Posts tagged ‘teach’

POP QUIZ!!!


18311284_640x360ht_tuckruskye_081216_mn

OK OK OK – Can anyone tell me what these two hoochie twats have in common?

Is it:
1.) A deep love of peroxide?
2.) The Jaclyn Smith collection at K-Mart?
3.) The two-for-one burger bonanza at Checkers?
4.) A penchant for prepubescent peen?

From the looks of these, uhh, “ladies” you might logically conclude 1, 2 OR 3 … but it’s actually Number Four that binds these bitches together as sisters in sin.
::: Calling SHAME – party of two? SHAME – party of two … :::

yuckHo’bag on the left is 45-year-old Elizabeth Gaddy, who likes Maybelline products, long walks on the beach and gettin’ touchy with 13-year-old schoolboys at her house or on a dirt road or, you know, wherever … 

And the raggedy piece of dried-up skank on the right is 44-year-old Joan Tuckruskye, who likes to get nekkid in the back of her Nissan Pathfinder and offer [you guessed it] 13-year-olds a slice of her fuit-pie nasties.

You know, not for nothin’ here, but there really outta be a national outreach program dedicated to training our youth in Black Ops evasion techniques and supersweet Ninja moves so they can bust a bitch UP and swing on outta there whenever one of these post-menopausal mastodons makes a move on their jubbly bits.

No joke!
Teach the children … and teach them well – because you can NEVER underestimate the destructive power of Avon perfume, Strawberry Hill and needy middle-aged vag strapped with little-boy LoJack … that shit will mess you UP!

December 19, 2008 at 3:39 pm 11 comments

Sex me, Genie!


I may fight like a girl but, according to the Bookblog’s Gender Genie, I write like one butch bitch, y’all!

Instead of rubbing a magic lamp, this genie uses a sort of dumbed-down version of some boring, long-ass algorithm (developed by Moshe Koppel, Bar-Ilan University in Israel, and Shlomo Argamon, Illinois Institute of Technology, blah blah blah) to predict the gender of an author of a blog entry or works of fiction or nonfiction.
::: Scientifical!! :::

The caveat is that the Genie’s ‘best guesses’ come from text submissions of 500 words or more.
::: that must be whenthe X and Y chromosomes come out to play :::

The genie thought Jason Beghe Deathwatch was written by some kind of tranny or something. At 427 words, it was almost too close to call:

Female Score: 533

Male Score: 520

=

BITCH!

But Ciao Homeless People! – at a gender-bending 508 words – skewed male!

Female Score: 620

Male Score: 737

=

BUTCH!

The genie sees gyna whenever I talk about my boyrfriend but thinks I’m bringin’ the peen about half the time I dish on Big Mac‘s Maverick Beefiness. What’s the dilly, yo?!?

Am I living writing a lie? Am I trapped halfway inside the virtual closet? Why is ‘with’ feminine while ‘what’ is masculine? And where does the genie stand on blogrish terms like peen, blabby or muddaskunt?

Inquring minds wanna know!

… and just in case you were wondering:
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

::: I gotta go spit and adjust myself in public now :::

August 28, 2008 at 2:16 pm 3 comments

Falsely elected leader scolds falsely elected leader


George W. Bush is a massive toolBringing his special brand of dumbassness to the kiddie table at the G-8 summit, President George Worldraper Bush urged the international community to punish Robert Mugabe and the Zimbabwe government for suppressing political opponents and using violence, trickery and deception at the ballot box.

“I am extremely disappointed in the elections, which I labeled a sham election.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE TEE HEE TEE HEE HOHOHOHO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.

What a hum-DINGER, right?!?
HOOooooo boy …

I guess someone  was absent the day they went over that whole Pot and Kettle thing.

July 7, 2008 at 6:03 pm 7 comments

Principal shuts down paper, spits on Constitution


Shasta High School Volcano newspaperYou are:
A high school principal who just learned your student-run newspaper is featuring a burning American flag on its cover and a bonus editorial supporting flag burning inside.

Do you:
A. Engage your student body in a spirited debate on the finer points of free speech and freedom of the press?
B. Wuss out and re-print the edition, removing the controversial content?
C. Pitch a hissy and shut down the paper forever?

Well, if you’re Shasta High School Principal Milan Woollard, you choose Option C.
::: tard :::

A shame really — not because the Volcano was even a decent high school rag or anything but because Mr. Principal got served up a golden opportunity to have a meaningful debate about a real hot-button issue, which might have, you know — like, umm, help kids learn and stuff?

Which is, you know — like, umm, what he’s paid to do?

Oh but we do lurve us some flag controversy in America!!

Whether some schmoe is flaunting his right to fly a ginormous symbol of racism, or a kid’s rainbow-y present to his folks causing some crazy Kansans to see gay flags in their sleep, or a bunch of wannabe baby journos testing that little clause we like to call the First Amendment by torching Old Glory (on paper) — you just gotta be prepared for someone to get his panties in a big ol’ bunch!

Welcome to Knee-Jerk Reactiontown, Mr. Woollard! Hope you like it here.

June 11, 2008 at 12:34 pm 4 comments

Kabisa si kali


No Witches Allowed‘Member that Pasco County Florida substitute teacher who was fired for ‘performing wizardry’ in the classroom after word leaked out he’d shown the kiddies a 30-second magic trick where he made a toothpick disappear and then reappear?

BUSH LEAGUE!!

Had he pulled that stunt in Kenya he’d have found out tout de suite that the ol’ hocus pocus’ll get you juuusst a bit more than some bureaucratic slap on the wrist.

They get pretty hot about that kind of shit in Kenya.
In fact, earlier today a roving mob of crazies burned to death 15 women accused of performing witchcraft.

I’m bettin’ they were suspected of a bit more than making small pieces of wood vanish but it still sounds like someone’s been listening to a little too much Sacred Steel

May 21, 2008 at 4:42 pm


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: