to lay off the Natty Light before giving his next interview ::: 

Cliff Martin, the dealership’s general manager, doesn’t attach spiritual significance to the office door. But at least he was honest enough to admit he doesn’t mind if the Discoloration of Demented Devotion brought more bodies through the door.
::: Those cars aren’t going to sell themselves, now are they?!? ::: 

“I like to say we’re blessed but we’re not breaking any sales records, so maybe we’re just blessed to be in business.”

Jesus Saves …

SOURCE
DOOR PHOTO: Lance Aram Rothstein – St. Petersburg Times

February 7, 2009 at 4:11 pm 24 comments

Dumbass of the Day


Once upon a time, a dumbass Chevy dealer [is there any other kind?] staged a dumbass Monster Truckgasm [again … ] so he could show the dumbass faithful how to ‘CRUSH THE COMPETITION!!!’

And by ‘crush the competition’ we mean, of course, that he would implement an incentive plan for more responsible SUV ownership leveraging new hybrid and E85 technological functionalities alongside an aggressive buy-back program as part of a broader 5-year phaseout strategy.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Just kidding!

He was gonna fuck some shit UP, y’all!

James Severtson of Hilo, Hawaii’s Island Chevrolet had the bright idea of rolling a retardedly mountainous American-made machine over some silly ass Asian rice-burner, ‘cuz, you know – ‘that’ll show ’em’ … or something …
::: my my, how original :::

“We’d like to send the message that the best way to support your country is to buy an American vehicle today,” Severtson said.

So Brainiac arranged for a Chevrolet Suburban SUV …
::: Umm, would that be the Chevy Suburban made in Janesville, Wisconsin or the one made in Silao … MEXICO??? :::

… outfitted with massive tires costing $5,000 apiece
::: Well sure! Because in these hard economic times, what better way to illustrate the woes of the American automotive industry than to dump $20k on tires  … :::

… to annihilate the  Marysville, Ohio -YOUESSOFAYYYY-made Honda Accord
::: USA! USA! :::

‘Cept the dumbass plan didn’t exactly go according to … well, the dumbass plan!
::: INCONCEIVABLE! :::

On the first attempt, the Suburban blew a hydraulic hose and sprung a big ol’ leak … while the Honda remained intact and ready for more.
::: ruh roh :::

After several embarassing hours, the truck was repaired and the driver tried again — but this time he added a Hyundai Excel to the mix.
::: Whew! Becuase, unlike the Hyundai Santa Fe and Sonata, which are made in Alabama, the post-95 Excel (AKA the Accent) IS foreign made … so, like YAY, woohoo and coolification — they got one right! :::

In the end, the Suburban drove over the cars’ hoods and destroyed their windshields … while onlookers the dumbass faithful squealed with [what else?] dumbass delight.

… and the American auto industry was saved … or … not …

December 22, 2008 at 4:47 pm 3 comments

Toemercial appeal?


camel toe commercial

Only once in my life have I ever seen an instance of camel toe worse than this — and, at least, HIS was on purpose!

What I want to know — what I MUST know is just who in the hell screened the local auto dealership commercial featuring the spokestoe above and said ‘Now that there is a go for air, gents!’.

Was it a blind dude?
Was it her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend?
Was it that bitch from accounting who found out she lost out to ol’ blondie in the race to date the dealership’s F&I manager?

Seriously! Who could have possibly watched the teevee spot featuring this facially attractive woman wearing the horrifically ill-fitting khaki pants and thought ‘Yessss, whale tail — THAT’S what new car buyers are looking for!’

Someone who never made it down that far. That’s who.
Which means it had to be a man.

Blonde hair: CHECK
Ample boobage: CHECK
Almost too-tight shirt: CHECK

And the toemercial is born.

June 23, 2008 at 10:22 am 4 comments

FREE MONEY!


Mystery man giving out cash in FloridaA well-dressed mystery man is driving around central Florida handing out cash to people at service stations. 

Two people in Brandon, a male cabbie and a woman driver, reported receiving cash from a man wearing a shirt and tie (and, we assume, pants).
The woman told clerks at the Mobil station that she received $55 and was able to put three whole gallons of gas in her car!! Woo hoo!!

Similar incidents were reported in St. Petersburg.

Why does this stuff NEVER happen with I’m around?!?

 

May 7, 2008 at 3:27 pm 4 comments

This is nuts!


Man with bulls balls hanging from his truckDang it all to hell and back!
They’s up thar in Tallahassee tryin’ to pass laws sayin’ we cain’t have no truck balls no more. What IS this world comin’ tew, I ask yew?!?

Yesstiddy, a buncha senators got together and made it a law sayin’ people with trailer hitches that look like the dangling southern end of a northbound bull are gonna hafta pay a big ol’ $60 fine.

Seextee dollerz! That thar is a lot of munee!! People are gonna hafta be choosin’ between their beer and their balls! Yew talk about yer rock and yer hard place? Thass it, right thar!

Next thang ya know, they’re gonna tell us we cain’t pimp our rides with mudflap girls or the Confederate flag or nuthin’ no more — cuz their ‘offensive’ or some bullcrap like ‘at.

I bet yew this whole mess got started by some panty waste liberal commie pinko or maybe one o’ them soccer moms you always hear ’bout bitchin’ about this thang or that thang her ‘preshuss kid’ wuz exposed to or some kinda crap like ‘at.

Mobile home trailer, double wide trailer trailer parkIt jess takes one pansy ass like ‘at to go an’ ruin it fer the rest of us!

I mean, this is really some serious shit, y’all!

Sheeeyuht!
I know a buncha folks who’re gonna hafta sell the trailer over all the fines they’s gonna git. An’ all jess cuz somebuddy didd’n think havin’ someone’s balls in their face wuz PC.

Wut-EVER!

 

 

April 18, 2008 at 4:05 pm 15 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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