Posts tagged ‘torture’

There’s a bat in that belfry


I didn’t even have to read the story.

I knew Jim Bartek was a raging kookleberry before the third paragraph.
Actually, I knew it as soon as I read the [most ridiculously long] headline:
Jim ‘Nostradamus’ Bartek of Maple Heights has listened to a Judas Priest album 391 straight days

Yup. Coudda Shoudda stopped right there!
Live and learn, right?

See, the kookles took hold of Jim’s soul last June when English heavy metal pioneer Judas Priest released its gomillionumpteenth album “Nostradamus.”  They dedicated the album to the 16th-century seer who is credited with prophesying cataclysmic events, but the screaching, scratching voices in Jim’s head were all eatitLiveItBREATHEIT!!!!!!

Frealz?
There should be a law requiring dictionaries to include a high-resolution image of Jim’s bonkerwonkey eyes right there next to the word ‘cataclysmic’ because listening to the same shit on a year-long loop is about as batshit crazy as a bitch can get!

I mean, hellooooo??? There is a reason repetitive music and sound are time-honored torture techniques.

“Heavy metallers are a little out there,” explains Ohio heavy metal DJ Bill Peters. “But listening to the same album every day? Even crazier, a double album?”

Craaaazeeeeeee!

But then I knew that just by reading the headline as well …

SOURCE & PHOTO

July 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm

In case you didn’t know …


This is what history rewriting itself looks like:

Cheney this week: “No Iraq – 9/11 link”

Cheney 2002 – 2003: So believed there was an Iraq-9/11 link that he (and Rumsfeld) authorized the use of torture to extract evidence of an Iraq-Al Qaeda link from detainees

Cheney 2003: “Could be Iraq – 9/11 link”

Cheney 2004: “Clear link between Iraq and Al Qaeda”

… ok … maybe it’s just what shameless evil looks like.

 

History would do well to erase this motherfucker from it’s memory altogether.
If only it could …

June 3, 2009 at 10:24 am

Shocking outcome (no, not really)


Old and Busted: Subjecting your kids to boring meetings and office gossip during ‘Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day’.

New Hotness: Subjecting your kids to near electrocution during ‘Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day’.

At least that’s how [former] Florida Department of Corrections Sgt. Walter Schmidt saw it when he assembled a group of children visiting their parents at Franklin Correctional Institution, whipped out a handheld stun device, went full retard and gave the wee ones 50,000 volts of ZZZZZZZTTT!

Sergeant Shitferbrainz thought it’d be ok, since he’d asked the parents for permission and all.
“When they said ‘sure,’ I went ahead and did it.”
::: Well … ‘cuz … SURE! :::

ouchkidThe little innocents reportedly yelped in pain, fell to the ground and grabbed red burn marks on their arms.
One was taken to a nearby hospital.

“It wasn’t intended to be malicious, but educational,” Schmidt said. “The big shock came when I got fired.”
::: pun intended??? :::

Oh yes — they canned his ass – amazing but true!
::: well, amazing for Florida … :::

Schmidt was fired for violating established DOC procedure and paving the way for some way cool kidding litigation — but let’s not overlook the ‘colossal dumbass’ factor, either.

1.) Simple math: Snowflake Assembly + Shake N’ Bake = Pink Slippage
2.) Knowing he couldn’t handle simple math … if he was going to full retard, he should have at least given momma’s little preshuss ones the full penal experience.

dropsoapI mean, why not a cavity search or a night in the tank with Big Louie?
Why not hand them a bar of soap and send them off to the showers or let them spend a couple of ‘educational’ moments blindfolded and strapped into Old Sparky?

Hmm? HMMMMM????

Because surely any parent who’d sign off on having their kid’s neural and muscular systems temporarily DIS-FUCKING-ABLED!!!!! would energetically endorse the MEGA-Misery Prison Package!

SOURCE

May 19, 2009 at 1:46 pm 4 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: