Posts tagged ‘work’

Subject: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!


The bitches I hang with are cool.
I call ’em ‘Thuh Kool Beeeez’.
They crack me up.
Little fuckers …


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:20 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

are you sh***ing me?

http://www.lyrictheatre.com/show/501-boyziimen0d0a


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:26 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

‘Uhh Ahh’, seems they are finding out ‘It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday’, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re ‘Under Pressure’ in ‘Motownphilly’ sweatin’ the ‘Little Things’ like ‘Your Love’.

All I can say, if you’re considering buying a ticket is ‘Please Don’t Go’ ‘Lonely Heart’ ‘Please Don’t Go’


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:29 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Wow you are a gigantic dork…


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:29 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

NOBODY PUTS COOLEYHIGHHARMONY IN A CORNER!!!

LOL!!!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:32 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

I kinda sorta really want to go. If it was Bell Biv Devoe (sp?) I would definitely be there.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:35 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Who would you go see less – Boyz II Men or P.M Dawn?

DISCUSS!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:41 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Honestly, I’m a little young. Hahahahahahaa. My first concert was vanilla ice.


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:43 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Mine was NKOTB


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:45 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

BAHAHSAHA


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:48 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

I know right…my mom took me..

U2 was my second concert


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:51 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

My first was Dan Fogelberg at the Oak Mountain Amphitheater with the editor (Brooks Atherton) from the Leeds News, where I worked the summer between my junior and senior years in high school.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. It’s time for my Metamucil.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:43 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

AND GET OFF MY LAWN!!!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:45 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

And into your car with the ragtop down so my hair can blow?


From: Koolbe_N
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:46 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

The girlies on stand by just waiting to say hi


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:50 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Did you stop? No, I just drove by


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:51 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Seriously…. DORKS


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:53 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

All Right!

Stop,

Collaborate,

And Listen.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:57 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

We should write our own …

All Right! Stop, Collaborate, And Listen.

Something in my car’s all knockin’ and hissin’


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:58 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Hope it’s not that Hoe in the Trunk

Knew I never shoulda gotten her drunk

?


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 5:00 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

July 28, 2011 at 11:03 pm 2 comments

Apparently, I don’t heart me


I work.
I work a lot.
And (like it’s a big secret here at LIAC?!) lately I am working more than ever.

I say I don’t mind.
It’s project-related.
It’s not long-term.

But I kind of mind.
And Mr. Cookie REALLY minds.

For all of the good reasons you’re already thinking.

Plus one.

According to a new study, I’m screwed.

See, a bunch of big brains over at the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health and University College London pooled their gray matter to do some serious CSI-type researchification on the long-term damage being overworked can do.

It was no great revelation that being overworked is bad for you.
That’s the kind of 2+2 shit I can work out in my own head.

What was just the teensiest smidge of uh oh was reading that people (like me) who work more than 10 hours a day (HAHAHAHA – only TEN? Fucking lightweights!) are about 60% more likely to develop heart disease or have a heart attack than people who clock just seven hours a day.

60%.
I am so screwed!

The study followed more than 6,000 British civil servants with no history of heart disease for an average of 11 years.
During the study, a total of 369 people had heart attacks (some of them fatal) or were diagnosed with heart disease after seeking medical attention for chest pain.

I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED!!

Fuckitalltohellandbacknow I need a drink … and I’d HAVE one too … if I wasn’t at work …

SOURCE

May 13, 2010 at 11:14 am 4 comments

Happy Layoff To You, Happy Layoff To You!


Old and busted: Surprising the birthday girl with streamers, balloons and cake on her special day
New Hotness: Surprising the birthday girl with the prospect of being laid off on her special day

A certain green-eyed girl I know is about to have a birthday.
A very important birthday.
A 29th birthday which, as we all know, is the true and undeniable symbolic end to the folly and childlike innocence drunken nonstop insanity of youth … which, as we all know, calls for a party with streamers, balloons and cake.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
NOT THIS TIME, BIOTCH!!

[NAME REDACTED],
Please be advise you are required to attend a confidential meeting on Tuesday, April 13, 2010 in the HR conference room.  Your manager will advise you of the meeting agenda on that date.

Regards
[NAME REDACTED]
Human Resources Employment Manager

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhh, let me just tell you there is NO joy quite as joyously joyful as the act of freaking a friend’s shit so bad that every drop of blood drains from her face in less than a nanosecond!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
GOOD TIMES!

But the best part isn’t even the wickedly FANTABULOUS HR prank – which, as we all know, is HELLAMEGAYEAH great.
Nope.
The best part was her hubster’s advice:

“I think that no matter what you should wear a party hat to the meeting. That way if it is a birthday thing then you’ve shown them that you weren’t fooled.

If, on the other hand, it is a firing – they simply cannot fire you … not wearing a birthday hat.

And if it is a departmental downsizing then they’ll want to keep you because you’ve obviously got the best attitude … you know … wearing a party hat to the down sizing.”

ÜBERHELLAMEGAYEAH!!!!!

Party City here I come!!!

*smooches girl*

April 7, 2010 at 10:02 am 6 comments

Patience, panhandlers!


It’s (almost) time to get happy, hobos because there’s a superserious respectable labor economist-type thinker out there projecting there will be more jobs than people to fill them in the United States by 2018.

USA! USA!!

That’s right breadliners!
You are free to now fully embrace your unemployability and savor that soup kitchen flavor ‘cuz salvation is a mere 2,920 days away!!!

WOO HOOO!!!

In his positively atrociously titled report (After the Recovery: Help Needed – The Coming Labor Shortage and How People in Encore Careers Can Help Solve It), equally atrociously titled Barry Bluestone, Dean of the School of Public Policy and Urban Affairs at Northeastern University, forecasts that within the next eight years there could be at least 5 million potential job vacancies in the United States.

YAY!

And nearly half of them (2.4 million) in social sector jobs in education, health care, government and nonprofit organizations …

WOWEE!!

… assuming a return to healthy economic growth and no change in immigration or labor force participation rates, that is.

Wait.
Did he sneak in an ‘assuming’ in there?

“If the baby boom generation retires from the labor force at the same rate and age as current older workers, the baby bust generation that follows will likely be too small to fill many of the projected new jobs.”

Wait.
Did I sniff an ‘if’?

I did!

‘Assume’ + ‘If’ = UNCERTAINTY!!!

NOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!!!!

Ohh, but hang on there bums – there is a silverlining to Mr. Smartypants’ analysis.

His report is one of four released this week by MetLife Foundation and Civic Ventures, a think tank on baby boomers, work and social purpose. And all four soboringifyouhaveinsomniayou’llbeasleepinnotime reports come to the same conclusion:
Workers over 55 will be vital to meeting work force shortages.

So, see?
Good news!

Long about the time your retirement savings run out and you’ve surrendered or sold most of your assets to feed the members of your extended family and their families who had to move in with you just to get through the New Great Depression ™ – you’ll get to go back to work!

yay?

SOURCE

March 25, 2010 at 10:13 am

Aim high


Four Detroit public high schools are embarking on a bold new plan to instill the drive for success in their students by guaranteeing them glitter, Riches and SECURITY in return for hard work and superachievery study habits!

HAHAHAHA!!!!!
Nooooo.

But they can help you get a job at Wal-Mart.

A new partnership between the daytime youth warehouses and the megagiant retail competition-crusher gives students future Made in China peddlers 10 shiny credits toward graduation, 11 superfun weeks of job-readiness training during the schoolday and *PAYDIRT* an after-school entry-level job at the store.
::: Cha … klink … 😦 :::

The Detroit Free Press talked to the principal of one of the schools who sounded positively giddy at the idea of trading his students’ future for finite financial gain.
“The program will allow students an opportunity to earn money and to be exposed to people from different cultures — since all of the stores are in the suburbs.”

Oh yes.
Because we all know how enlightening, elegant and all-around educational the People of Wal-Mart really are! —>

Not so giddy about the plan was Donna Stern, the Midwest coordinator for the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action, Integration & Immigrant Rights And Fight for Equality By Any Means Necessary (BAMN).
“They’re going to train students to be subservient workers,” she said. “This is not why parents send them to school.”

Now, it’s true that Detroit has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, so helping anyone get a job there is a true mitzvah.
And it’s also true that the school system has been run into the ground harder than ValuJet Flight 592, with frightful financials leading to layoffs and the closing of nearly 30 schools … and there’s about a hundredmilliongozillion percentage points of absolute certainty that there’s more where that came from.

So, you can close schools and you can layoff teachers but those pesky kids are gonna keep on comin’ – which begs the question: What DO you do with them?

Well? What?

Wait …You think I have a plan?!

HAHAHAHA!!!!!
Nooooo.

It’s Detroit!
They’re all fucked as far as I can see!

All I know is that if I’m one of those students, I’m taking ‘How to be a Wal-Mart Greeter 101′ and gettin’ my sweet ass an easy A!

SOURCE

February 26, 2010 at 11:17 am 4 comments

Heisman Schmeisman


Accolades and honors aren’t just about athletic achievment, people!

A major award is being handed down and if there’s any merit to logic at all – YOU, my friends, are totally missing it.

Ten dedicated SOBs (Servers of Burgers) are making hamburger history as the Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame Class of 2009.

Yes, you read that correctly.
There is a Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame.
And this special group of fast food faithfuls will now forever be a part of it.

INFAMY!!!

Accoutrements of the award include each Hall of Famer being featured on his or her very own super spectacular Krystal Hamburger or Cheese Krystal box, which will be first unveiled at each guests’ exclusive ceremony before being used in the 385 Krystal restaurants across the South beginning early next year.

Yes, you read that correctly.
They each get their own ceremony!
::: Kinda takes the special right out of the supermarket sheet cake your cubiclemates gave you at your last party, huh … :::

Each burger box will include an illustration of the Hall of Famer PLUS a quote that describes his or her passion for Krystal AND personal facts such as the inductee’s hometown and favorite Krystal meal.
::: Banana Freeze, Fries and Chili Cheese Pups at 2 in the morning after a night of binge drinking and bad decisions — YEAH!!!! :::

The first inductee of the 2009 class — and 76th of all time — was Phenix City, Alabama’s own Charlie Capps — who capped off his burger slingin’ career with the HOF nod of infamy.

“After 48 years, I hung up my spatula,” he said.

INSPIRATIONAL!!!

Except all I’m inspired to be right now is fucking jealous as all getout!
I mean, ok sure — I don’t work at Krystal or anything but I have done my fair share over the years for the franchise (mostly when I was single and in my early 20s and running the streets all hours of the day and night and generally thinking I was badass and engaging in assorted variations or super ridiculousness but WHATEVER – I got my Krystal on!) … yet I’ve not been honored with so much as a half-price coupon!

Where’s the love, fuckers?!
Yes, you read that correctly.
Recognition rejection!!

Don’t make me bring my buns over to Burger King!

SOURCE

December 15, 2009 at 10:14 am

God is good ’till he gets your ass FIRED!


Newspaper Headline: Home Depot worker wears ‘under God’ button, then gets fired

Story (nutshell version): Guy wears ‘One nation under God’ button to work at Home Depot, gets verbal warnings to cut it out but nothing happens ’till he starts bringing his Bible to the biz — then things got all employment terminationey and now he’s whining that Home Depot is anti-God and anti-troops.

Editorial Comment: Seriously?
This shit again?
Not news.

Bottom Line: You tried to get away with something. It didn’t work. Get over it.

Like most businesses, Home Depot has a dress code policy states noncompany buttons, regardless of their message or content, are not allowed.
Don’t like it? Don’t work there.

Company spokesdude Craig Fishel said Home Depot has a “proud history” of supporting the military, and that it sanctions several of its own buttons for employees to wear, including one that reads: “United We Stand.”

United We Stand … yep, I think that’s generally regarded as a universally supportive sentiment. Uh huh.

But Trevor Keezer’s buttonation wasn’t really just about supporting the troops.
“You can’t have country without God,” he said
::: actualy, Trev – you can :::

“Every pin they showed me had no ‘God’ on it or anything.”
::: OH GOD! :::

“I was told [my button] had to come off, or I would be sent home. So they sent me home for six straight days without pay. And then today they terminated me,” he said.
“It never crossed my mind to take off the button because I’m standing for something that’s bigger than I am.
::: Hmmm, bigger than you are … maybe I use that copout so I can wear my ‘Republitards are child touchers’ baby tee to work … :::

“They kept telling me the severity of what you’re doing and I just let God be in control and went with His plan.”
::: Looks like God’s the new Donald Trump, biatch! :::

Keezer says he didn’t set out to make a religious statement [yes he did], but now that he has, he believes he’s done the right thing. [Of course he does – he has to! It makes the unemployment line more tolerable.]

Listen kid, you must just be really new to the whole world of work … so let me break it down for you:
Employers actually do have the right (and sometimes obligation) to tell your hourly ass exactly what you can and cannot wear — otherwise we’d be run amok with camel toe, Daisy Dukes and decolletage …
::: Passable on a Saturday night at One Eyed Jack’s but not so much for the 9-5 :::

… or worse! — Klan garb, religious ridiculousness or *ACK* Palin paraphernalia!

Trust me kid — nobody wants that shit!

SOURCE

October 26, 2009 at 2:43 pm 7 comments

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