Posts tagged ‘Santa’

Happy Birthday Big Jeezy!


And to those of you who didn’t get what you wanted … deal.

It’s not time to clock out just yet. ūüėČ

252_22958_9fa125f460bb81d861f4e5f086eaae58

Merry Merry!

XOXO — Cookie

P.S. – Cookie Toss This Week ūüėČ

December 25, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Awful-ly funny


… because Greeneyed girl didn’t find it amusing ūüėõ …

December 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm 3 comments

Spielberg is pissed, yo!


Some √ľber-eggheads out there have gotten together, swapped brain waves or charted some graphs or used an abacus or some shit to decisionize a radical new theory that basically lays down the scientifical HELL NAW on that little old lifelong assumption that we human types aren’t the only intelligent life in the uni, after all.

Watch out Santa — they’re coming after your fat ass next!

But frealz … there’s apparently this thing out
there you’ve I’ve never heard of called the Drake Equation that’s been used since the earth’s crust cooled 60’s as the basis of all acceptance on behalf of everyone EVERYWHERE that — Yes Virginia — there really are ET-type deals and suchlike kickin’ it all over the cosmos.

‘Cept for maybe not ‘n stuff.

Because there’s this report on arXiv.org that slaps a bullshit sticker on that mess, effectively putting the DE on the galactic DL.

And don’t you just KNOW the folks out there searching for extraterrestrial intelligence at places like the SETI Institute in California feel like a big ol’ bunch of doofi right now!
::: Oh just stop trying to sound it out and get your smart on … it’s pronounced archive dot org :::

The thinking is was that you could use the Drake Equation to calculate the likelihood of making radio contact zzzzz with extraterrestrials by approximating the number of zzzzzzz radio-transmitting civilizations in our galaxy at any one time by multiplying a zzzzzzz string of factors such as:
1. The number of stars
::: but doesn’t that change? :::
2. The fraction of stars that have planets
::: Wait. Stars are buying whole planets now?!? I thought they just owned their own islands. :::
3. The fraction of those planets that are habitable
::: can’t be long after we get hold of ’em :::
4. The probability of life arising on such planets
::: can’t be much after we get hold of ’em :::
5. The likelihood of that life becoming intelligent
::: can’t be much afte … ugh, you know the drill :::

And over the years, researchifiers have used this ‘logic’ to make some ‘educated’ guesses and come to the collective conclusion that there are about 10,000 tech-savvy civilizations in the galaxy currently sending signals our way ‚ÄĒ a number that has led other science-types to predict that we’ll detect alien signals within two decades or before the next Beiber, whichever comes first.

An assertion which astrophysicist David Spiegel at Princeton University and physicist Edwin Turner at the University of Tokyo giggle over and go ‘ehh, NOTSOMUCH FOOLZ!’

Using a statistical method called Bayesian reasoning, Dave and Ed argue that life here on Earth could be common or could be extremely rare, man. Because, like, we just don’t fucking know, ya know?
And since we just don’t fucking know, there’s no fucking reason to prefer one conclusion over the other.

And there you have it.

The rub.
The fly in the ointment.
The straw that broke the camel’s back.

The sofuckingobviousIcan’tbelieve noonthoughtofthisbefore immutable point about trying to act like you definitively know what you, like, definitively do not know.
Don’t.

“Although life began on this planet fairly soon after the Earth became habitable, this fact is consistent with ‚Ķ life being arbitrarily rare in the Universe,” the authors write,
going on to, like, PROVE their theory using math and other highly-technical and complex PROVIFIERS that involve multi-syllabic words and ASCII-looking scribbles and suchlike that I won’t get into here because, well, there’s math and other highly-technical and complex PROVIFIERS that involve multi-syllabic words and ASCII-looking scribbles and suchlike involved.
HELLOOOO?!?

Suffice it to say that with one carefully crafted conception, two geeks have singlehandedly erased the one warm and fuzzy scientists have used as their ‘go to’ argument for decades and slapped a big fat question mark on that bitch instead.

OOOOO, BUUUUURN!!

SOURCE

July 26, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Christmas Eve Inquiry


As Ol’ Man Winter puts the screws to holiday travel plans for thousands, Norad’s putting the final touches on this year’s hi-res Santa Cam to let the kiddies know – down to the nanosecond – just exactly when his jolly fatness will be droppin’ their loot.
::: YAY – SANTA LOJACK!!! :::

Google announced Tuesday afternoon that children — and even all the big kids out there — will be able to track St. Nick’s journey around the world using¬†Google Maps¬†and¬†Google Earth.
::: Fat man’s comin! Fat man’s comin! :::

But for those not fortunate enough to travel on a craft fueled by positive thoughts, sugar and reindeer,¬†Christmas Eve isn’t quite as fun … or easy.
::: You mean Detroit doesn’t make that model for everyone? :::¬†

Snowstorms have crippled airports, highways and rail lines across the country, stranding travelers for hours, days and, in some cases – throughout the entire holiday.

We were on our way to the airport and my grandma called and said the flight was canceled,” said¬†Blaine Skelton, 21, who spent last Christmas in Iraq,¬†is stationed at Camp Pendleton¬†and was traveling with his wife.

Skelton’s no longer counting on getting home for Christmas because the¬†next available flight is three days¬†after¬†the holiday.¬†Worse yet, this will probably be his last chance to visit family members before he is deployed again.

… which begs the question:

December 24, 2008 at 11:24 am 1 comment

Holiday Humbug


Some¬†dumb bitch in Panama City has gotten her EEOC-complaint on¬†because she¬†says she was fired from her job for refusing to answer the phone by saying ‘Happy Holidays’ as opposed to ‘Merry Christmas’.

The Rundown:
Tonia Thomas says the phrase ‘Happy Holidays’ contributes to the secularization of Christmas. The Orlando-based Liberty Counsel, which advocates for people discriminated against because of religion, is representing her.
– Her former employer, Counts Oakes Resort Properties, called bullshit on her defense and says she was fired for other reasons.
– The EEOC¬†hasn’t said squat … yet

Cookie’s Comeback:
I’d like to suggest that Ms. Thomas remove her head from her ass long enough to remember that her job was to book vacation rentals¬†in Florida¬†… and the last time I checked, folks from all over the world were free to get their Sunshine State vakay on.

That means people who don’t live within a 10-mile radius of the property rental office¬†who may be of different cultural or religious¬†heritage but still want to catch a¬†gnarly¬†wave or bake their buns in the¬†South Florida Sun¬†will occasionally be calling with inquiries of how best to¬†hand over their discretionary income in exchange for a beachfront condo …

‘Kay, girlfriend?
This world is a smallishly big place where many people observe or celebrate something other than (or in addition to) Christmas this time of year.
::: Free your mind and the rest will follow … :::

With head firmly out of ass, Ms. Thomas should find it much easier to see this great big beautiful world (and her country, state and city) in terms greater than her own self-indulgent, egocentric personhood.

In this last month every year in the world of more than Tonia Thomas’ me-me-me-ness, people gather together in celebration of several important secular and religous¬†events that don’t go by the name Christmas but are every bit as important to the folks who observe them.

Bottom line:
I can’t speak for everyone (although I’d like to!) but I can say that – taking into account that I do not live in my own little universe – I have zero issue¬†with extending a generic but nonetheless heartfelt wish for universal happiness and well-being to those who’s company I am fortunate enough to keep in the month of December.

So let’s go ahead and give Tonia Thomas a tiara because she has earned the dubious distinction of being my ‘Dumbass Bitch of the Season’ as well as the year-round title of official¬†‘Redneck Riviera Retard’ for her ability to throw caution and common sense to the winds while adopting¬†an absolutely¬†mindnumbingly myopic and ill-advised moral stance over what is, in essense, one of the most extremely non-pressing non-important non-issue issues of our time.

Take a bow, Tonia. Take a bow.

—————————————————————————–

And, just in case anyone was wondering about those December dates¬†…

Kwanzaa
A seven-day celebration of African family, culture and community, Kwanzaa is not a religious celebration but rather a cultural one which begins December 26 and runs through January 1.

Boxing Day
A public holiday also observed on December 26 by folks in the United Kingdom, Canada, New Zealand Australia and countries in the Commonwealth of Nations.
Historically, the tradition of Boxing Day calls for the giving of presents to the poor.
::: Those after-Christmas deep discounts really come in handy! :::

Hanukkah
This year, the Jewish holiday began at sundown on Sunday, December 22. Although it’s not a ‘High Hoy Day’, the Hanukkah is still one of the most widely recognized religious celebrations in the world.
Because the holiday is fixed on the Hebrew calendar as the 25th day of Kislev (for those playing along at home) it varies on the Gregorian calendar used by the rest of the world.
As a result, Hanukkah can fall anywhere from late November to late December which means that it often crosses paths (and sometimes downright overlaps) Christmas on the ol’ calendar.

Saint Nicholas Day
On December 6, folks in Northern Europe use Saint Nicholas Day to¬†educate children that¬†jolly old St. Nick¬†wasn’t always just¬†some gluttonous elf who rides around giving PlayStations and Wiis and iPods to privileged little boys and girls one night each year.
Instead they recognize Saint Nicholas’s¬†great kindness and generous aid to those in distress.
Traditional celebrations of this day include gifts left in children’s shoes (the origin of our American Christmas stockings). Good children receive treats – candies, cookies, apples and nuts, while naughty children receive switches or lumps of coal.

Eid’ul-Adha
Observed on December 8, this Muslim holiday commemorates the willingness of Ibrahim to sacrifice his son Ishmael as an act of obedience to God.

Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Observed every December 12, Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe
is one of the most important dates on the Mexican calendar. It’s¬†a time of great sacrifice and jubilation¬†when thousands of the faithful from around the country make¬†a pilgrimage to the Bas√≠lica of Guadalupe, in Mexico City, where the miraculous image of la Virgen Morena is kept.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS BITCHES!!!!!!

December 23, 2008 at 9:44 pm 4 comments

In case you didn’t know


As of this morning, Christmas is, like, in 12 days …¬†
::: fa la la la, bitches! ::: 

 

That doesn’t leave a lot of time to deplete your savings and do your part to stave off this New Great Depression.

So have you been a good little boy or girl and stimulated the ‘conomy by bustin’ your kid’s piggy bank to buy yourself a Blu-Ray?

No pressure and all but time’s running out, you know. Tick Tock!

What’s his Jolly Fatness bringing you this year?

December 14, 2008 at 3:54 pm 7 comments

Yes, Virginia …


There’s Santa … and then there’s Santa.

One is good for little more than scaring the bejeezus out of your offspring, which is hella fun to watch and all but if you didn’t bring a change of pants for your progeny then you’re probably in for a pretty shitty afternoon.

secret-santaThe other type is a bit harder to spot but an encounter with one is much more fulfilling. [That’s the ‘who’]

These ‘secret Santas’ get their mitzvah on by doing what others don’t, won’t or, well, just can’t.
They give.
And they give big.
::: Mazal, mazal, ¬†y’all! :::¬†

A couple of them recently¬†doled out¬†$20,000 in $100 bills¬†to folks in Illinois, Kansas and Missouri.¬†[That’s the ‘what’ ‘when’ and ‘where’]

“The only condition,” the Missouri angel said , “is that you do something nice for someone. Pass it on.”
::: Listen UP, greedy bankers, AIG bastards and other beggars hoarding bailout bucks meant to help the masses!  ::: 

The Kansas Santa was a protégé of famous Kansas City undercover gift giver, Larry Stewart, who died of cancer nearly two years ago.

Stewart roamed city streets each December handing out hundred-dollar bills to anyone who looked like they might need a lift.

His legacy lives on … and it’s a good great thing because, let’s face it – ¬†recipients will not be hard to find¬†in this New Great Depression.

[… and the ‘why’?]
“It’s not about the man, it’s not about the money, it’s about the message,” Kansas Santa said.

“Anyone can be a secret Santa with a kind word, gesture, a helping hand.”¬†

[I get it — ‘why not’]
And so, if you’ll excuse me …

December 7, 2008 at 3:12 pm 11 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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