Posts tagged ‘survey’

Wait. What?

The results of a new poll from the National Sleep Foundation reveal that roughly one in four Americans who are married or living with a romantic partner regularly feel too exhausted for sex.

Wait. What?
Sex helps you sleep better!

The survey, which included more than 1,000 randomly selected prudes people ages 25 to 60, found – among other blah blah – that nearly a quarter of all of them said their work schedules kept them from getting enough sleep.

Wait. What?!
What better time to have sex than when you’re awake? I mean, I’m no Rhodes Scholar or anything but aren’t you awake when you can’t sleep?? Isn’t that your basic 2+2 situation or some shit?!

According to the survey, about 20 to 30% of Frigidaires respondents said their persistent lack of sleep often left them too tired for sex.

Wait. What?!?
Have we not already established that sex is best while awake and that sex promotes better sleep?!? Uhh, helloooooo!

Don’t believe me?
Well then, quit making excuses and go do your homework, America!


March 11, 2010 at 11:06 am 7 comments

Obvious Obviosity 101

We are a big ol’ bunch of lying fatties, America!

We say we want fast-food joints and sit-down restaurants to offer healthier choices but when it comes time to actually put our money where our giant pie holes are, we ditch all that ‘diet talk’ and go for the gut busters.

At least, according to a company which tracks restaurant menus to identify flavor, preparation, food and pricing trends and, apparently, does the occasional survey of the painfully fucking obvious.

Roughly of chowhounds quizzed by Mintel Menu Insights said they would like to see more healthy options, but only 51% order from those selections.
::: Frealz — someone needed a survey to uncover this bombshell evidence? :::

“There’s definitely a dichotomy between what people say they want and what they actually do when it comes to healthy restaurant eating,” a Mintel flak blah blah’d as some sort of a dismissive justification for our jowlitudinousness.

I’m shocked!

“Over eight in 10 adults told us it’s very or somewhat important to them to eat healthy, but when it comes to dining out, most people are really looking for taste, texture and experience.”


According to the company, the ready availability of better quality, more nutritious food wasn’t the only thing stopping us from eating better.
Oh no!
Price was also an obstruction to eating well!

Get. OUT!

Fifty-four percent of those surveyed admitted they believe it costs more to eat better.

“As cash-strapped consumers tighten their belts, they’re choosing cheap and tasty comfort food,” the survey concluded — which sounds plausible and all until you boil it down to the bottom like and reckonize that a bitch’ll befriend a biggie burger n’ fry combo over some lo-cal caca any day — New Great Depression or not!

Which make me wonder what great new revelation Mintel Menu Insights will bring us next?
That the colors used in a restaurant help determine if we’ll stay and how much we’ll spend?



June 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Oh yeah? Well come down here and say that!

Because the economy, the stock market, failing businesses, the New Great Depression, flagging sales figures and decreased readership are sooo last year, Forbes magazine is turning attention to news that really matters:

America’s 10 Most Boring Cities!!!!

Now I was shocked — SHOCKED I say — to see the Alabama snoozervilles of Bugtussle and Sterrett left off the list … but folks down the road  in Hialeah are a deep-fried and fevered shade of PISSED to find their municipality classed as, well, mostly mundane.

pissedatforbes“Chumino’s! Maricón’s!!” Jesus [HEY-ZOOS] bellowed this morning from one Florida radio station’s call-in line.

“To whoever did this list?!? They do NAHHT know about Hialeah, my friend!  A ti no te parieron, te cagaron!!” a teenager identified as Luz wailed before her mother [we’re guessing] washed her mouth out with soap.

And Mayor Julio Robaina , a weensy bit more restrained, said ‘I’m not sure what criteria was used, but I’m sure if you would stop and ask any resident . . . I don’t think they would say `boring’. Hialeah has more than 250,000 people. Obviously something is keeping them here.”

And, you know what? They’re right!
Ain’t nuthin’ boring about Hialeah!

* Hialeah is where you can drive down the street at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday and find a neighborhood barbeque in full swing!
::: YAY!! Par-tay!! Woo hoo!!!! :::
* From Trick Daddy to Lil Jon [and everyone in between] — Hialeah gets its fair share of lyrical shout-outs!
::: Si tu pasas por mi casa
y tu vez a mi mujer
tu le dices que estoy en Hialeah
trabajando en factoría
por culpa de Fidel!

*Hialeah is where you can eat ropa vieja for breakfast while getting a manicure and having new rims installed … all at the same place!
::: Don’t forget the cafe con leche! ::
* In 2006 Hialeah was on Money Magazine’s 10 Best Places to Live list
::: I mean, I wouldn’t live there but whatever! SUCK IT, FORBES!!! :::
* Hialeah is the international HQ for Telemundo television network.
::: Hijole! :::
* And
Hialeah is home to more Santerosas than anywhere else in the country.
::: Ritual sacrifice, anyone? :::

So, just so you know — those carechimba hijueputa’s from Forbes better not even think about visiting The City of Progress for, like, ever – ‘cuz Hialeans are flat out ready to bring the beatdown and cut their shit off!

… everyone else is welcome tho  …

January 14, 2009 at 4:26 pm 7 comments

Mentioning the Unmentionables …

It’s official: Men Are Nasty.

Men wear old, stained, holey underwearAccording to a survey conducted by Jockey International — proud makers of tightie-whities since 1876 — hygiene has become a foreign concept and personal maintenance is just really, really, REALLY difficult for a big chunk of American men.

The Jockey poll discoverd that 26% of responders (more than a quarter of dudes in the entire country) own draahz that are five or more years old (blech!), and are in need of replacement (NO SHIT … err, well maybe a little).

But wait! There’s more!!

Inside this group is a sub-layer of obvious non-metrosexuals who own banana hammocks that are more than a decade old.
::: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth :::

Ladies — has your guy been dressing ol’ Frank and Beans in the same outfit since New Kids on the Block actually were new kids on the block???
Advice: Find out!

Seventy-seven percent of the men in the survey came clean about skivvies that, well, aren’t .
These Cro-Magnons fessed up that they’re keeping their vintage assrags even though the threads:
No longer fit (15%)
* beer and peanuts every night since you graduated college will do that …
Lost elasticity (30%)
* guessing from overuse? Putting the same pair on and off every day for years at a time’ll do that to elastic …
Are stained/not the original color (36%)
* ok, three guesses what those “stains” are from …
Are covered in holes (14%)
* when you can deficate AND urinate in any position – it’s time to consider a wardrobe change …

Y’all be so nasty!!

NEVER criticize my fuscia lace bustier and lime-green thong combo again, jackass!!

June 5, 2008 at 7:38 pm 7 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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