Posts tagged ‘singer’

POP goes the …


No – not breast implant!
Pop goes the floozy!

Pammy’s found yet another body part to whore out for cool cash monies — her pipes!

Every year around this time, Ol’ Crusty gets her funbags in the news for some fried mess.

Last year it was for skankin’ up Miami’s Art Basel (‘membah?) and this year it’s for giving Britney Spears a big ol’ bag of good reasons to stay sober.

According to York Post gossip column PageSix, raccooneyes and her close friend, designer Richie Rich are super busy and hard at work layin’ down tracks in the studio for their future flop pop single together.

WHEEEEEE!!!!!

The first track is called ‘High’ which is, of course, totally about her love of clothes.
::: so that’s what they’re calling it these days … :::

“We are recording a pop single together,” says Richie. “Pam says she wants to sing, but nothing too difficult, so she’s just going to sing the word ‘high’ over and over.”

Uh huh … well, unless she’s also planning on performing this highhighhighhighhighhighhigh blah blah while climbing the Empire State Building naked on a Saturday afternoon in her trademarked Lucite hooker heels while dropping million dollar bills, new jobs and sunshine along the way, I foresee marketing probs.

Just sayin’ … but hey, good luck … or whatever.

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December 5, 2009 at 3:10 pm 2 comments

I just threw up a little in my mouth


According to the San Francisco Gate, American Idol ditzball alum Kellie Pickler (AKA Pammy Lite) and Waffle House smackdown king Kid Rock have been dating for more than a year.
::: doesn’t that, like, automatically qualify her as engagement material?? :::

I really hope this isn’t true.
Because I kind of like Kellie.
You have to like someone who can market the shit out of one-range vocals and two plumpified breastesez. It’s like a law.

Now if we could just get that bitch to quit the love before someone gets hurt …

3121093634_ee66d59e3d

July 2, 2009 at 10:33 am 2 comments

R.I.P City Stages


What a week, eh?

Ed McMahon. Farrah Fawcett. Michael Jackson. City Stages.

City what?


City Stages – ‘The best music festival you’ve never heard of’ if you’re not from ’round here, according to a Chicago Sun Times review.
‘Here’ being parts near or around Birmingham, Alabama.

The three-day, family-friendly, arts and music festival  run by the Birmingham Cultural and Heritage Foundation showcased the last of all performances for, like, ever this year after a more than two decade long run.
::: sadness :::

The event is credited with helping transform Birmingham’s downtown area from blight to bright – re-establishing it as a great place to eat, shop, work and – well, just be.

But dumbass scheduling mistakes around 2001 (move it to grainy rainy May — how’d THAT work out?!?) saddled the hugely popular (and previously rapidly expanding) festival with mounting debt – forcing organizers to scale it down to keep it going. And it did … until this year.

Carrying a debt of more than $1 million, City Stages’ president – George McMillan – said this week that his show, well, won’t go on. 

SOURCE


DAMN THIS FUCKING WEEK!
::: Must regroup :::

KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY 
KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY
::: deep, cleansing breaths … :::

I close my eyes. I sail down a glorious rainbow of shimmery, shiny happiness. Wheeeee!!!!!!!!! I land on a cotton-candy puff in a land where I can sleep ’till noon on a weekday and my wine glass is never empty …. Ahhhhhhh

June 26, 2009 at 12:34 pm 4 comments

A moveable feast


NETHERLANDS MUSIC CONCERTI did it!
<——- It took me long enough, but I figured out what the frickfrackFUCK that thing IS on Beyoncé’s boo-tay!
::: curtsey :::

IT’S A BACON CINNAMON ROLL!!!

i2dw5nf19k30brw7gTu9BQlvo1_500Because, of course!
It’s just so obvious — I can’t believe I didn’t recognize it immediately!
::: Note to self: Boozy times may be adversely affecting cognitive abilities :::

I’m thinking I might have misjudged the Mighty
B(aconbutt).
She may just be the smartest whore in Hollywood!

Not only does she understand the intrinsic value of  edible clothing but that bitch wore her wisdom for all the world when she hauled her nasties around in what would have just been a glitterated shit-colored body suit had it not been for that ass-pleasing bacon chaser!
::: PORKILICIOUS!! :::

Now we just need to find out what tasty treats she’s keeping tucked underneath that lace front wig. All that extra glue’s got me thinking one thing: Deep-fried S’mores!

Beyonce loves her fake hair

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May 18, 2009 at 2:31 pm 2 comments

Oh SNAP!


beyoncesux Well kids, the reviews for Beyoncé’s first real stab at opening a flick are in and let’s just say they were the teensiest smidge less than [Sasha] fierce.

And by ‘less than’ I mean the word on Obsessed is that it’s flat-fucking-out DREADFUL!
::: kind of like that ultra-hein paint job the Mighty B’s workin’ here —> :::

From the Daily News:
“Unfortunately, the whole movie seems constructed just to get the singer/actress into a knock-down catfight, shoehorning one of show business’s sexiest entertainers into a scorned-woman role.

And even then, the pay-off feels cheap.

The result is more like “Delayed Frustration” than “Fatal Attraction.” Knowles actually gets second billing after Idris Elba as Derek, a driven husband, father and VP of a Los Angeles financial firm.

Definitely worth skipping!”

OUCHIES!!

Good thing girlfriend can always fall back on her screaching singing career and churning out cheap looks for the House of Derriér

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April 27, 2009 at 1:21 pm 3 comments

Sorry for the delay …


… but I was suddenly struck by a severe case of Ocular Outrage – you know, where your eyes literally peel themselves open from the inside and squirt gaze-goo all over the place.

Ya – NOT Fun.

It happened during my morning World Headline Tour and Scavenger Hunt O’ Stupid when I ran across some crap about Tom Jones hauling his saggy nutsack on tour and I was all ‘Damn, I thought that dude was dead!’  …

… then I clicked the link and was all ‘MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!!!!’ when I saw what I am still not convinced isn’t a seeing-eye leather bowling bag …

tjones

My opthalmologist swears my retinas can be reattached with relatively little pain.

January 30, 2009 at 7:14 pm 6 comments

Next year is 69 baby!!


This —->>
was how I always imagined it would look if I had ever been lucky enough to not get caught spying on one of my two original Mr. Hotnesses while they, umm, ya know –  Got R Done.

Well, at least the sluterifically fertile ground of my X-rated imagination always fantasized it would look pretty much just like this … ‘cept no clothes, of course.
::: Anyone who can correctly guess my other original Mr. Hotness wins an item from the way cool LIAC store on CafePress.com :::

Happy 68th Birthday to the leading man of my dreamiest of dreamy junior high school dreams – Neil ‘Shilo … oh … Oh … OH!’ Diamond!!!

… call me! …

Photo is Hot August Night album cover

January 24, 2009 at 7:46 pm 10 comments

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