Posts tagged ‘TV’

Nick @ Nite is gettin’ naughty, y’all!

The nighttime programming arm of the Nickelodeon network airs a show called ‘Glenn Martin DDS’ every Thursday night at 8.

The show is a claymation-style cartoon thingie all about the wacky, madcap adventures of the traveling dentist and his family as they embark on a cross-country road trip to protest the demolition of Glenn’s favorite childhood park.

And by ‘wacky, madcap adventures’ I mean strippers, sex, gambling and violence, of course!

Shockingly, a national parents’ group has a problem with this.

“They’ve had references to pornography, there’s an ongoing story line about the family dog, which has an extraordinarily large anus,” says Melissa Henson of the Parents Television Council. She’s also the mother of 18-month old Josiah.

“If this is acceptable now,” she says, “when my son is 7, 8, 9 years old, what kind of content are we going to be seeing on programs he may be asking to watch?”

My guess? The same ones daddy already watches on the computer when you’re not around.


But seriously folks, early exposure to naughtiness is delicate business so never forget that YOU are the parent. If you don’t want your precious little snowflakes to watch it – either change the channel or (better yet!) shut the damned thing off and give ’em a book to read!

Oh, and don’t tuck your mags, bags and battery-operated sexy-time buddies in the sock drawer. Little precious has prying eyes. Stop your spawn from snooping by locking that shit up, ‘kay? ūüėČ


March 12, 2010 at 11:06 am

J-School for TV 101


February 2, 2010 at 11:04 am 10 comments

Idiots on the air

Editorial comment: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

No, but seriously Рthese two jackbags [nods to greeneyedgirl] prove the point: There is nothing more dangerous than an uninformed electorate.
(buying a book doesn’t mean you can read it, scooter …)

November 20, 2009 at 9:39 am

R.I.P Billy Mays

What in Oxyclean hell is going on here, people?!?!?

TV screamer Billy Mays was found ‘unresponsive’ by his wife at their Tampa, Florida home yesterday morning and pronounced dead a short time later.
::: :(! :::

Billy’d been on a plane the day before that had a bad landing, which he recapped in his Twitter report:
“Just had a close call landing in Tampa. The tires blew out upon landing. Stuck in the plane on the runway. You can always count on US Air.”

In an interview after the landing, Billy said he’d taken a pretty hard hit to the head … hmmmmmm
::: uhh, Natasha Richardson??? :::

This is getting weird now, guys … do we start the count over now?

Whaaaat?!? You were thinking it!


June 29, 2009 at 10:50 am 1 comment


I think I came three times …
… I also don’t think I’m allowed in the Circuit City on Okeechobee anymore – but they’re all going out of business soon, so who cares!!!
::: sorry your losing your jobs in this New Great Depression and all but¬†big ups for letting this slut catch O’Baby’s speech on¬†your wall of 1080i goodness!! :::

It was¬†great! Just what I expected from the hot manwichness of O’Beautiful,¬† Jon Favreau,¬†et al.
I mean, fortheloveofmoneygodvodka and all that is holy – I didn’t think it was possible to give that big¬†a ‘fuck you’ to someone without actually saying the words!
::: … then again, that might just be because I only know six words :::

I caught the first one way early on!
“Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms .”
::: … a polite one, but a ‘fuck you’ nonetheless :::

“At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.”
::: … as opposed to Dumbya and his 8-year love affair with challenging our primary founding document … so, fuck you #2! :::

“That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood.”
::: fuck you :::
”¬†Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.”
::: a ‘shared’ fuck you¬†… :::
Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.”
::: Fuuuuck You! :::

“These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. “
::: Oooo — a researchified and intellectualacious fuck you! SPIFFY!!¬†:::

“On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.”
::: Fuck you and the Republitard good ol’ boy network that got you here …¬†:::

“[Our forebears] saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.”
::: An ‘establishment’ fuck you — sweet! :::

“For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act – not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.”
::: A bit hidden, but there it is — a¬†lipsmackin’ DELICIOUS layer of yummy ‘scientifical fuck you’ sandwiched between the action and education fuck yous … CRAFTY!!! :::

“What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them – that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply.”
::: HAHAHA — now that’s just a brass balls BLATANT fuck you! GET THAT SWAGGER ON, HOT STUFF! :::

“The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works – whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. “
::: Brass balls blatant fuck you² !! :::

“And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account – to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day – because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.”
::: ‘Cuz he knew we’d be gettin’ a little hungry —¬†a tasty slice of fuck you straight from the no-oversight¬† TARP bailout pie! :::

“Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control – and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.”
::: And, with that, the Brass Balls Blatant Fuck You TRIFECTA is in play! :::

“As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake.”
::: 911 911 911 fear fear fear war war war Fuuuuck YOU! :::

“Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please.”
:::¬†How about a little¬†”diplomacy’ finesse with a some ‘torture IS illegal’ on the side to go with your fuck you?!? :::

Suck it naysayers — he brought it, he bought it — he owns it.

And Dumbya?
Well, I got my guffaw on when –¬†in the absolute LAST possible moment of his entire presidency – it was his own¬†lousy appointee, John Roberts, who misquoted the presidential oath of office.

How symbolic.


PHOTOS: Reuters, AP

January 20, 2009 at 9:08 pm 16 comments

Orlando’s Boob Tuber Just That

The Orlando Sentinel’s “TV Guy” has decided to do an open-Internet casting call query over who should play the title role of the real-life Casey Anthony drama.

My first reaction to this stunt was a pretty powerful gag reflex type deal. But, in truth,¬†I shouldn’t be surprised it’s come to this.

Newspapers are dying, which means they’re full of desperate people clutching the last fragments of a fading career as they sink to all-new lows to generate views.

And so Hal Boedecker, the TV Guy wants to know who you, Joe Reader, would cast as queen of the lying liars Casey Anthony.

Ok, fine, I’ve got some time on my hands this morning. What the hell …

I agree with posters Faye, Cindy and Casey is a Whorse that Hal’s a douchebag hack riding the coattails of tragedy and making a mockery of a probable murder for his own gain, but I would be remiss if I didn’t congratulate posters Ashley, Bill and any others who correctly cast Alyssa Milano as horror mom Casey Anthony.

So, there you go. Zip. Zap. Bam.
Can we be done with this horseshit now?

October 17, 2008 at 3:09 pm 1 comment

Disney daze gone bye

Disney cash cowette Mylie Cyrus and her pimp daddy Billy Ray are all kinds of fed up with the Mouse House and want to move on to greener pastures, like, NOW. ‘spies’ on the Hannah Montannah set report that “Miley has bragged that she will get fired, making it clear she wants to focus on singing and not the show”
::: she’s just being Mylie :::

”¬†… Billy Ray has also made it clear that there is more money in singing than a Disney cable show.”
:::¬†Someone read Joe Simpson’s ‘Idiot’s Guide To Whoring Out Your Offspring’ :::

The creepy father-daughter duo has reportedly been showing up to the set ridiculously late, stalling production and infuriating cast and crew.
::: Family Values of the Hick and Famous :::

Cast member Emily Osment (younger sister to underage alky Haley Joel) used to be totally tight with Fakey Breakey’s spawn — but now, with all this drama,¬†she totally wants Billy’s brat off her bff roster.
:::¬†Can’t we all just get along? :::

TMZ says Emily is so bitter she literally turns away from Miley after each scene.
::: HARSH! :::

Folks, this is headed straight¬†for the land of Not Good¬†— where¬†kiddie stars with overblown egos become washed-up haggard skanks who can’t remember their lines, their purpose or their place but can suck down a bottle of Baileys¬†in a single gulp and get all ‘dohn schew knohoo aiyam???’ when some poor gatekeeper brings the hell naw as they try to jump the velvet rope.

Overt greed and inappreciation usually leaves a fanbase cold and I’m sure Disney doesn’t want to see their product reduced to just another overdose-in-training.
::: well, not unless there’s a People cover and some serious cross-promotion involved … :::

So, before wily Mylie’s¬†moneygrubbery makes all that tween cash go *poof*,¬†I think Disney should totally¬†tear up the Cyrus¬†contract¬† – but only¬†after they sever ties appropriately by giving her character an astoundingly painful and sizzlingly scabrous STD and killing her off in an end-of-season live episode.

Now that’s quality programming for the whole family!

September 22, 2008 at 5:14 pm 5 comments

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