Pucker up, Buttercup!
Well slip me the tongue and call me protected!
I have been saved by the smooch!!
Some big brain over in Britain did some super serious scientifical researchification and discovered that “female inoculation with a specific male’s cytomegalovirus is most efficiently achieved through mouth-to-mouth contact and saliva exchange, particularly where the flow of saliva is from the male to the typically shorter female.”
Which is really just a big ol’ fancified $20 way of saying swapping spit can stop my sweet ass from getting sick!
Now I know why it is that I so very rarely get ill …
I’ve been innoculated by nookie!
::: and I LIKE it!! :::
I AM A MEDICAL MIRACLE!!!
I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!
::: suckit sickos!! :::
Dr. Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds says that smoochin’ on the same person for about six months provides the best protection.
::: I have soooo met that quota! :::
“As the relationships progresses and the kisses become more passionate, the woman’s immunity builds up, cutting her odds of becoming ill,” a report in the journal Medical Hypotheses states.
Flu shot, schmooo shmot — I am so healthy I don’t even need that shit!!!
I’m gonna go drink for 30 hours straight, get high on paint fumes, run with scissors and tear up the organ donor card, ‘cuz I’m here for the duration, bitches!
HAHAHAHAHA YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Hey hey Mr. Cookie! Bring those live savin’ lips back over here, babe!
1 comment November 6, 2009
A teaspoon of *&#!!* helps the medicine go down
Just occasionally, every now and then, you run across a story highlighting a shining, glittery human example of class, compassion and composure.
This is not one of those.
This is a story highlighting outrageous idiocy, indignation and irritation of epic proportions.
You know, the kind of shit we LOVE here at LIAC!!
Subway riders got a little girl-on-girl action this week, but not the kind you get to use your safe word with.
::: sadz :::
Two bitches got their brawl on while rolling southbound on New York’s D train because one of them didn’t think covering her cootie-spew was worth a good goddamn.
Which is the precise moment in time when Patty Pandemic piped up that 
Holly Hacksalot better wrap her disease-ridden trap the next time she felt the urge to expectorate all over the gat damn place!
And the piping persisted as perturbed Patty’s pissiosity precipitously progressed!
::: If you’re reading out loud – you prolly shoudda covered your mouth on that line! Just sayin’ :::
She “continued to yell at the cougher, berating her until she reacted, beginning to curse back,” one witness said. “It escalated, and the accosting woman yelled ‘get the conductor!’”
Eh, but no one did.
And why would they really?
Ringside fight tickets ain’t cheap, yo!
As the train pulled into the station, Holly Hacksalot had had enough – so she did what anyone with no manners or sense of decency, civility or style would do.
She spat ol’ Pat with her gak-filled spew.
::: cue the eww :::
Which is when Patty did just what you thought she’d do by promptly getting her punch and pull on.
“Then the cougher attempted to exit the train as the doors were opening, but the second woman grabbed her by the back of the hair, violently yanking her down to the floor.”
::: Hackey SACK! :::
But, alas - the fun couldn’t last forever and eventually those tricks would go their separate ways … to infect and abuse entire and whole new audiences.
::: That SNOT right!:::
But 
Holly better watch her step the next time she gets a hankering to hawk one up because the other passengers had Patty’s back on subway scuffle, remarking that Hacksalot “wasn’t even covering her mouth,” [hate that ho] and that they could have cold decked the cougher too because, after all, “that swine flu is treacherous.”
So what have we learned today kiddies?
Manage your malaise or prepare for payback.
We all ok now?
Good. Now go wash your hands. 
2 comments November 5, 2009
Grave mistake
What in funkified fucky-times hell is going on in South Carolina!?
If it’s not their hornytoad hypocrit of a governor out there gettin’ his ‘hike’ on, it’s idiot employees in their attorney general’s office out there gettin’ their creepily, kinked up copulation on!
Meet Roland Corning. —–>
Corning likes to spend quiet evenings in South Cackalackee cemeteries with 18-year-old strippers, a shitload of sex toys, some Viagra for good measure and a whole lotta ‘It’s OK, officer. See my official AG’s office badge!? You can go now.’ when the popo come poking around his perverse little playground.
::: Bow Chicka Bow EWWWWW!!! :::
But frealz – looking at Corning, I totally get why he goes for God’s acre as his pickup joint of choice. The competition is DEAD, yo!
Oh, but we I shouldn’t judge.
HAHAHAHAHA – that’s a joke.
Of COURSE I should!
But no.
I mean, after all – it’s not just his playground.
Palmetto Staters firmly flathand the ‘go for sex’ switch straight away – as long as they can get their ass grabbery on in a graveyard, that is!
::: Statewide Romance FAIL :::
And, lest you think otherwise – Corning wasn’t there just to fornicate around the flat and the festering.
Noooo. That was just his hoped-for outcum.
See, according to the police report, that sick slut says he always carries Viagra and sex toys, you know, “just in case.”
Because, well, shyeaaahh!
WHO DOESN’T, right?
::: uhhhh, most everyone?!? :::
Oh but this is too delish!
And South Carolina better watch out!
If it’s not careful it may just overtake Florida and Alabama as the kookiliciously cretinified capitals of America!
(Don’t feel left out Texas! Your crazyass cheerleaders earned you a permanent honorable mention in that category ages ago!)
4 comments November 3, 2009
