Posts tagged ‘Viagra’

Grave mistake


What in funkified fucky-times hell is going on in South Carolina!?

If it’s not their hornytoad hypocrit of a governor out there gettin’ his ‘hike’ on, it’s idiot employees in their attorney general’s office out there gettin’ their creepily, kinked up copulation on!

Meet Roland Corning. —–>
Corning likes to spend quiet evenings in South Cackalackee cemeteries with 18-year-old strippers, a shitload of sex toys, some Viagra for good measure and a whole lotta ‘It’s OK, officer. See my official AG’s office badge!? You can go now.’ when the popo come poking around his perverse little playground.
::: Bow Chicka Bow EWWWWW!!! :::

But frealz – looking at Corning, I totally get why he goes for God’s acre as his pickup joint of choice. The competition is DEAD, yo!

Oh, but we I shouldn’t judge.
HAHAHAHAHA – that’s a joke.
Of COURSE I should!

But no.
I mean, after all – it’s not just his playground.

Palmetto Staters firmly flathand the ‘go for sex’ switch straight away – as long as they can get their ass grabbery on in a graveyard, that is!
::: Statewide Romance FAIL :::

And, lest you think otherwise – Corning wasn’t there just to fornicate around the flat and the festering.
Noooo. That was just his hoped-for outcum.

See, according to the police report, that sick slut says he always carries Viagra and sex toys, you know, “just in case.”

Because, well, shyeaaahh!
WHO DOESN’T, right?
::: uhhhh, most everyone?!? :::

Oh but this is too delish!
And South Carolina better watch out!
If it’s not careful it may just overtake Florida and Alabama as the kookiliciously cretinified capitals of America!
(Don’t feel left out Texas! Your crazyass cheerleaders earned you a permanent honorable mention in that category ages ago!)

SOURCE

November 3, 2009 at 10:59 am 4 comments

Straight. Up. TRIPPIN’!


GIVE THANKS BREADLINERS!

You may have lost your job, house, savings, mind, self-esteem and overall reason to live in this New Great Depression, but a smallish ray of sort of goodness has pierced the barren landscape of your crappy life!

Your kids aren’t sniffing as much of the shit you keep in the cabinet under the sink!
::: See? It’s not ALL bad! :::

Some pencil pushers at the Office of National Drug Control Policy researchified what little Johnny and his friends do when you’re not looking and GOOD NEWS!
Fewer teens are sniffing glue, lighter fluid, spray paint, shoe polish and other easy-to-find substances“.
::: One less thing, right?!? :::

About a million kids aged 12 to 17 used some kind of inhalant in 2007.
Only a mil? That’s GREAT! It’s only 3.9 percent of the adolescents who could have been rifling through your Raid collection!

And if you compare that totally marvy 3.9 to the monstrously gargantuan four point four percent doing sniffy snax in 2006 – well, it’s just nineteen kinds of semi-conclusive that we could be on the cusp of potentially maybe winning the war on drugs Krylon and Kingsford!!!
::: I’ll drink to that! :::

Some folks attribute the slumping huffy puffies to “ongoing efforts to educate teens about the dangers of inhalant use and encourage parents to discuss the issue with their children” – which sounds good when you’re trying to secure ongoing funding and all, but – if we’re being honest?
They’ve just moved on.
::: bummer, dude :::

According to the study, the oh-so readily-available inhalants you bring home from Target and keep within arm’s reach came in a dismal third (17.2%) as the go-to get-high move for kids dipping a toe in the warm waters of altered consciousness for the first time.

On the other hand, the Viagra, blood pressure and other prescription meds mommy and daddy don’t lock up had a more respectable second-place showing (23.5%).

But the perennial favorite, the Cadillac of herbal remedies, the crap your kids will reach for first whenever it’s time to get the party started was, is and forever will be (56.3%) — the stash of marijuana you didn’t think they knew you kept in the back corner of your sock drawer.

… So that’s where it went! Goddamned Little Lebowski Urban Achievers …

March 17, 2009 at 12:07 pm 1 comment



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