Posts tagged ‘mother’
GIRLCRUSH!!!!!!!!!
I think I’m in love with another woman.
Don’t worry … I think Mr. Cookie won’t mind.
<—- Meet Whitney Harding.
Whitney is a 39-year-old Lone Star mama who juggles several jobs, including being a wife and mother of two, being her block’s resident MILF (look at that hot slut – no lie!) while also acting as the new PTA council president in her kids’ school district, volunteering at their school and selling cosmetics.
Bitch is busy, ‘kay?
But somewhere in the mangled mess of her daily ‘Must Do’ list she still finds time for what really matters.
Roller Derby.
She’s the blocker for the Dallas Derby Devils league’s ‘Slaughterers’ – her derby handle is ‘Homewrecker’ and she’s 20 different kind of ready to knock a rival skank OUT when duty calls.
::: 
:::
“I like a good solid hit,” she said. “It’s just about making a good solid hit, helping your jammer get through the pack.”
Oh my God I love her SO much!!!!!
When I was a kid my mom would take me to Oxmoor Ice Lodge to play mixed-youth hockey. You just cannot beat that shit!
With just a little padding, a helmet and skates I was transformed each week into an adolescent, ice-bound KILLING MACHINE.
Seriously! Once practice was over and our coach was gone – the rink opened up to the date-night lovey-dovey’s and that’s when I’d kick it into hyperdrive, get my speed skate on ’round rink’s edge – going faster and Faster and FASTER – before picking out a coupla handholders and BUSTIN’ THOSE BITCHES APART!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!
It was the BEST!
Ooohhhhh I’d forgotten how much I loved it, how much I missed that kind of excitement, how much I still want to knock shit down!!
Whitney has put her derby voodoo mojo on me and awakened an inner desire that I’m not sure I can ignore!
I just may have to trot my buns down to the Broward County Derby Grrls’ Fresh Meat Sunday and bust a bitch down move!
… I just need to think of a super way cool total HBIC derby nickname …
Dumb Bitch of the Day
Some dumb bitch in Ohio is in hot water for breast-feeding her child and talking on the phone while driving.
No — she’s not a dumb bitch because she was breast-feeding. I’m not even going to get into that argument, it’s so 1994! Breast-feeding is a beautifully wonderfully natural enterprise that I wholly support.
And no — she’s not a dumb bitch because she was on her cellphone. It’s a necessary and totally rewarding endeavor that I wholly support.
** Unless she wasn’t using a Bluetooth earpiece while driving. If she was holding that shit up to one ear — then, yes, she is a dumb bitch for being on her cellphone. **
This idiot is a dumb bitch because she thinks it’s ok to do feed and chat, in tandem, while steering her mom-mobile through morning traffic.
And she earns dumb fucking bitch honors because she doesn’t care that her own child’s safety is the reason there is a LAW requiring drivers to put childern under four years old or under 40 pounds in a safety seat.
“When my baby wants to eat, she wants to eat and I’m not gonna listen to that all across town to Kettering and back everyday,” Genine Compton said.
So you’re annoyed by the sound of your own baby?
Uh huh – s’cool and all — but instead of going full retard on the expressway, how about the really renegade move of pulling the fuck OVER!!!
Seriously!!
Don’t get all militant la leche league pissypants on me, because I don’t
gives a rats ass if you breast feed your brat in public.
Go for it!
Whip that bad boob out and go to town for all I care …
… just don’t do it on the way to town, which is exactly what she did.
Police were alerted to the situation when a passing motorist called to report the multitasker, saying “I tried to say something to her. She literally has the little girl on the steering wheel and I said, ‘I can’t believe you have that kid in your lap and she said, ‘You want to pop your titty out and breastfeed this kid?’ That’s what she said to me. I’m like, ‘You can feed your kid when you stop.’ It’s, like, wet out here. It’s full of traffic. It’s ridiculous. She’s got, like, three other kids in the car.”
“Our issue is not the fact that this woman was breast-feeding in public,” Kettering Officer Michael Burke said, adding the dumb bitch would have been charged even if the child was just sitting on her lap.
“Our issue is that she created the condition that placed her child’s health and safety at risk.”
Only she’s too much of a dumb bitch to give a shit.
So be alert, Ohioans!
In order to avoid her next ticket, this dumb bitch just may put one of her other little dickens in the driver’s seat!
What’s in a name? Everything.
Just when I was beginning to think it would never be possible to dig emotionally deep enough to warm the bitter recesses of my cold, cold heart – I get an email with a link to a story so uplifting I couldn’t not pass it on.
::: ^5 Springdaddy :::
It’s about a bunch of steely-eyed ironworkers building the new 14-story Yawkey Center at Boston’s Dana Farber Cancer Institute who have figured out a truly ingenious way to give sick children help … in the form of hope.
“Every day, children who come to the clinic write their names on sheets of paper and tape them to the windows of the walkway for ironworkers to see,” writes Michael Levenson of The Boston Globe.
“And, every day, the ironworkers paint the names onto I-beams and hoist them into place as they add floors” to the building.
“It’s fabulous,” one patient’s mother said.
“It’s just a simple little act that means so much. They don’t have to do this, the guys. They could just do their job and do a good job at it and give us a building that we can get treatment at, but they go the extra step and that’s huge.”
Most days, Levenson writes, “the clinic’s walkway fills up like the passageway of an aquarium, packed with children gazing through the glass.
“When a new name goes up on the building, the children cheer and clap.”
The building is quickly becoming a monument — living testimony — to lives of the scores of children receiving treatment at the clinic.
Over the last month, the ironworkers “have painted more than 100 names on the building and emblazoned part of their crane with a likeness of SpongeBob SquarePants.
“They have also painted a few special messages on the steel, like ‘Hi Hanna Get Well ASAP :)’ ”
Click here to watch a video of the ironworkers in action and read Levenson’s full story.
** just be sure you have a box of Puffs on standby **
The Inside (pooper) Scoop
OMG!
Whew!!
I am so relieved!!!
Our long national nightmare may finally, actually, for REAL this time be, like, a serious kind of over!!!
Reports have surfaced that the rainbow king has made the ultimate headway!
True Progress!!
A FINAL DECISION!!!
Yes, my friends — at long last — we have a breeeeeeed!!
The crack investigative team over at People Magazine has revealed that Renegade and Renaissance have decided it will be a Portuguese Water dog for little Radiance and Rosebud.
:::: exhaaaaaaaale :::
“Temperamentally they’re supposed to be pretty good,” the HBIC told the mag. “From the size perspective, they’re sort of middle of the road – it’s not small, but it’s not a huge dog. And the folks that we know who own them have raved about them. So that’s where we’re leaning.”
Wait. Did she say ‘leaning’?
Leaning?
Leaning??
What is this leaning bullshit?!?
You’ve either decided or you haven’t — it is just. That. SIMPLE!!!
‘Leaning’ indicates an inclination, a proclivity, a liking — it’s not exactly a word that denotes the kind of concrete finality People Magazine led me to believe we were talking about here!
Those fuckers — I, I, I can’t take this stress! The waiting? The wondering?? The worry?!?
Nu nu nu nu nooooooooooo … those little bitches are getting a Portuguese Water dog and that’s that!
Case closed!
Done deal, people!!!
Don’t make me come up there!
Oh there’s a special place, indeed!
*WARNING*
1.) The following content is replete with expletives for which I will not apologize as they are 100% wholly appropriate and I’m in no mood for argument — so just deal with the knowledge going in or move on right now.
2.) Oh, and also, there is a photo below that’s graphic, so if you’re squeamish, see the end of #1.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This pisses me off.
<—- This fat motherfuck of a fucking FUCK royally pisses me off!!
That gross muddascunt is 68-year-old Robert M. Rozenti of Port St. Lucie, Florida — who was just arrested and charged with neglect of an elderly person after his 90-year-old mother was found emaciated, left in urine-soaked clothes and wearing shoes that had GROWN INTO HER FEET!!!
His.
Own.
MOTHER!
I think if you look up scumsuckingdouchebaglazygreedyidiotfatass in the dictionary — it has his picture right there …
… and if it doesn’t, it should!
Mr. Ihopehissorryassrotsinhell told police that, not only was he the sole provider for his mother, but he was also appointed as her power of attorney back in 2006.
::: I wonder if that was around the same time he stopped giving a good goddamn about her? :::
Police were called in after she fell in the home she shared with Mr. Worstsoninthehistoryoftheknownuniverse and had to be taken to the hospital, where paramedics informed them of her condition.
And then, of course, they saw her feet.
The police report says “her shoes were soiled with what appeared to be fecal matter … that part of her slippers were embedded in her skin and that her toenails had taken the shape of her shoes.”
When questioned by police, Mr. Ideserveadailyassrapingwithbrokenglass said he didn’t have a good relationship with his mother as he was her “illegitimate son.” He also said he was aware that his mother needs 24-hour care, but admitted he does not provide that for her.
::: ummm, yah — I think that’s PAINFULLY obvious, you goddamned fucking FUCKTARD! :::
You know — sometimes prison just isn’t enough …
SOURCE (with more photos for the not-so-faint-of-heart)
Life Is A Cookie 
This is the shit you bitches are saying