Posts tagged ‘starvation’

Pubic Servant


KarzaiHi!
My name is Hamid Karzai.

I like being President of Afghanistan, bowing to political pressure and giving support to hubsters in my ‘hood who wanna get their spousal starvation on!

REMEMBER TO VOTE FOR ME THIS WEEK!

Sad.
But true.

This is what happened:
Human Rights Watch discovered just last week that a revised version of the Shiite Personal Status Law had been *shhh* quietly put into effect at the end of July.

This is why it sucks dick (or, rather, why she has to):
The law gives Shiite men in Afghanistan the legal right to starve their wives if their sexual demands aren’t met. It also mandates that Shiite women must get their husband’s captor’s permission to even leave their houses, “except in extreme circumstances.”
::: and by ‘except in extreme circumstances’ they mean ‘except when he razor-rapes her and lights her hair on fire … THEN it’s ok to leave … maaaayyyybe’ :::

Oh but it doesn’t matter now.
See — unlike America where campaign promises go *POOF* as soon as the oath is orated — political allies in Afghanistan get to re-write whole laws ‘n shit if they have enough clout to keep your Ben Kingsley-looking ass in office.

asifmThis latest gem was the brainchild of that hot slut himself — Sheik Muhammad Asif Mohseni — the country’s most powerful Shiite cleric, who along with other ‘gina-haters were pretty pleased their ‘Bitch Better Blow Me Or It’s Starvation City!’ provision made it through, but reportedly had a serious Shiite-fit when their pedophilic plans to allow pervs to marry girls younger than 16 met with the legal hell naw.
::: Can’t win ’em all, gents! :::

H’i’mabit Kraizee signed the misogynistic measure because he’s an evil, soulless sellout dependent on support from Mohseni in this week’s presidential election.

Abdullah Abdullah, anyone? Anyone?

SOURCE

August 18, 2009 at 10:53 am 7 comments

I see!


Well slap my ass and call me twinkie – I may not need the Tarot and ball, after all!! 

I predicted the Alaskan Hotness would be offered a snuggly (if short-lived) spot near the captain’s chair on the ol’ Straight Talk Express …

I also knew we’d all be standing in bread lines soon enough, so why pay Jenny Craig when food prices are shooting up so fast we’re all gonna starve on the government’s time  first …

And my divination of a web-only category for the Pulitzers???
Umm hmm, yuppers — that’s happening as well (and two years early, too!).

This is a huge slice of all-seeing AWESOMENESS!

I’ve got mad cerebral supersensory skillz, yo!
Miss Cleo better watch out, cuz I, like, know shit ‘n stuff!

OMFG – I KNOW SHIT, PEOPLE!!!!
::: Fall-back career – WHEEEEEEEE!!!! ! :::

I bet we are totally gonna get that call from Miriam-Webster any minute now!!!

… and those Lotto numbers … must. concentrate. HARDER! … 

December 9, 2008 at 11:43 am 4 comments

There’s no hope for the rest of us


Kate Beckinsale doesn't like her bodyAll hope was lost the moment Kate Beckinsale demanded a body double for her latest film. Apparently, she “loathes” her bottom.

Umm, yeah – that’s Kate in all her horrifically gigantic, lard-assness right there —————>

Disgusting, I know.

A  source on her new film Whiteout said: “Kate has a terrible self-image. She thinks she is fat and she is always complaining how certain outfits make her bottom look big. Of course, the reality is that she has the most amazing body.”

Tragically — she isn’t soliciting comments with those remarks. She’s actually seriously effed in the head.

How terrifically sad is it when an Oxford-educated, outrageously gorgeous, successful mother/wife/actress who reportedly suffered anorexia as a teenager is still battling retarded self-image demons?

If you’re the parent of a daughter … hug her today and make sure she knows she is the apple of your eye and perfect just the way she is (well, that  and make sure she stays far, far away from R. Kelly).

June 16, 2008 at 7:22 pm 3 comments

Man-orexia!?!


What in the bloody hell is going on with Colin Farrell?!? I
Either he’s snorting too much pixie dust or he landed a role in some new Holocaust movie where he had to drop, like, 90% of his body weight …
I gotta think the smart money’s on the dust  …

Colin Farrell looks like hell

Photo: The Sun

May 14, 2008 at 8:36 pm 4 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: