Posts tagged ‘truck’

News you can use


Dear Cookie Monsters:

I care about you.
You are important to me.

And because I know the weekend is at hand and very shortly you will no longer be able to resist the urge to mentally just check-the-fuck-out for the next 48 – I want you to take a moment, draw in a cleansing breath and prepare your brain to absorb some truly crucial knowledge.

No matter how much of a rush you may be in …
No matter what your friend RayRay says …
No matter if you make it all the way to the legendary Triple-Double Dog Dare …

Do NOT, under any circumstances, try to load the boat ON the pickup.

Trust me. This shit does NOT work and it will absolutely fuck up your weekend.

Being a good drunk means being a prepared one.
‘Kay pumpkins?

Now go play.

XOXO
Cookie

truckboat2

March 20, 2009 at 3:55 pm 7 comments

Shia LeBeouf wouldn’t make it in Iran


So it was all party party party this weekend … ‘cept for Iran where a bunch of henchmen got together to hang about 30 people convicted of crimes including:

  • Murder (Ok yeah, that’s a bad thing)
  • Murder in commission of a crime (umm hmm yeah — ‘nuther bad one)
  • Being involved in illegal relationships — relationships between men and women who are not married to each other (sexy time in Iran = married time … got it!)
  • Being a public nuisance while drunk (wait. what?)
  • My first thought when reading that list was ‘Damn, I’m glad I don’t live in Iran!’.

    My next thought was ‘Damn, I kinda wish Madonna lived in Iran.’

    Then I thought ‘I bet Shia LaBeouf is glad he doesn’t live in Iran!’

    Hollywood’s favorite Shia-pet was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday about 3 a.m. when he rolled his truck after smacking it into another car. LeBooBoo bunged up his head, hand and knee.

    “It was immediately apparent to officers responding on the scene that LaBeouf was intoxicated and he was subsequently placed under arrest,” one officer said.

    This would seem like some sort of watered-down kiddie version of ‘strike 3’ – except there were other people involved … and injured.

    Just by way of recap:
    LeBonehead was ticketed early last year for ‘unlawful smoking’ (1) and then busted again in November (2) for being a colossal dumbass drunk in a Chicago Walgreens – which he blamed on being a slave to the bakky. And now this one (3).

    Hey Shithead — rehab is the new black.
    Think about it — before #4 leaves someone dead.

    ‘kay Boo Boo???

    July 28, 2008 at 1:03 pm 5 comments

    This is nuts!


    Man with bulls balls hanging from his truckDang it all to hell and back!
    They’s up thar in Tallahassee tryin’ to pass laws sayin’ we cain’t have no truck balls no more. What IS this world comin’ tew, I ask yew?!?

    Yesstiddy, a buncha senators got together and made it a law sayin’ people with trailer hitches that look like the dangling southern end of a northbound bull are gonna hafta pay a big ol’ $60 fine.

    Seextee dollerz! That thar is a lot of munee!! People are gonna hafta be choosin’ between their beer and their balls! Yew talk about yer rock and yer hard place? Thass it, right thar!

    Next thang ya know, they’re gonna tell us we cain’t pimp our rides with mudflap girls or the Confederate flag or nuthin’ no more — cuz their ‘offensive’ or some bullcrap like ‘at.

    I bet yew this whole mess got started by some panty waste liberal commie pinko or maybe one o’ them soccer moms you always hear ’bout bitchin’ about this thang or that thang her ‘preshuss kid’ wuz exposed to or some kinda crap like ‘at.

    Mobile home trailer, double wide trailer trailer parkIt jess takes one pansy ass like ‘at to go an’ ruin it fer the rest of us!

    I mean, this is really some serious shit, y’all!

    Sheeeyuht!
    I know a buncha folks who’re gonna hafta sell the trailer over all the fines they’s gonna git. An’ all jess cuz somebuddy didd’n think havin’ someone’s balls in their face wuz PC.

    Wut-EVER!

     

     

    April 18, 2008 at 4:05 pm 15 comments


    This is the shit you bitches are reading


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