March 9, 2009 at 5:50 pm 15 comments

I think I’m in love with another woman.
Don’t worry … I think Mr. Cookie won’t mind.

413-profile_harding_03-08-2009_arlingtons_4bs2uvqembeddedprod_affiliate58<—- Meet Whitney Harding.

Whitney is a 39-year-old Lone Star mama who juggles several jobs, including being a wife and mother of two, being her block’s resident MILF (look at that hot slut – no lie!) while also acting as the new PTA council president in her kids’ school district, volunteering at their school and selling cosmetics.

Bitch is busy, ‘kay?

But somewhere in the mangled mess of her daily ‘Must Do’ list she still finds time for what really matters.

Roller Derby.

She’s the blocker for the Dallas Derby Devils league’s ‘Slaughterers’ – her derby handle is ‘Homewrecker’ and she’s 20 different kind of ready to knock a rival skank OUT when duty calls.
:::   :::

“I like a good solid hit,” she said. “It’s just about making a good solid hit, helping your jammer get through the pack.”

Oh my God I love her SO much!!!!!

When I was a kid my mom would take me to Oxmoor Ice Lodge to play mixed-youth hockey. You just cannot beat that shit!

With just a little padding, a helmet and skates I was transformed each week into an adolescent, ice-bound KILLING MACHINE.

Seriously! Once practice was over and our coach was gone – the rink opened up to the date-night lovey-dovey’s and that’s when I’d kick it into hyperdrive, get my speed skate on ’round rink’s edge – going faster and Faster and FASTER – before picking out a coupla handholders and BUSTIN’ THOSE BITCHES APART!!!!

It was the BEST!

Ooohhhhh I’d forgotten how much I loved it, how much I missed that kind of excitement, how much I still want to knock shit down!!

Whitney has put her derby voodoo mojo on me and awakened an inner desire that I’m not sure I can ignore!

I just may have to trot my buns down to the Broward County Derby Grrls’ Fresh Meat Sunday and bust a bitch down move!

… I just need to think of a super way cool total HBIC derby nickname …


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True Must See TV!!!! Love Me (some legal) Tender


  • 1. writechicpress  |  March 9, 2009 at 6:48 pm


    You have to roll your tiny ass over to my site and see the video I got from Selma yesterday…ex-specially the Rush Limbaugh song.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  March 9, 2009 at 6:49 pm


  • 3. writechicpress  |  March 9, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    You’re the awesomestest.

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  March 9, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    uh uh — your daily video GOODNESS and ranterific excellence is!

  • 5. springdaddy  |  March 10, 2009 at 1:38 am

    Whoa…whoa whoa!!! Let’s get back to miss hotness!!! Ya know, the one that is a roller derby godess and, puts the smack down on PTA meetings. Hailing from the Lone Star State makes her that much more delicious to consume with my eyes.! I’m on my way to the next match! You’re gonna have to get in line behind me ToughCookie-crumbleicious!! 😉

  • 6. Ponchita  |  March 10, 2009 at 6:02 am

    My vote for your roller derby name is Raging Cookie! And on the back of your shirt it could read…”eat my crumbs, bitches!” Just a thought, sleep on it. Please oh please if you revisit your hell on wheels days, you have to wear the pom poms on the skates. hehe

    This lady up here on the article is the kind of mom that makes the rest of us slackers look bad though.

  • 7. noni  |  March 10, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    I like both of those names for your roller derby name but I think Raging Cookie would fit on a jersey better than TouchCookie-crumbleicious (did I spell that right?)

  • 8. Whitney Harding  |  May 24, 2009 at 5:12 am

    Hey, cookie, did you ever go out for the team?


  • 9. lifeisacookie  |  May 24, 2009 at 11:58 am

    Is this really you?
    I’m in New York but I SOOOO want your knowledge (and hair — seriously girl — those are some SUPER lush locks you’ve got going there!)

    The South Florida team had already begun when we got there — but I’ve got a friend who is DYING to do it too so power in numbers, which means I still think we maqy be able to try to squeeze in there. They have a practice on June 6 that we read about down in Broward!!

    • 10. Whitney Harding  |  May 26, 2009 at 2:54 am

      Go for it, cookie. Even the experience of trying out is a rush and something that makes your bad-ass-ness boil up! You never know till you try. then you can get the mad skills that you write about back up and running. and let. me. tell. you . something.. I knocked the bee jeebees outta someone last game with my own fan base watching and they will be forever impressed- how cool is that shit???

      June 6 is the count down… get yer self a badd ass set of wheels and pads and DO IT MAMMA!!

  • 11. lifeisacookie  |  May 26, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    Whitney — I am going for this like I went for my last tattoo (only not as drunk …) I’M THERE!!!!
    Kathinator — you with me girl?!?!?

  • 12. Whitney Harding  |  May 28, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    keep me posted!

  • 13. :( « Life Is A Cookie  |  February 1, 2010 at 11:19 am

    […] In my super sparkly Girl Crush Hall of Fame are worthies like Angelina Jolie, Salmmmmmma Hayek, the HBIC herself and, of course, the hotness that is Whitney Harding. […]

  • […] group of hot sluts and I recently channeled our inner Whitney Harding and beheld the rough-and-tumble awesomeness that was the Gold Coast Derby Grrls giving the […]

  • 15. We interrupt this blog … « Life Is A Cookie  |  June 22, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    […] means Whitney Harding can continue bringing the hotness to make up for the extreme sizzle-deficit caused by … well […]

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