Posts tagged ‘image’

He really IS everywhere!


I know you can have Christ between your thighs.
I’ve heard of finding The Chosen One at the bottom of a bottle of Cuervo.
I can’t imagine a touchdown without a JC shoutout in the endzone!
He’s even the headliner at murder trials, parole hearings and bond negotiations nationwide!

… but finding Jesus on the floor???

Well, let’s just say that  shocks me to my very sole.

jesustile1But Antonia Baker —–>
says she first saw the messiah in the floor of her Nevada home
three years ago during …
::: … wait for it :::

… the Christmas season
::: OF COURSE!!! :::

… while she was recovering from surgery for
::: … wait for it :::

an EYE injury!
::: mmm hmmm! :::

jesustileHer doctors told her to keep her head down because it would allow her retina to heal.
She wasn’t allowed to read or use the computer, so she spent three solid weeks STARING AT THE FLOOR!
::: no word on who told her to install the fug faux-marble tiles or keep a piano in her cupboard, but whatever … bitch saw Christ, ‘kay? ::

That’s the actual tile up there – where you can spot the Son of God for your very own self!!!

Now, me? Am I surprised to hear that Jesus jumps out at geriatrics who eyeball their floor for 21 days?
HELL NO!
*oops, sorry Jesus!!*
GOSH NO!

I once stared at a piece of screening spline so long that I swear it wiggled one end, sprouted a pair of googly eyes and winked at me before running away screaming something about evil Jell-O.

No shit! It ran away, which, as you know is pretty fucking remarkable seeing as how screening spline doesn’t have any legs!

… ahh post-surgery Percodan …

SOURCE
Photos: Antonia Baker

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January 2, 2009 at 10:11 pm 10 comments

One of these is not like the others



::: SPIFF! :::

SOURCE

November 6, 2008 at 12:07 am

Dangerous Territory


C’mon Big Mac! I’ve made no secret that I’m ALL for you and The Alaskan Hotness sexing up the campaign — but let’s be careful here!

Everyone knows that when Republicans [Mark Foley] and topless young boys [Mark Foley] get together it rarely ends well [Mark Foley]

Ever notice how MAVERICK and MANSDICK have the same number of letters?
::: hehe … yes, I am three :::

PHOTO

October 22, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Thursday Theatrics – Giuliani Style!


Rudy “9-11” Giuliani’s 22-year-old douchebag son has filed a 198-page lawsuit against Duke University for cutting him from the school’s golf team.
::: I OBJECT! :::

Andrew Giuliani says Duke is in ‘breach of contract’ by cutting him because he was ‘recruited’ by the previous golf staff.

WOW! Recruited! He must be GOOD then, right???
Umm, like no ‘n stuff?

Yummy stats, anyone?

  • Last season The Blue Devil’s golf team had 14 players.
  • Rudy’s Runt was one of nine players who competed in only one or two tournaments.
  • The team’s top five golfers, on the other hand, competed in at least nine tournaments.
  • Pussyboy’s best finish was a tie for 36th at the Fighting Illini Invitational.
  • Asscrack’s season competition average was 74.5, which made him the 12th best player on the 14-player team.
    ::: Duke’s the one who should be suing! Just who the hell was the asshat who ‘recruited’ this loser?!? :::
  • So the coach decides to whittle the team to about half its size and used the time-tested practice of keeping the best players — but ‘Drool wasn’t havin’ any of that action and got all ‘don’t you know who I am?!?’

    They did.
    You’re a loser.
    They cut you.
    That’s life.
    Deal.

    There is no ‘Andrew’ in TEAM.

    Andouche said he’s suing because privileged uppercrusters like him always gets what they want and no way some golf-pro wannabe teacher is gonna stand in his way “to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else at Duke.”
    Ya.
    Bitch forgot to mention he’s also suing for as much money as he can shake from the Duke dollar tree ‘unspecified compensatory damages’ and use of the school’s state-of-the-art golf center (while he is in school and after he graduates).
    Drama Queen also wants a jury trial.

    So does mommy.

    “This has been heartbreaking,” Donna Hanover, said in a statement. “We tried for many months to convince members of the Duke administration that because we are rich and white ‘the rules’ don’t apply to us this situation should be corrected and we are pissed off and looking for retribution sad that we have now had to turn to the court.”

    If this ginormous waste of time and taxpayer dollars does go to trial, I hope it’s on teevee and Judge Judy gets the call so she can brand his pampered puss with her own special brand of ‘I don’t think so!’
    I would TIVO the hell outta that shit and throw a big ol’ Bew Hew Ball so people could gather to eat popcorn and point and laugh hysterically at little Andy … just like those lucky bastards at Duke get to do every day!

    Good times!

    July 24, 2008 at 7:54 pm 6 comments

    Dare to compare


    I had some fun earlier this week when one area rag cut some copy editing corners, resulting in a headline hee hee.
    This morning I’m doing something similar with a blotter item  – only don’t wait for the hee hee. It’s not coming.

    Laziness like this – and on a damn blotter item – is just aggravating as hell.
    But, hey, I haven’t finished my coffee yet, so maybe it’s just me …

    Exhibit A:

    Exhibit B:

    July 17, 2008 at 2:03 pm 5 comments



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