Posts tagged ‘Scientology’

Sex me, Genie!

I may fight like a girl but, according to the Bookblog’s Gender Genie, I write like one butch bitch, y’all!

Instead of rubbing a magic lamp, this genie uses a sort of dumbed-down version of some boring, long-ass algorithm (developed by Moshe Koppel, Bar-Ilan University in Israel, and Shlomo Argamon, Illinois Institute of Technology, blah blah blah) to predict the gender of an author of a blog entry or works of fiction or nonfiction.
::: Scientifical!! :::

The caveat is that the Genie’s ‘best guesses’ come from text submissions of 500 words or more.
::: that must be whenthe X and Y chromosomes come out to play :::

The genie thought Jason Beghe Deathwatch was written by some kind of tranny or something. At 427 words, it was almost too close to call:

Female Score: 533

Male Score: 520



But Ciao Homeless People! – at a gender-bending 508 words – skewed male!

Female Score: 620

Male Score: 737



The genie sees gyna whenever I talk about my boyrfriend but thinks I’m bringin’ the peen about half the time I dish on Big Mac‘s Maverick Beefiness. What’s the dilly, yo?!?

Am I living writing a lie? Am I trapped halfway inside the virtual closet? Why is ‘with’ feminine while ‘what’ is masculine? And where does the genie stand on blogrish terms like peen, blabby or muddaskunt?

Inquring minds wanna know!

… and just in case you were wondering:
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

::: I gotta go spit and adjust myself in public now :::

August 28, 2008 at 2:16 pm 3 comments

Jason Beghe Deathwatch

Jason Beghe denounces ScientologyMark your calendars – it’s time to play SCIENTOLOGY DEATHWATCH!!! Woo hoo!!!

Today’s newly-enlightened but horrifically unlucky contestant is actor Jason Beghe, who is signing his own death warrant leaving the most effed up quasi-religion EVER Church of Scientology after 14 years, calling the cult religion “destructive and a rip-off”.

::: shovels and bags of lye being purchased somewhere in California :::

Beghe was a dyed-in-the-wool thetan who had completed so many brainwashing ceremonies courses that he was considered a ‘top Scientologist’ (aka an OT 5), just like couch hopper Tom Cruise, fatty manlover John Revolting and buffet queen Kirstie Alley.

THAT  is some damned fine company to keep, yet somehow the love affair has ended and Beghe was able to tunnel his way to short-lived freedom guided only by a pen light, cunning wit and a whole lotta moxie!

He even posted a video on YouTube denouncing Xenu, the tone scale, the bridge to total freedom and all of the other batshit crazy Scientological ‘teachings’ as “very, very dangerous for your spiritual, psychological, mental, emotional health and evolution. I think it stunts your evolution. If Scientology is real, then something’s f—ed up.”

Ouch! Someone took a detour on the Way to Happiness!

He goes on … “I don’t have an agenda. I’m just trying to help. I have the luxury of having gotten into Scientology and after having been in it, been out. And that’s a perspective that people who are still in and not out do not have.”

::: Bow and back saws are located in backroom of Celebrity Centre :::

Once his deprogramming is complete, we’d like to forecast a long, happy life for this new non-follower of the Galactic Confederacy … but we can’t.

Because he’ll be dead soon.

What?!? He will be!!! That’s how Scientologists roll. GAWD — don’t you people know anything?!?
You’re either with them or your on their “Sooo-Needs-To-Die” list, which is exactly where Beghe will be as soon as the secret society of OT Eight’s snatch him up and force an E-meter up his ass.

Just ask Sonny Bono or Lisa McPherson or Jeremy Blake and Theresa Duncan or Terry Schiavo … oh wait, that’s right … you can’t … because they’re all dead.

We hope Beghe has his accounts in order, his dental records up-to-date and has recently told those he cares about how he feels. An encounter with the God dynamic is for damn sure on his karmic to-do list …

::: a pick-axe deeply gouges a remote plot of sun-baked earth in Nevada :::

April 16, 2008 at 7:39 pm 8 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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