Posts tagged ‘sexy’

Dangerous Territory


C’mon Big Mac! I’ve made no secret that I’m ALL for you and The Alaskan Hotness sexing up the campaign — but let’s be careful here!

Everyone knows that when Republicans [Mark Foley] and topless young boys [Mark Foley] get together it rarely ends well [Mark Foley]

Ever notice how MAVERICK and MANSDICK have the same number of letters?
::: hehe … yes, I am three :::

PHOTO

October 22, 2008 at 7:59 pm

The whole world in his hands


According to a new BBC-sponsored GlobeScan poll, the world has tasted what Barack is serving — and the world likes it!

“Large numbers of people around the world clearly like what Barack Obama represents,” said GlobeScan chairman Doug Miller.

Well duuuhhh! Of course they do!!
Every time my boyfriend opens his mouth – cute little puppies, butterflies and rainbows fly out! Who doesn’t like puppies, butterflies and rainbows?!?

Republicans – that’s who!
They like war and guns and the death penalty and crazy, naughty bathroom time and … well, they’ll just piss all over your cute little puppies, bite the wings off your butterflies and relegate your rainbows to those crazy, naughty bathroom times they don’t talk about.
::: tappy tap tap … :::

“… only one in five think a McCain presidency would improve on the Bush administration’s relations with the world,” Miller said of his poll’s results.

And my bleeding, commie, pinko heart totally gets that.

But the teeny skeptic I keep locked inside my deeply troubled mind thinks the world may want to go back to school for a little remedial Ass-Kissing 101. You know, just in case Big Mac and the Alaskan Hotness come out on top in November.

Imagine a world where the out-of-place, insecure, picked-on kids everyone hates win the class election and suddenly have oodles of power and cool, destructive toys at their disposal.

Yeah, that’ll  end well …

September 12, 2008 at 12:53 pm 1 comment

The pigs are flying!


Test Time!
When both sides completely stop talking about issues, ONLY snipe at each other and go effing nuts over  dumbass, bullshit, crapass common clichés – we have:
A. Less than two months until election day
B. All lost sight of what matters
C. No hope of educating the electorate
D. All of the above
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sexy GILF Sarah Palin used the word ‘lipstick’ in her acceptance speech and suddenly any use of the word is off limits because it is somehow disparaging to her or her womanhood?
::: Ummm, like no n’ stuff? :::

Nutshell moment:
The phrase ‘you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’ll still be a pig’ has been around forfuckingEVER and is usually used to describe products, services, campaigns and so on that suck, stink, are putrid and won’t fly – no matter how fancy their packaging, message or delivery.

But, you know, that’s just how I’ve always heard it used.
I never checked the ‘Alaskan’ etymology.
::: neither did Big Mac :::

His Maverick Beefiness used it in a speech late last year in Des Moines, Iowa to articulate how he felt about his future running mate – HAHA, no, just kidding! He was referring to Hillary Clinton’s health care plan, silly! (graph 13 if you’re playing along at home):
“I think they put some lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig,” he said of her health-care plan.

Now, acid flashbacks aside – my memory’s pretty good yet I can’t recall legions of outraged Dems accusing him or the GOP of likening Clinton to a pig … but – then again – they called her everything else in the book (and so did folks in her own party, if we’re being fair here) so it may have gone unnoticed …

But it does seem like folks have been puttin’ lipstick on pigs for a long time! Has it always about Her Alaskan Hotness??

…. hmmmm, let’s see! ….

Was it about her on November 2, 2004 when Vice President Dick Cheney used it?
“As we say in Wyoming, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig,” Cheney quipped in a stump speech, referring to Her Supreme Sexiness – HAHA, kidding again!! He was referring to John Kerry and his assertions he would have been a credible war president.

Ok then … was it about GILFy on August 6, 2004 when an editorial in the New York Daily News used it? Page 46, Column 1:
“As in so many cases, the lesson here is that no matter (how?–ed.) much lipstick you put on a pig, you’ve still got a pig.”
::: Again, like no n’ stuff? :::

Ok, ok. You got me on that one, but what about November 16, 1985 – when the Washington Post used the phrase? Page 1, Column 1?
SAN FRANCISCO, Nov. 15– KNBR, the AM radio station carrying the Giants baseball games, had raised $20,000 toward the construction of a new downtown stadium. The board of supervisors, reluctant to commit to such a project, asked if they couldn’t use the money to renovate Candlestick Park.
“That,” replied KNBR personality Ron Lyons, “Would be like putting lipstick on a pig.”
::: DENIED! :::

Man, this is HARD, y’all!

But it MUST have been about Her Sexy Snowyness with the March 24, 1995 use of the phrase in the New York Times … riiight? Page A22:
Representative Patricia Schroeder of Colorado called them “cosmetic amendments” and said: “It’s like putting lipstick on a pig. When you’re through, you still have a pig.”
::: No?? Again?!? :::

Well then – what about this even older reference from the Times on November 9, 1988?? Pages A1 AND A18:
And on “This Week,” Mr. Boehner said: “There was really no clear agenda for the year, And when there’s no agenda and there’s no real direction, what happens is you can’t–you really can’t have a message. You can put lipstick on a pig all day long, but it’s still a pig.”
::: Ummm, yeah – not so much there either :::

Ok, so none of those were about Hottie Granny but you can’t tell me Time Magazine is innocent!

Time Magazine was sooooo obviously gettin’ their lipstick-gate on when they published the History of the Electric Car – which is so CLEARLY about Her Ultimate Updo I almost can’t control myself:
Sticking a hybrid engine in a jumbo SUV is “putting lipstick on a pig,” says Ronald Hwang, vehicle policy director for the Natural Resources Defense Council, who argues that if GM is green serious, it should give up SUVs and build more efficient cars.

I know — like WOW, right?
Whew! I am so glad THAT is cleared up!

September 10, 2008 at 2:27 pm 5 comments

No nekkidness in smalltown Georgia


Officials in the ‘city’ of Lavonia, Georgia got together and bought themselves a strip club!
::: bow chicka bow bow ::: 

“We bought it to get rid of it, bottom line,” city manager Gary Fesperman said this week after the sale was final.
::: bow chic … what!! ::: 

The Lavonians shelled out nearly 1 million smackeroos to buy – and shut down – Cafe Risque … but  they didn’t stop there!

After the purchase, they did what smalltown inbreds like to do the most — set shit on fire!!!
::: YEEHAW!!! :::

They gassed up at the local Texaco and set out to torch every last dadgum dirty sign for the club they could find.

“Those billboards did more damage to the community than the club did,” said Fesperman – totally thumbing his nose at the collateral cash that comes from coochie joints. You know – bakky and liquor sales (to get in a coochie frame of mind), gassin’ up the F-150 (to get to the coochie), some fine interstate dinin’ (tittays make ’em hungry! Stuckey’s, anyone?) and traffic tickets (those dollar bills could go for more than a new pair of Lucite heels, ya know!) 

And just who is gonna buy those pasties Lurleen makes so purty with her sequin deeezignz?!?
::: Way to think it through Fesperman! :::

I was feelin’ bad for all those sexually-frustrated long-haulers until I remembered something that apparently ol’ Fesperman doesn’t know!

::: Grammar-Time! :::

Synonym for ‘out-of-work small-town stripper’?
Hooker.

Road trip, anyone?

August 1, 2008 at 2:10 pm 3 comments

Mindin’ his biznass


Time for white folks, pundits and geezers to freak the fuck out!

A black person has issued forth verbiage that could potentially, just maybe – in the right lighting if the earth is spinning at the appropriate speed and you are peering at the words through the looking glass at a perfect 90 degree angle – be interpreted as ‘offensive‘ and ‘hurtful’ to my boyfriend’s quest for world domination the U.S. Presidency.

But isn’t that just Ludacris is being, uhh, well – ludicrous?!?

Lyrics to his new song ‘Politics: Obama is here’ have been released and the general consensus is that Luda done lost his mind, y’all!

“This song is not only outrageously offensive to Senator Clinton, Reverend Jackson, Senator McCain, and President Bush, it is offensive to all of us who are trying to raise our children with the values we hold dear,” the campaign said.
“While Ludacris is a talented individual he should be ashamed of these lyrics.”
::: Poor Luda — c’mere — I gots yer hug right here sweetums :::

Wait – did I write that right? The campaign said?
Oh yeah, that’s right. Well they’d have to because you KNOW Yummy Tummy was jammin’ to that bad boy on his iPod at the gym!

Hillary hated on you, so that bitch is irrelevant
Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what?
if you said it then you meant it how you want it have a gut!
and all you other politicians trying to hate on my man,
watch us win a majority vote in every state on my man
you can’t stop what’s bout to happen, we bout to make history
the first black president is destined and it’s meant to be
the threats ain’t fazing us, the nooses or the jokes
so get off your ass, black people, it’s time to get out and vote!
paint the White House black and I’m sure that’s got ‘em terrified
McCain don’t belong in ANY chair unless he’s paralyzed
Yeah I said it cause Bush is mentally handicapped

I mean, ok – I may not agree with all of the above but I gotta say I’m not finding too much issue with his Bush comment.
::: juvenile tee hees all around! :::

But ok — so we have to have a controversy about it and ‘the campaign’ had to issue a damning statement.
::: yawn :::

I think O’Baby and Luda-FOIN-ASS-cris should settle this the old fashioned way:
Nude K-Y Wrestling Match!

Don’t worry, I’ll totally referee!!

July 30, 2008 at 8:03 pm 3 comments

Heavy (aqua)Petting


I’ve been buying my toys at the wrong store!

Hugs and kisses go out to my green-eyed friend for *ahem* turning me on to what just may be the ‘must have’ nightstand accessory for women everywhere: The Dora The Explorer Aquapet.
::: muy atractivo!! :::

Seriously! Check that bad bitch OUT!
—————->
::: muy caliente!! :::

Mad props have got  to go to the creative team!

Can’t you just picture the process? A jumble of bodies packed together in a small room, everyone taking turns stroking the initial idea … working long and hard for hours at a time … fingers caressing the growing shape … massaging the concept until this final, beautiful design burst forth in a flood of their collective creative juices!!!!

::: hhhhohyeeaaahhhhhhh ….. :::

July 22, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Tell us how you really feel


Freudian slips of the headline tongue are better when they come in pairs … right, Sun Sentinel?
Copy editing quality you can shake a stick at!

July 14, 2008 at 4:38 pm 4 comments

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