Posts tagged ‘thougths’

Oh for the love of …


I bear witness to the truest devotion ever to exist in the history of all histories in humanity.
::: outside of my complete commitment to all things Auburn, that is :::

I speak of a love that knows no bounds.
I speak of a love that burns brighter than the flames of a thousand suns!
I speak of a love more magnificant than Jim Eastabrook’s follicular masterpiece!!
I speak of a love unrivaled by even the craziest of crazy crazies!!!!

I speak of Dolly … or, rather, the unbridaled affection – nay – Adoration – NoOBSESSION my friend Kattrin has for the lady, the legend: Dolly Parton.

“Dolly is the guiding principle of my life,” Kattrin broadcast over the intercom system at our office before security could stop her. “If I even think Dolly would disapprove, I don’t do it.”

Do what?
Exactly.

And that’s why I Kattrin!

Because – unlike some people who shall go unnamed but who’s initials are Everyone Who Doesn’t Know The Auburn Fight Song By Heart – she understands the power of pure love, ultimate sacrifice and well, more importantly, what can happen when your midday meal is a mix of mostly meds and Mohitos.

“Dolly has tremendous drive and talent! She is extremely witty, which means she is super smart because you can’t be witty without being intelligent. YOU JUST CAN’T!” she enthusiastically explained over the cacophony of approaching sirens.

“She wears horrendous clothes – and she does it with pride!” she continued as Officer Lasalde gently guided her out of the building. “Did you know Dolly is the 4th of 12 children?” she probed.

He didn’t.
She recoiled in obvious disgust.

“So you didn’t know then that after she got famous, she took several of her younger siblings and raised them?! You didn’t know that? Seriously?!? Good GAWD! Uh, what about YOU??” she turned and asked of the ambulance crew.

They didn’t.
She raged.

“WHO FUCKING RAISED YOU PEOPLE?! ACK!!! My god – Dolly has the BEST stories about her childhood in Sevierville. Plus she strongly believes in her own faith – but you know why she is so wonderful? Huh? Do you? It’s because she doesn’t make me do the same AND she doesn’t judge me when we hang out. Because we totally hang out. Like, every day. All the tiiiiiime,” her voice trailed off as he IV went to work.

“You don’t understaaaaaand!” came a muffled cry as they drove away.

They didn’t.
But I do.

January 22, 2010 at 8:37 pm 2 comments

Much a hue about nothing


Periwinkle is PISSED, y’all!

The pigment police over at Pantone passed on ol’ Peri, turned up their noses to Teal, gave the color cold shoulder to Cerulean and unloaded a truckload of hell naw to Navy when choosing the ultimate shade of super significance for all the year 2010:

Turquoise.

And the competition wasn’t even close.

Leatrice Eiseman, executive director of the Pantone Color Institute, says there was no runner-up to turquoise in her mind because people are craving escapism and freshness after the butfuckingly tough year we’ve endured.
::: Flamingo Pink is pouting :::

“The shade is on the cusp of blue and green, which makes it both inviting and serene — characteristics associated with blues — and invigorating and luminous, which comes from green,” she explained.
::: Blue Green is all HELLLOOOOOO BITCHES?! :::

“Turquoise is universally appealing,” said Jane Schoenborn, design director at Lilly Pulitzer. “It puts everyone in the same state of mind — on vacation.”
::: Aquamarine is NOT amused :::

Pantone’s color for 2009 was Mimosa Yellow [don’t act like you didn’t know that] because it was going to be a time of economic uncertainty [HAHAHA – ya think?!] and political change [thank gawd!] — so a universal sense of optimism, enlightenment and imagination was going to be nothing short of super duper crucial and Pantone felt the Mimmzer was the best qualified color of the bunch to counteract this New Great Depression™.
::: Canary Yellow couldn’t have cared less but Lazer Lemon found the entire enterprise laughable :::

But all that’s behind us now that my boyfriend has audaciously hopified everyone to infinity!
Pantone predicts John Q Public is ready to plan a little vakay with his new bff Turquoise …
… until next year when he finds out that while he was on holiday his finances failed, his dog died and his job dried up … and we learn that only Neon Carrot or Vivid Tangerine can turn that mess around!

December 11, 2009 at 1:17 pm 1 comment

The view from the cheap(est) seats


stadiumseatFeeling twelve kinds of spectacularly woozified in my Section 426, Row 15, Seat 13 spot at last night’s Florida Panthers – Pittsburgh Penguins game, the thought crossed my mind that, perhaps, I’ve been too extreme in my New Great Depression practice of partaking in sporting events on the cheap … until I saw the picture of possibly the world’s most skinflinterrific superachiever ever making his way to the top of the upper deck in left field during an exhibition game at the new Yankee Stadium over the weekend.

yankseats

I mean, I feel like a penny-pinching poseur next to his pauperiffic perfection!

Check out the steely-eyed stare he maintains – even as his oxygen-deprived brain struggles to navigate the unforgiving concrete steps stretching up, Up, UP to the ether!

This bitch isn’t fucking around!
He knows what he wants and he’s going for it!

You just KNOW he reuses popsicle sticks as bookmarks, clips coupons for shit he doesn’t even buy and recycles used stamps!!
He’s a pro!!!

Dude is workin’ that knitted cap and GORE-TEX® like there’s no tomorrow! He is going to eat those frozen hot dogs and he is going to enjoy watching the ants scurry around the field below … just as soon as he summits Mt. Ballpark.

… I’m not worthy …

PHOTO: Julie Jacobson / AP

April 6, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Movie makers get their miser on


Old and Busted: Ginormous payouts plus part of the profits paid to barely-even pedestrian performers.

New Hotness: Puttin’ those bitches on a budget!

budgetdivaIt’s true!

Oh sure, you may think life is all darkness and ominosity out there in this New Great Depression, but take heart you homeless hobos! There IS a silver lining!

Your impovrished ass is about to get company!
::: YAY!!! Misery LOVES company! :::

NGD Math Lesson:
Your broke-assness + global economic meltdown = movie bidness bottom lines are moving toward  disgusting diva demands.

Yessiree! After years of empty promises to cut the sweetheart deals with the pompous and the bitchy (AKA – mid-level movie stars), the studios are finally able to stick it to ’em!
Why?
Hellooooooo?!?!? Haven’t you been listening?

The ‘crisis’, you silly!

They’re slashing star salaries and pulling perks like private jets, too.
::: I’m guessing they’re not pickin’ up the rehab tab anymore, either? :::

“They’ve wanted to go in this direction for a long time and the global financial crisis has given them the lever to do it,” a veteran talent representative told The Daily Beast.

Another rep broke it down a little better. “The studios are going out to actors who have been $10 million players and saying, `Here’s $5 million.’ Here’s two and a half.”
::: SLAVE WAGES!!! :::

And if LindsayTaraWhatsHerFace balks? No biggie!
The studios will simply pick another thespian from the pile.
::: Bitches on backup – smoooooth! :::

“They’re not fucking around,”
Mr. Nonamebecauseweareprobablytalkingaboutmyclient
said. “They know exactly who that next person is.”

Which may explain why Marvel Studios offered Scarlett Johansson and the twins a paltry $250,000 for Iron Man 2.

“We don’t like to be portrayed as being disrespectful to talent, notwithstanding the fact that we are very budget-conscious and can’t always meet an actor’s initial asking price,” Marvel COO Tim Connors said.
“We say, `We wouldn’t normally ask an actor at this level to do this but we’d be thrilled to have them.”

Now, it’s all good because ScarJo and her magnificantly talented chi chi balls were able to negotiate their way up to a semi-sort of respectable $400,000 for the film – so we feel confident she’ll be able to feed and clothe herself for at least another week or two … but something tells me SAG may want to get crackin’ on an emergency out of work actress retraining program because Kirsten Dunst is gonna need some way to pay for those sniffy snax and god knows the fossil financing CZJ isn’t gonna live forever!

Let’s go guys — CHOP CHOP!

SOURCE

April 3, 2009 at 2:38 pm 6 comments

Daily Caylee


New bones and what looks like a child’s story book were discovered yesterday on a wooded lot where Orange County investigators found a skull and other skeletal remains a week ago, the sheriff’s office said.

Also: First tips about site came in August
“We are currently following up on information regarding this particular location which we received three tips back in August,” Sheriff’s Captain Angelo Nieves said. “We are attempting to be as thorough, as clear and as concise as possible with the information that we received.”

What do YOU think?

December 19, 2008 at 10:49 am 1 comment

Daily Caylee


UPDATE: Judge denies defense motions during emergency hearing.
The judge said he would not allow the motions proposed by CaseyAnthony’s attorney Jose Baez because they would hinder the sheriff’s office investigation.
I can’t assist you with interfering in a murder investigation,” Orange Circuit Court Judge Stan Strickland told the defense team.

Earlier today: An emergency hearing is taking place this afternoon to discuss several defense requests in the case against Casey Anthony.

There likely won’t be much ‘news’ while investigators sift through the area where human remains were found last week … so today’s Daily Caylee is simply a YouTube offering that’s definitely somewhat long-ish but includes some photos I hadn’t seen before … thought perhaps you hadn’t either.

Related: Meter reader who discovered bones not eligible for reward

December 16, 2008 at 11:32 am 1 comment

Thank you, Fantasy Football


Dear Fantasy Football,

Thank you.

Even though I head into Monday Night Football a sad two points behind my Week 1 opponent, I am grateful for you.

I am grateful because you kept me preoccupied with a temporary tight end test and quarterback gamble which made it possible for me to get through the weekend blithely unaware that the yearly homage to bad music, multimedia and marketing was taking place on the other side of the country.

I am grateful for Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Brandon Jacobs and even the sometimes questionable Baltimore defense. Watching these (and other) gods of the gridiron prevented my ears and eyes from the verbal and visual assault that is UK comedian Russell Brand (although the grapevine tells me he gave a shoutout to my boyfriend, so he gets a nod for that).

I am grateful that scoring, reception, interceptions, extra kicks and solo tackles mean I am one of the lucky few who didn’t feel obligated to watch Britney Spears put down her cigarettes and Cheetos long enough to accept a bullshit award or two.

You keep me straight. And so I am grateful to you – Fantasy Football – for keeping me focused on what really matters: Trying to deliver the most mindblowingly debilitating ass-kicking my team can possibly muster each week from Thursdays to Mondays.

Smooches!
— XXOO __
The Cookie

September 8, 2008 at 1:15 pm 1 comment


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