Posts tagged ‘the smoking gun’

Dumbass of the Day


Meet David Mlynick –>

David Mlynick is a doer.

Unfortunately, David Mlynick is not a thinker.

See, David Mlynick wanted to do some personal product misplacement so he and a friend trotted down to the nearest Publix to get themselves a five-finger discount on some tasty TAG body spray.

With clever names like Stay Up, Step Out and Get Yours — who doesn’t want to get TAGged? Because you know the only thing standing in the way of David Mlynick and some fine-ass poontang is a shot of that sweet spray, right? Oh yeah …

Alas, David Mlynick’s plan took a turn toward stupid after the bumbling burglars got caught with their booty.

According to a Broward County Sheriff’s Office report, some hawk-eyed Publix employees spotted Stinky McStinkerson and his sidekick swiping the spray and went all ‘Hey dudes — put that back!’
Sidekick dude was all ‘damn, ya got me – ok’ and put the product back like the shitty little wannabe criminal he is.

But not David Mlynick.

Desperado was all ‘hell to the no with that action’, fled the scene and dashed over to the Dollar Store where he thought safety was a sure bet since it would be completely crowded as it’s the only store people can afford to shop in anymore.

But the only deal David Mlynick would find at the Dollar Store would be a bad one after running smack into Publix manager Vincent Harris, who was waiting for the clumsy klepto with a big ol’ cup of ‘TAG — you’re it, scumwad!’
::: Dirty Harris missed his calling :::

Mlynick “responded by becoming belligerent” and pulled out his piece … THE weapon of choice for 12-year-olds, range rejects and crappy criminals everywhere … a BB gun.
::: HARD CORE, yo! :::

And faster than you can say ‘Prison Bitch’ – in moved the boys in blue, on went the big silver bracelets and David Mlynick was arrested for ‘robbery with a weapon’.

The criminal mastermind was booked into the Broward County jail, where we’re pretty sure he’s making LOTS of new best friends with his hot little sweet-smelling self!

‘nite ‘nite boyfriend!

PHOTO

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October 22, 2008 at 2:46 pm 3 comments


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