Posts tagged ‘Wisconsin’

United States of IOU?

California better reckonize!

That bitch has been out there behaving like a first-rate famewhore on the red carpet – totally hogging the ‘We Suck at Solvency’ spotlight! But she better step to the side because hers isn’t the only game in town anymore!

Oh ho no!

A new study by the Pew Center found that double-digit budget gaps, rising unemployment, high foreclosure rates and built-in budget constraints have brought Arizona, Florida, Illinois, Michigan, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Rhode Island and Wisconsin to the precipice of joining Cali in the pageant of impovrished places pockmarking the American landscape.
::: Ten’s a crowd! :::

These states are fucked financially for basically one of three reasons:
1. They rely too heavily on one type of industry
::: diversity of DIE :::

2. They have a history of persistent budget shortfalls
::: finance FAIL :::

3. They face legal constraints that make it too hard to implement major changes, such as tax increases
::: judiciary JAM-UP :::

And it’s all a big ol’ bunch of SUCKS TO BE THEM until you realize that this mess is five slices of Serious Shit Pie  because these piss-poors combine to account for more than one-third of the entire, whole and complete nation’s population and economic output.


“Decisions these states make as they try to navigate the recession will play a role in how quickly the entire nation recovers,” one of the Pew peeps professed.

NO PRESSURE GUYS … but, uhh, could you get with the A program, so all of America doesn’t have to keep suffering?!?

Pretty please with a big ol’ stimulus check on top?


November 13, 2009 at 11:11 am 4 comments

FYI – this is what a credible threat looks like

We point and laugh now when Osama bin Laden emerges from his cave of wicked villainy just long enough to issue a murderous edict, test his Panzerfaust 3 or order some yummy Chinese takeout — but when some douchebag Cheesehead loser gets all threateny regarding my boyfriend well, THAT is some shit you just know we’re gonna check three thousand kinds of out!

Wisconsin’s own greasy Propecia posterboy – Steven Joseph Christopher – was taken into custody by the Secret Service in Mississippi yesterday and charged with threatening to assassinate The People’s Prince for what he claimed was “the country’s own good.”

steven-joseph-christopherAuthorities said numbnuts made the threats against O’Baby on January 11 and 15 on the Web site

“Yes, I have decided I will assassinate Barack Obama. It’s really nothing personal about the man,” dipshit said. “But I know it’s for the country’s own good that I do this.”
::: Can you say delusional-loser-with-significant-self-esteem-issues-and-a-raging-case-of the-‘I-am-somebody’s’???  I CAN!!! :::

An affidavit from Secret Service Special Agent Kelly Adcox quotes wannabe murderboy as saying he’s not making these dumbass threats because of racism or anything wicked or sinister like that — oh no — he’s no racist, so pay nooooo attention whatsoever to his totally unbigoty ‘Fuck You, Jew’ YouTube clipette.
::: Apparently prejudice is the ‘New Black’ … :::

No one seems to know for sure what the fuck this fucking idiot was doing in America’s Armpit at the time of his arrest, but online court records in Wisconsin — which is like so not Mississippi and stuff —  show someone with three first names and with the same birthdate as chowdahead was charged last February in Wisconsin with knowingly violating a domestic abuse restraining order.

After viewing his Youtube Psychoanalysis of You video – it’s pretty clear that Wisconsin paid the Southern Whorestate to take him in, give him shelter and a camcorder so that when his eventual arrest DID happen it would be with a Mississippi dateline.
::: Well played Wisconsin! Well played! :::

Dumbass also used his online postings to solicit funds for bus fare — which everyone knows is  THE preferred travel method of hitmen, assassins and general ne’er do wells worldwide — to Washington, D.C.

“And I’ll need a leak in the secret service to get a close up shot, somewhere close to the podium, since I’ve never fired a gun, so I need to an easy shot off. Wattdysay fellas? Any help?”

Poor Stevie – you just know he’s sitting in his padded cell, drooling uncontrollably while picking lint from his belly button and wondering where it all went wrong … just how – OH HOW GOD HOW – his foolproof plan could have gone so horribly awry.

January 17, 2009 at 3:18 pm 20 comments

Dumbass of the Day

Once upon a time, a dumbass Chevy dealer [is there any other kind?] staged a dumbass Monster Truckgasm [again … ] so he could show the dumbass faithful how to ‘CRUSH THE COMPETITION!!!’

And by ‘crush the competition’ we mean, of course, that he would implement an incentive plan for more responsible SUV ownership leveraging new hybrid and E85 technological functionalities alongside an aggressive buy-back program as part of a broader 5-year phaseout strategy.

Just kidding!

He was gonna fuck some shit UP, y’all!

James Severtson of Hilo, Hawaii’s Island Chevrolet had the bright idea of rolling a retardedly mountainous American-made machine over some silly ass Asian rice-burner, ‘cuz, you know – ‘that’ll show ’em’ … or something …
::: my my, how original :::

“We’d like to send the message that the best way to support your country is to buy an American vehicle today,” Severtson said.

So Brainiac arranged for a Chevrolet Suburban SUV …
::: Umm, would that be the Chevy Suburban made in Janesville, Wisconsin or the one made in Silao … MEXICO??? :::

… outfitted with massive tires costing $5,000 apiece
::: Well sure! Because in these hard economic times, what better way to illustrate the woes of the American automotive industry than to dump $20k on tires  … :::

… to annihilate the  Marysville, Ohio -YOUESSOFAYYYY-made Honda Accord
::: USA! USA! :::

‘Cept the dumbass plan didn’t exactly go according to … well, the dumbass plan!

On the first attempt, the Suburban blew a hydraulic hose and sprung a big ol’ leak … while the Honda remained intact and ready for more.
::: ruh roh :::

After several embarassing hours, the truck was repaired and the driver tried again — but this time he added a Hyundai Excel to the mix.
::: Whew! Becuase, unlike the Hyundai Santa Fe and Sonata, which are made in Alabama, the post-95 Excel (AKA the Accent) IS foreign made … so, like YAY, woohoo and coolification — they got one right! :::

In the end, the Suburban drove over the cars’ hoods and destroyed their windshields … while onlookers the dumbass faithful squealed with [what else?] dumbass delight.

… and the American auto industry was saved … or … not …

December 22, 2008 at 4:47 pm 3 comments

A beautiful day in the neighborhood?

A 38-year-old convicted sex offender —>
from Sheboygan, Wisconsin no longer needs to worry about Santa’s ‘little elves’ being able to find him this Christmas.

That’s because the Sheboygan Common Council’s Public Protection and Safety Committee voted unanimously to let …

::: wait for it :::

Pheuk Kue
live in a transitional living facility in the 900 block of Michigan Avenue, when he’s released from prison December 20.
::: woo hoo … the more the merrier, right?? :::

I bet he gets a gift-wrapped basket of Phuek Off from the neighbors …


December 11, 2008 at 9:38 pm 11 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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