Posts tagged ‘website’

Which is worse?


Trying to pick up a chick at the funeral for your lover/son’s mother or finding out the chick you tried to pick up is your daughter?

Ayep. That’s the proverbial rock and hard place Ryan O’Neil found Osowronghimself between at Farrah Fawcett’s recent funeral.

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me,” O’hellnohedidn’t disclosed to Vanity Fair.

“I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’
She replied, ‘Daddy, it’s me – Tatum!’
::: so that’s how it is in their family … :::

“I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter.
It’s so sick.”

Well, RyRy … the first part is admitting you have a problem …

SOURCE

August 4, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Minding their ‘business’


“There are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You’ve signed an agreement: You’re going to be together. And you look at it that way as you work through the tough times, because I guarantee the better time is there on the other side. That’s how we’ve looked at it.”

Sarah Palin in a March 2009 interview with Esquire magazine

***********************************************

6a00d834515edc69e200e5539683a58834-800wiAnd business is business, right?

AlaskaReport.com is, well, reporting that Sarah and Todd Palin are gonna quit the love after more than two decades of breeding, being stupid Republican and generally blaming everyone else for the asshatted idiocy that has become their lives.
::: WAH-silla :::

According to *SHOCK* “unnamed sources,” a National Enquirer story alleging extramarital fuckery on both sides led to the total fuckification of Palin pairing and the sheer stress and all-out anxiety from all those alleged no-no sexy times is what really led to Palin’s resignation as governor of Alaska … allegedly.

Now, I don’t know about Todd but I’m gonna guess he was giving the peen to some Fairbanks fishmongrette with a gift for skinning salmon and a love for all things Nushagak.
And Sarah? Well, you remember the story. Sure you do! The one where she’s gettin’ her O-face on with Todd’s bestest buddy – snowmobile salesman Brad Hanson?
Yep – that one. And, since the Enquirer was right about that whole John Edwards mess, they’ve got street cred now so everything they write is true and shit. Umm hmm.

AnyPalinsucksanywaysowhothefuckcares, “sources” are also blabbing that Sarah stopped wearing her wedding ring weeks ago AND that she recently bought land in Montana. Well that’s just as good as confirmation, isn’t it?

Get ready to flee Montanas! Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig and grandbehbeh Tripp [but not the Toddster] may be headed your way!

SOURCE
SOURCE

August 2, 2009 at 1:12 pm 3 comments

What the funk?!


Thirty-four Fort Worthians had their buns hauled to area hospitals yesterday after what was originally thought to be a poisonous gas leak at a downtown Bank of America building turned out to be someone’s funk ass perfume.

“Two employees reported some dizziness in close association with someone spraying on some perfume,” a fire department official said.
He said that when the two reported being dizzy to a supervisor, “an announcement was made over the building’s PA system saying that anyone feeling these symptoms should exit the building to an outside location.”

And, shock of shocks! Total fucking PANIC ensued.

Fire Department officials referred to the episode as an example of collective “psychosomatic behavior.”

Medical experts often refer to such episodes as “contagious fear.”

The Cookie believes the episode was actually the result of “the testing of Amy Winehouse’s new fragrance.”

SOURCE

July 31, 2009 at 12:28 pm 1 comment

There’s a bat in that belfry


I didn’t even have to read the story.

I knew Jim Bartek was a raging kookleberry before the third paragraph.
Actually, I knew it as soon as I read the [most ridiculously long] headline:
Jim ‘Nostradamus’ Bartek of Maple Heights has listened to a Judas Priest album 391 straight days

Yup. Coudda Shoudda stopped right there!
Live and learn, right?

See, the kookles took hold of Jim’s soul last June when English heavy metal pioneer Judas Priest released its gomillionumpteenth album “Nostradamus.”  They dedicated the album to the 16th-century seer who is credited with prophesying cataclysmic events, but the screaching, scratching voices in Jim’s head were all eatitLiveItBREATHEIT!!!!!!

Frealz?
There should be a law requiring dictionaries to include a high-resolution image of Jim’s bonkerwonkey eyes right there next to the word ‘cataclysmic’ because listening to the same shit on a year-long loop is about as batshit crazy as a bitch can get!

I mean, hellooooo??? There is a reason repetitive music and sound are time-honored torture techniques.

“Heavy metallers are a little out there,” explains Ohio heavy metal DJ Bill Peters. “But listening to the same album every day? Even crazier, a double album?”

Craaaazeeeeeee!

But then I knew that just by reading the headline as well …

SOURCE & PHOTO

July 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm

What HE said …


An unruly little urchin with a smart mouth he’s not afraid to use – Dalten Duncan is my kind of kid, yo!

If I didn’t know better I’d swear I popped out this punk myself. He could be me!!
::: if i had a peen … and was still in junior high … and lived on the other side of the country … :::

Frealz — what else could you say when someone says you need to push it in further?!?
Ed. Note: Dumb bitch teacher needs detention for not knowing the difference between ‘further’ and ‘farther’.

A moment of reverential silence now for a super-sassy slice of awesomely acerbic adolescence.

push-it-in
SOURCE

July 9, 2009 at 12:47 pm

R.I.P Steve McNair


art.steve.mcnair.giSteve McNair and his girlfriend reportedly shot to death inside her Nashville apartment.

What.
The.
FUUUUUCK?!?!?!?!?

ACK! 

McNair, 36, spent 13 seasons in the NFL, the majority with the Tennessee Titans, before announcing his retirement in April 2008. He spent his last two seasons with Baltimore Ravens and he was the NFL’s co-MVP in 2003.

What in the fuckety FUCK is going on people?!?
Seriously — this is the last motherfucking R.I.P post I want to do for, like, EVER, ok?
Shit.

SOURCE

July 4, 2009 at 10:13 pm

AWESOMENESS!!!!


Beat it Burger King!
Suckit Spirit Airlines!!

THIS Flash funny is the most awesomely fantastic fucking ad ever to be nestled gently inside a javascript protocol!!!
::: frealz :::

Click here (and do what the man says …) for some HAHAHA – hell yeah!

SOURCE

June 27, 2009 at 6:59 pm 11 comments

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