Posts tagged ‘scandal’

Eliot Spitzer: Working Stiff

Today is the dawn of an awesome new day for former New York Governor,  Hall of Fame Whoremonger and all around manslut Eliot Spitzer.

The Luv Gov is straight up gettin’ paid, y’all!

No, he didn’t write a tell-all; he isn’t wranglin’ ho’s down at the Bunny Ranch and he’s not designing a line of creatively comfortable bondage briefs … yet.

Starting today, Spitz will be hard at work pimping his thoughts on government, regulation and finance for a bi-weekly column on
::: I wonder who gets to massage that copy!?! :::

“It’ll be heavily about the financial crisis and fixing financial markets and the economy generally,” confirmed Jacob Weisberg, editor-in-chief of the Slate Group.
::: Hey – maybe it’ll be good. I mean, if there’s one thing Spitz knows it’s how to appropriate funds! :::

The idea for the column – called ‘The Best Policy’ – came after Slate honchos spied a tasty Op-Ed piece Mistah Luvah wrote last month for The Washington Post that stimulated a deep desire for the hot slut in a big ol’ way.

“We called him about writing for us,” said Weisberg, who admitted the pub and the gub had themselves a quickie right then and there.

“It was not an epic negotiation. He was very receptive to the idea.”

And, you know, I just don’t doubt it at all.
I’ve heard he likes to receive …

Keep it between the margins, El!

December 4, 2008 at 2:51 pm 7 comments

One large rumor, a stalkery snap on the side and hold the Big Mac

Cindy McCain is a whorebag!
Cindy McCain is a whorebag!
Cindy McCain is a whorebag!

Just in time to have absolutely ZERO impact on the presidential race, the scribes who sponsored John Edwards’ ‘Baby Mama Drama Career Suicide Tour ’08’ have taken a time out from poopy diaper DNA testing to drop this new bomb.

“Sources” tell the National Enquirer they have spied Cindy Lou Who lockin’ lips and gettin’ all huggey with a man who isn’t gonna be doodling “maverick” on the back of his Senate seat next year.
::: and by ‘sources’ we mean Scapegoat Palin. HAHAHAHA, just kidding!!!
… sort of … :::

Mrs. Mac is apparently a big ol’ cheatin’ whorey cheater who has been engaged in all kinds of cheateration going back perhaps as far as Mr. Mac’s first failed presidential bid.
::: Does NOBODY listen to Tammy Wynette anymore?!? :::

Not one to just make shit up (except when they do), the Enquirer is fueling their ‘She’s a flaxen-haired floozy’ rumor train with concrete evidential-type stuff and HARD proofification.
Yesssssss — they have a picture.

<— SEE!!! PROOF!!!!!

A grainy-almost-to-the-point-of-pixellation picture taken at an Arizona music festival two and a half years ago showing a blonde woman (so you know it’s her) with a blonde ponytail (it is sooo her)  locked in a virtually pornographic embrace (total slut) with a man who’s name we don’t know!

My god — it’s just so clear!

Well, uhh – ok, not the photo, or, umm, well the logic, per se  but, uhh, well something is clear!
Of that much, we can be sure … or something …

November 13, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Dangerous Territory

C’mon Big Mac! I’ve made no secret that I’m ALL for you and The Alaskan Hotness sexing up the campaign — but let’s be careful here!

Everyone knows that when Republicans [Mark Foley] and topless young boys [Mark Foley] get together it rarely ends well [Mark Foley]

Ever notice how MAVERICK and MANSDICK have the same number of letters?
::: hehe … yes, I am three :::


October 22, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Is Palin the real candidate for change?

Her supreme sexiness – hot GILF Veep Nom Sarah Palin — is barely on the world radar for two seconds and already she’s Caribou-poo-deep in scandal!
::: YAY sweet, delicious scandal – I knew this bitch would deliver!! :::

Oh sure, there’s an investigation into whether she abused the power of her office to have her ex-brother-in-law fired and that’s all interesting and blah blah blah – but to find out about that mess means you have to, like, actually read  a buncha wordy stuff — and well, can we be frank?
When was the last time you talked to a voter who’d actually READ anythng about the candidates?
::: don’t tell me a country who approved eight years of this is a nation of readers :::

Nope, the scandal we’re talking about is one that all of The Land of Maury can proudly get behind:
Palin Preggergate

Girlfriend’s 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is all kinds of knocked up.
The Dems are eating it up like a free buffet at Denny’s while the Retardspublicans are all like ‘See!! She’s totally having this unplanned, irresponsible, out-of-wedlock, bastard child — Family Values, Beeyatches!”

Haha on YOU, America!!

You were waiting for my boyfriend’s sexual scandal to surface, never thinking for one moment that kiddie sex would take center stage.
Besides, O’Beautiful is WAY too smart to get caught do anything like that!

The kicker is that we really should have known this would happen. It’s a receipe that never fails!

Princess Palin’s grown up under the pistol-packin’ pro-life thumb of a multi-child master breeder, for chrissakes! I’m actually surprised it took her 17 years to find  ‘the family way’!
::: if certain folks are correct, we may find out it only took her, like, 16 or so … :::

– You take one part abstinence
– Two B cups teenage lust
– Introduce one hot, hockey hunka hunka Levi Johnston sausage link
– Add generous amounts of “f***in’ redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes” ‘tude
– Stir in equal parts sexual frustration, innuendo and pubescent stupidity
– Mix together in wilderness-enclosed tenting
– Sprinkle with Trig and vague engagement rumors (for palatability)
– Transfer to political fishbowl and let stand

At least Palin can now legitimately say SHE is the candidate for change.

Changing diapers.

September 2, 2008 at 6:03 pm

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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