Did I miss a memo?
I mean, ok, so I have been out of it for a bit, but really people — this is just a smouldering pile of fuckupery!
Has donating your own plasma suddenly become passé?
Is it no longer profitable to get paid to work the pole?
Did embezzlement somehow become obsolete?
I don’t know how or when it happened but I do know this:
This is a dark day!
THIS is a sure sign of the Apocolypse!!
THIS is when it becomes just a big ol’ bag of crystal clear that this New Great Depression shall see no end!!!
::: this is where you act all concerned and shit :::
Gone are the days of innovative income ideas.
In their place now exists a ramshackle rundown of dastardly deeds I didn’t think could get any worse – ooohhhh but it has!
Because it’s come to this:
Weave Theives are stealing America follicle by faux follicle!
A bunch of bandits recently broke in to an Atlanta beauty store and stone cold STOLE $30,000 worth of extensions!
Lucien Poko, manager at the Beauty Master store near Greenbriar Parkway told Atlanta police that four burglars were driving a black Chevrolet Suburban when they smashed the two front doors of his shop with a rock and went directly to the display of Remi hair extensions.
Those low-down dirty cheaters of the counterfeit coif were probably casing the joint for months. How else can the beeline to those specific braids be explained?!
And this isn’t the first time!
Last month, mop muggers rammed a car through the front door of a Clayton County beauty supply store and made off with $10,000 in fake follicles — a paltry payload by comparison but still distressing to those sans strand and cause for concern for the rest of us as well!
I mean, can you just imagine the HELL there will be to pay if Beyoncé can’t lace up her locks or if Sam Donaldson’s next piece gets purloined?!
And don’t even get me started on Jim Eastabrook!!!
C’mon America! Don’t we have better things to do? Better ways of amassing even the smallest semblance of wealth?!
We can do better!
The time is now to rise, rise I say and RALLY against this hair nightmare before the inanity goes national!!
::: this is where you go ‘bitch was gone for all this time and this is the best she can do on return?! :P:::