Posts tagged ‘Sports’

{{{{{ SHON! }}}}}

You gave me one of my most recent moments of pure joy when, at 10 in the morning of February 3, you told me you loved me as only a National Signing Day recruit can — by committing to me Auburn for the next several years.

And now I return the love as only an Auburn-obsessed (and therefore everything related to Auburn-obsessed) devotee can — by committing all of my positive energy squarely in your direction and wishing you every ounce of everything good and pure that I possibly can as you battle back to health.

You can do it – we’re all here for you!


March 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm

NSD – WHEEEEE!!!!!!!

Even though it started on a ­čśŽ note when we were


as my would-be new ‘boo gave my impassioned plea the side-eye in favor of becoming a big ol’ ‘Cock.
:::┬áGood luck, my friend — but I leave you with one final thought … transfer
think about it :::

Oh yes, even though I’ve been denied true Tiger-luv by Marcus Lattimore – I WILL NOT BE DETERRED!!!

Hell to the no!
Because today is THE day!
National Signing Day!!!


It’s Christmas, my birthday and anniversary, the last day of Hanukkah and National Give A Fucking Gift Just For The Hell Of It Day in general — uh huh! It is bonus BIG present day and I am 20 shiny, sparkly, twinklified, glitterated kinds of LET’S GET IT STARTED READY!!!!!

signingdayMarcus Lattimore *sniff* notwithstanding ┬á– questions remain!!

Where oh where is DE Cory Lemonier going?
C’mon baby — you know inside you beats a TIGER’S heart, snookums!!!

And five-star lineman Shon Coleman? You, my fine, fine piece of OL ass are tailor MADE to bust through any opposition at Jordon Hare and beyond. You know you are!

Michael Dyer — show us your John Hancock and make it official!!

Seriously! Why even think about other schools?!

Follow your hearts! COMMIT TO AUBURN!!


I patiently await your beautified, hopificated signatures …

… Developing …

9:00 a.m.: Welcome Jawara White!! A linebacker who can score- SCORE!!

AaaandShaun Kitchens and Ryan Smith (who told Kentucky to shove it) are on board. SWEETNESS!!

… More …

10:00 a.m.:┬á Shon Coleman signs with Auburn – woo hoo!!!
::: SUCKIT BAMA! :::

In case you live under a rock – Coleman is one of the highest-rated players in the whole and entire signing class, ‘kay? He’s also one of the biggest at 6-foot-7, 285 pounds. He was ranked No. 1 in Mississippi, had offers from several schools, including┬ásix from the SEC alone, and he picked Auburn over Alabama, Ole Miss and Miami – which proves he’s got a big ol’ brain to go with all that brawn as well!

And, as expected but you can’t be 100% sure until he signs on the dotted line so fervent hopification had to happen, Michael Dyer signed with Auburn too!
Oh yeah, oh yeah!!

Dyer just happens to be considered the top high school running back in the whole and entire country according to ESPN – so SUCKIT LOSER SCHOOLS!!!

… Stay tuned …

11:00 a.m.: Hey hey Eric Mack! You KNOW it’s great to be an Auburn Tiger!!

Unlike some players from South Carolina who shall remain nameless but whose initials are MARCUS LATTIMORE – Big Mack (SMOOCHES ­čÖé )┬áchose┬áAuburn after originally committing to the Gamecocks.
::: SUCKIT COCKS – that just felt good :::

…┬áMTC …

1:15 p.m.: YAY!!!!! Corey Lemonier and Trovon Reed are ALSO coming to the loveliest village on the Plains!!!!
OMG – This is better than butter!!!!!!!!! This may be our heaviest signing day, like, EVAR!!! I am so superkalifrajilistically EXCITED for the coming season!!!!

…┬áContinued …

February 3, 2010 at 11:21 am 1 comment

X’s and Uh-Oh’s


21-14 Kentucky?!?

Come ON – get this train back on track! NOW!!!


October 18, 2009 at 12:56 pm 4 comments

‘We’re not good enough’

Not today we weren’t!!
::: 6 and 0 – I don’t think so ­čśí :::


Arkansas 44 – Auburn 23
“You can’t do the things that we did today and win a game against a very, very good team. We did all the classic things that you can’t do, certainly on the road, and certainly in this league.”
Auburn Head Coach Gene Chizik



October 10, 2009 at 11:16 pm 2 comments


aubtennIn our (IMHO) first REAL test this season, my beloved Auburn Tigers defeated the Tennessee Volunteers 26-22 (the Vols did execute a sweet last-second touchdown – otherwise that bitch would’ve been 26-16).

Now, I’m not saying I’ve changed my original opinion about Gene Chizik but, I’m warming to the idea of him a little more …

… even if he does look like a gigantic retarded crane trying to take flight …

Game Recap

October 4, 2009 at 4:19 pm 5 comments

FOX Viewership FAIL

I know I love a good infroming!
Nothing better in my view than a rock-solid infroming!!
Infroming for everyone!!!

Wheeeee!!!!! ….
No. Just kidding …

I feel sick just having seen this ├╝beretardationary display of moronitude.
Prolly need to drink heavily for a few days …

Peace out ’till my gag reflex completely recovers!

In the meantime … because we all need it after that mess … I give you the best most sparkliest wonderful thing ever created in the history of all of mankind: Terry Tate.

September 16, 2009 at 10:25 am 3 comments


I know most folks don’t know him but it was a phone call from a then-guy-I-didn’t-know-from-Adam one funky day in ’96 that changed my career for the wholefuckuvalotbetter … and right now I am just a gozillion kinds of hella sad that he’s gone …

Read more ­čśŽ

And more┬á­čśí

December 19, 2008 at 1:07 am

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