Posts tagged ‘Tennessee’

WAR EAGLE!


aubtennIn our (IMHO) first REAL test this season, my beloved Auburn Tigers defeated the Tennessee Volunteers 26-22 (the Vols did execute a sweet last-second touchdown – otherwise that bitch would’ve been 26-16).

Now, I’m not saying I’ve changed my original opinion about Gene Chizik but, I’m warming to the idea of him a little more …

… even if he does look like a gigantic retarded crane trying to take flight …

Game Recap

October 4, 2009 at 4:19 pm 5 comments

Got $2,999,990?


Then you could own Steve McNair’s Tennessee house … furnished?

mcnairden

Creepy

SOURCE

July 14, 2009 at 8:38 pm

R.I.P Steve McNair


art.steve.mcnair.giSteve McNair and his girlfriend reportedly shot to death inside her Nashville apartment.

What.
The.
FUUUUUCK?!?!?!?!?

ACK! 

McNair, 36, spent 13 seasons in the NFL, the majority with the Tennessee Titans, before announcing his retirement in April 2008. He spent his last two seasons with Baltimore Ravens and he was the NFL’s co-MVP in 2003.

What in the fuckety FUCK is going on people?!?
Seriously — this is the last motherfucking R.I.P post I want to do for, like, EVER, ok?
Shit.

SOURCE

July 4, 2009 at 10:13 pm

The devil’s in the details


fox61
Looking at this picture briefly made me wish I lived in Tennessee because I thought it would be hee-heeriffic to be a part of the obviously budget-conscious, cheapass crazy antics of the FOX 61 News at Ten team.

I mean, check out the fierce ‘Bitch, please!’ expressions those harsh whores are workin’!
Sundays must be Slap-A-Ho night at the newsplex!

And those Jaclyn Smith Collection blazers and granny pearls?
HAHAHA!!
Who do they think they’re fooling with that shit? Those skanks are totally rockin’ the Cherokee shorts and sitting on plastic lawn chairs behind that ultra-hein Office Depot remnant cherry laminate ‘set’!

Blink and you might have missed the dude scratchin’ his crack in the back.
I bet it was John Charlton — that guy looks like a butt-picker from birth!

And what about the South Park Towelie and Klan hood?
That’s gonna ma …. Wait. The What?

South Park Towelie and Klan hood!?!

weirdstuffMmmm HMMMMM

I mean, ok ok — I admit it – at first I was all ‘TOWLIE!!!’ because, well, I’m three and that shit is funny to me!

But then the ewwww took over and I was all  “WHATTAHFUCK?!?” when I saw that creepy mess under the desk.

Seriously — I have questions!

Who thought this would be funny for ‘on-air’?
What kind of coked-up crackie logic led to this fuckery??
Was anyone fired??
Was there audience outrage???
Why have the networks not chronicled this yuck with some meritoriously righteous indignation?!?
Why hasn’t a blue-ribbon panel been commissioned to investigate this ick?
What in hate group hell is going on in Tennessee, people?!?

Enquiring mind wants to know!

April 14, 2009 at 3:53 pm 5 comments

I bet THIS wasn’t on his Bucket List!


The dumb skank who admits she knowingly got into a car with a possibly drunk Morgan Freeman last August is now suing that hot piece for negligence, saying she wants to ‘clear her name from claims she was his mistress’.
::: And bank some sweet coin, of course! :::

Demaris ‘Do My Eyes Make Me Look Like A Crazy Gold-Digging Whore’ Meyer held an L.A. news conference where she whined about being labeled the ‘other woman’, channeled her inner Blogojevich and vowed to fight, Fight, FIGHT until cleanliness and dignity are restored to her allegedly once-good name.
::: … uh huh, good luck with that … :::

“I had hoped and prayed that Mr. Freeman or his representatives would have set the record straight and cleared my name, but they have not done so and that is why I have chosen to come forward to tell the truth about our relationship,” she bellyached to a handfull of people who, if we’re being honest here, probably only showed up to see what a potential Freeman fuckbuddy looked like.
::: … now we know? :::

According to her four-page lawsuit, she hopes to squeeze the Oscar-winner for pastpresentandfuture medical expenses, short-term memory loss , pain and suffering, some kind of short-term memory loss, pastpresentandfuture lost wages, permanent disability for short-term memory loss and other damages. Oh, and some sort of loss of memory … or something … and, uhh, don’t forget that big fucking truckload of money, bitches!!
::: … because nothing screams ‘Innocent Choir Girl’ louder than a legal shakedown … :::

The whole almost-hookup apparently happened because a mutual friend invited her to a dinner party so she could fuck meet the actor. She went, they dined, they got their drink on, they left and went back to the mutual friend’s house, they got their drink on there, then Miss Daisy jumped in Hoke’s Nissan and were makin’ the dash to his pad when things got all crashy.
::: … just your typical first-date stuff … :::

According to her [bullshit] lawsuit, she was in Freeman’s car only because he kindly offered to let her spend fucky times the night at his home — seeing as how “it would be much closer for Ms. Meyer to travel to her place of employment the next morning from Mr. Freeman’s home” than from the home of their mutual friend.

Uh huh … ‘cept Freeman’s house is in Charleston, Mississippi (89.5 miles from Meyer’s Memphis abode) and the friend lives in Clarksdale, Mississippi (77.6 miles from Memphis) — which would make it, like, NOT closer and stuff?

Oh but hey, in her defense, anyone stupid enough to get  in a car with someone they admit [in writing — filed with the courts] had been drinking, really isn’t the kind of brainiac who can be reasonably expected to handle simple geography or exhibit any of her own accountability or, you know,  personal responsibility or anything … right?

Right?

Right?

SOURCE
LAWSUIT

February 26, 2009 at 4:34 pm 13 comments

Mariah Carey is an optimist


No, scratch that …
Mariah Carey is the most optimistic of all optimists ever to optimize optimism in any form. Ever.

How else can you explain that – despite actual laws being passed banning the bitch from movie theaters worldwide (unless she was holding a ticket) following the epically disastrous 2001 debut of Glitterhere she is — putting the fatal final touches on a new  movie?!?
::: oh no!  :::

Oh yes!

Just in time for the holidays comes Tennessee — a road-trip drama in which Carey plays (what else?) an aspiring singer!!!
::: that’s right girl — dig deep, challenge yourself – GROW! :::

Carey plays ‘Krystal’, a dumb whore who has high hopes to make it BIG in music – but is afraid she may have to settle for diddly squat because she is a dumb whore trapped in (what else?) a bad marriage.

This one’s gonna work!

And why not — It’s just soooo completely and totally different from Glitter – where she played (what else?) an aspiring singer who’s bullshit dreams are in danger of going *poof* because of (what else?)  the evil and controlling ways of a man!

Yup, totally  different!

“Woe is me?” What the hell is that?
exactly …

September 19, 2008 at 8:16 pm 1 comment

Food for thought


We’re Number One!!
We’re Number One!!
We’re Num … wait. What?

Crap. Wrong kind of number one …
According to a weighty government survey, the South is (once again) the portliest part of the good ol’ US of A.

DANGIT SOUTHERN PEOPLE!!!!
Can we please be number one for something positive?!?
ACK!!!

Maybe I’m overreacting.
After all, the findings are pretty much the same as they were in each of the the three previous years this fat-finding mission was performed.
::: hooray for artery-clogging consistency?!? :::

Mississippi, the perpetual red-headed stepchild of America, has reigned as Queen Supreme Pudgie Pot every year since 2004. But the rest of the region got surprisingly supersized and now the competition is ON!

Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia and Louisiana all embraced their inner backfat and have been bringin’ the chunk harder than ever!
Collectively, these four fatties have made so much peace with being obese that there’s almost nothing that sets them apart from Mississippi when it comes to the all important fat stat.
::: heavy thigh :::

Making up the ‘Top Ten Most Ginormous and Jiggliest States’ are:
1. Mississippi, now with 32.0% more lardass
2. Alabama, showing a sizeable 30.3 % bigger spare tire
::: You are my Heart of Dixie!! Just a little more bacon and you can be Number One, girlfriend!! :::
3. Tennessee, showing 30.1% heavier thunder thighs
4. Louisiana, packing 29.8% more junk in the trunk
5. West Virginia, with a whopping 29.5% bigger deep-fried backside
6. Arkansas, proudly packin’ on 28.7% more blubber butt
7. South Carolina, balancing picnic plates on 28.4% bigger buddha bellies
8. Georgia, cramming cookies into 28.2% chunkier cheeks
9. Oklahoma, outdoing itself with 28.1% more Oreo eating
10. Texas, bringing up a fabulously fattier rear with it’s 28.1% more flabtastic weigh-in

‘Experts’ think the traditional Southern diet — high in fat and fried food — may be partly to blame.

::: Oh yes! Finally – a CLUE!!! :::Another
 

 

Bacon Doughnut Egg Burger, Belva?

July 18, 2008 at 6:16 pm 5 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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