Put the brakes on breakfast, bitches!
The pancakes are pleased and the muffins amused but you can bet your sweet ass the ankle-biters in your abode are gonna be 12 shades of WAAAHHHHHHH when they find out about the nationwide waffle shortage.
!!!!! WAAAHHHHHHHFLE SHORTAGE !!!!!
That’s right, ‘rents – it’s time to push the panic button!
::: oh noes!!!!! :::
The Kellogg Company announced the awfulness and blamed the batter cake blight on “a confluence of events” — including Listeria monocytogenes [Mmmm Mmmm good!] that forced its Atlanta manufacturing plant to be shuttered for some serious sanitizing and then wouldnchajustnkowit – freak flooding at the same facility just as they were ready to resume production. 
::: timing is everything :::
Kellogg flak Kris Charles conceded, “Flooding at our Atlanta facility as well as equipment issues necessitating extensive enhancements and repairs at our largest waffle bakery facility.”
Oh, but it’s ok.
I’m sure they’re on it.
I’m sure they have a plan!
I’m sure they wouldn’t just wing it when it comes to a full-scale waffle washout!
“We are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible,” Charles said in crystal clear industry insider codespeak which, loosely translated, means ‘the chances of Joe Consumer gettin’ those griddle goodies at his local grocery are about the same as Palin getting a Pulitzer’.
::: Hi Slim! Meet NONE! :::
Hmmm … maybe it’s time to crack open that container of Kashi?
… just sayin’ …
3 comments November 19, 2009
WORD!
Unfriend.
Unfriend?!
UN-FREAKIN’-FRIEND?!?!?
Frealz — that trick was trotted out as the New Oxford American Dictionary’s vaunted ‘Word of the Year’!
I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!!!!
Each year Oxford University Press tracks how the English language is changing and chooses a word that best reflects the mood of the year … except that word is so last year!
Oxford lexicographer Christine Lindberg defended the dumbass decision by blah blah-ing something about ‘unfriend’ having “real lex appeal” or some shit.
::: WUT-EVAR! :::
I mean, ok, sure. I think we can all count our blessings that they didn’t go with the absolutely wretch-worthy ’staycation’ — but ‘unfriend’ as the word that best represents the mood of the year?!?
Not so much!
It was out the day the entire country basically ‘unfriended’ the Texas Twit and his gang.
It is so over! How could they not know that?!?
And – more to the point – how could they overlook the unlimited oodles of absolutely awesome utterings here at LIAC?!?
I DEMAND AN INVESTIGATION!!!!!
They missed my many, many, multitudinous, multifaceted missives on ’scientifical researchification’!
They patently pushed precious Ponchita’s ‘Hilariosity’ straight into the path of NOT HAPPENING and gave an absolute ‘uh uh’ to my admirably obnoxious and overzealous use of everything ‘asshat’!
::: TENFOLD FUCKERY!!! :::
No one — and I mean NO ONE – butchers the English language like I do!
RECKONIZE!!!
But, alas – this bitch cain’t get no ’spect, I ’spect?!?
So this is me chuckin the deuce and cuttin’ it loose!
’till tomorrow’s irritation, that is 
3 comments November 18, 2009
Uhhh …
3 comments November 17, 2009
Because …
… my beloved — if not always brilliant – Auburn Tigers couldn’t seal the deal against Georgia on Saturday …
::: Horror! Awfulness!! OUTRAGE!!! :::
… my neighbor actually – yet unbelievably — out-shouted my obnoxious ass on NFL Sunday …
::: fucking show-off :::
… my now ever-increased need for football fulfillment will NOT be achieved with tonight’s mightily muckerific Ravens-Browns matchup …
::: Brady Quinn – ’nuff said :::
Because the gridiron gods did not shine happiness and wonderment upon me this weekend, I must repeat my ‘It’s just a game. It’s just a game.’ mantra, while repairing the usual post-game property damage from the weekend and turn – as I always do – to Blaine Edwards and Antoine Merriweather to get me through these terribly trying times.
Man, I miss this show!
HEARTED IT!!!!!
Add comment November 16, 2009
