When gardeners go bad

January 4, 2009 at 4:24 pm 4 comments

Postal workers in Orange County, California need some time off.

The staff at the Dana Point Post Office must be cracking after all of the holiday dispatch hullaballoo because they lost their collective shit recently over some dude trying to mail an envelope.

Postal workers said envelope man was wearing *ACK* rubber gloves at the time of the drop off and was *DOUBLE ACK* acting strange.

So they called Johnny Law on evil envelope man.

Some of Orange County’s finest followed depraved envelope man to a nearby restaurant and took his ass 20 kinds of DOWN!

According to an officer on the scene, the evildoer man said he was in a rush to destroy get to the post office before it went boom closed. He said he had been buying cyanide online doing yard work earlier and forgot that he was wearing the gloves.

HAHAHA! Nice try heinous envelope man! But you can’t fool the USPS with your crafty tales of insidious landscapage!!!

It is clear that you are an evildoing GARDENING terrorist bent on destroying the good ol’ U-S of A with you sinister parcel of doom!!!

Which is why authorities evacuated the entire facility and brought in bomb squad and Hazmat teams who inspected the ominous envelope and determined it to be …

yeah, no fucking threat whatsoever.




Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, crime, culture, education, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, government, health, holiday, humor, law enforcement, life, media, News, odd, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

He really IS everywhere! Al Franken is king of Senaterica!!


  • 1. noni  |  January 4, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    Can he sue them? What is his name? I wonder if there was profiling going on — it’s California, after all …

  • 2. MommyCity  |  January 4, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    This actually sounds like a fun day out on the town. *note to self* Buy gardening gloves before mailing next package.

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  January 4, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    Good plan! I mean, now that we’ve been trained for years to see terrorism in everyday things … and our neighbors and our kids’ teachers and the people sitting next to us on a plane and the checkout guy at Publix … it’s only a matter of time before the evil doers doing their evil really win when we all become suspect … oh wait — I guess that’s already happened.

  • 4. this buddy of mine  |  January 5, 2009 at 3:47 am

    I mean seriously…everyone know Arabs don’t do lawncare…what were they thinking?

This is the shit you bitches are reading

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: