I think I’m in love with another woman.
Don’t worry … I think Mr. Cookie won’t mind.
<—- Meet Whitney Harding.
Whitney is a 39-year-old Lone Star mama who juggles several jobs, including being a wife and mother of two, being her block’s resident MILF (look at that hot slut – no lie!) while also acting as the new PTA council president in her kids’ school district, volunteering at their school and selling cosmetics.
Bitch is busy, ‘kay?
But somewhere in the mangled mess of her daily ‘Must Do’ list she still finds time for what really matters.
She’s the blocker for the Dallas Derby Devils league’s ‘Slaughterers’ – her derby handle is ‘Homewrecker’ and she’s 20 different kind of ready to knock a rival skank OUT when duty calls.
“I like a good solid hit,” she said. “It’s just about making a good solid hit, helping your jammer get through the pack.”
When I was a kid my mom would take me to Oxmoor Ice Lodge to play mixed-youth hockey. You just cannot beat that shit!
With just a little padding, a helmet and skates I was transformed each week into an adolescent, ice-bound KILLING MACHINE.
Seriously! Once practice was over and our coach was gone – the rink opened up to the date-night lovey-dovey’s and that’s when I’d kick it into hyperdrive, get my speed skate on ’round rink’s edge – going faster and Faster and FASTER – before picking out a coupla handholders and BUSTIN’ THOSE BITCHES APART!!!!
It was the BEST!
Ooohhhhh I’d forgotten how much I loved it, how much I missed that kind of excitement, how much I still want to knock shit down!!
Whitney has put her derby voodoo mojo on me and awakened an inner desire that I’m not sure I can ignore!
I just may have to trot my buns down to the Broward County Derby Grrls’ Fresh Meat Sunday and bust a bitch down move!
… I just need to think of a super way cool total HBIC derby nickname …
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