Posts tagged ‘Sam Zell’

Strategy FAIL

Now this is forward-thinking.
This is smart.

HAHAHAnoooo, not in the slightest!
I’ve come to expect NONE of that from any of the rags so deep in denial of their suckitude that they still have the balls to call themselves bringers of ‘news’.

Since January, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel has laid off more than 60 people in an effort to cut costs, trim budgets and Band-Aid that big ol’ boo boo known ’round the world as a cash hemorrhage.

They’re eliminating positions like ‘editor’ ‘reporter’ (or, as John Q. Public ssfailwould call ’em: Fact/Spell/Don’t Get Sued/Detail Checkers) in favor of positions like ‘blogger’ and ‘i-reporter’ (which is just a nice way of saying ‘Thanks for the free content, suckweed!).

But despite all of this dramatic bootstrappin’ and cost-cuttin’ and diggin’ deep to find the fix – someone at the Sentinel gave the green-light to employ some skiff to cull through to find the funnies they clearly can’t come up with on their own.

Now, don’t get me wrong.
I love me some Fail Blog! (I also totally my engrishfunny, lolcats and, well, EVERYTHING at the Cheezburger network!)

I have spent many a drunk, sober, angry, happy, confused and otherwise conscious moment clicking through for the heehee and wishing I could be so eloquently inappropriate.
::: it’s an art … :::

But I’m not going around all Zell-ified, whacking people in the shins with the layoff stick whilst hiding behind a facade of purported fiscal responsibility at the same time paying some dumbass to ‘find funny pictures’ as part of a dopey gimmick to artificially inflate crappy stats to justify jacking ppc.

But, you know – that’s probably because I’m constantly amazed you bitches actually like the wretched waste I write … well, that and the fact that my shit’s not ‘a business’ and theirs is.
Meaning if they don’t make a buck they don’t give a fuck.

So instead of getting a clean, easily navigated online offering, we get a homepage crammed with horsheshit we can find virtually everywhere else, while the stuff they have that’s actually worth a look (Chan Lowe) is buried at the bottom of a NINE SCROLL page.
::: DESIGN FAIL! :::

It’s clear the folks corporate suits calling the shots at newspapers these days don’t get it – and the truly sad part is that they don’t seem to be very interested in trying.
And why would they, when they can just drop some coin and rip off a more popular site’s content? Right?


Not to repeat myself … but ok, yeah, sort of:
Let us know when you figure out what you wanna be when you grow up – a newspaper or a humor blog/gossip sheet.

I reeeeeeeaaalyyyyy hope it’s a newspaper, because I’d check your shit out when I want, like, NEWS and stuff!

As for the rest?
We already have Wonkette, Stuff White People Like, Confessions of A Pioneer Woman, I Don’t Like You In That Way, Neatorama, Gawker, Jezebel, The Superficial, Go Fug Yourself, Drunken Stepfather, Lainey Gossip, the entire Sugar Inc. family and, oh holy fuck, just so many others for our FREE daily scoop of cool, tawdry, funny, wrong on so many levels but you have to read it anyway … ya, it’s covered.

Stick to your roots and stop picking the fruit from the other trees.
It’s annoying – ‘kay snookums?


June 10, 2009 at 5:29 pm 4 comments

There’s a special place in hell …

OK – let me get this straight …

  • The Tribune Company’s in deep doo doo
  • The New York Times, on the verge of going tits up, takes out a second mortgage on their digs to the tune of about $225 million
  • McClatchy’s looking to cut their journalistic crown jewel
  • Businesses and newspapers left and right are riffing their ranks
  • Distressed displaced window company workers are about to enter Day 5 of peacefully protesting Bank of America‘s greedy bullheaded assbackwardness
  • Widespread panic over the New Great Depression tanks US Treasury yields to goose egg range
  • Some cities can’t even afford to recycle anymore
  • Entire school districts are going under
  • The bailout-a-palooza has cost us more than all US wars and government programs combined
  • The US economy has shed 1.9 million jobs this year (that’s 1.9 million people out of work, for you Republicans keeping score)
  • Our audaciously hopified president of change cautions us to be less hopified about our current (and future and future and future) situation …
  • ::: just to nutshell it for ya … :::

    … yet THIS greedy douchebag — who presided over his company’s $11.7  BILLION loss this year — is probably gonna get his manicured hands on the $10 million bonus he’s demanding.

    That about right?

    … cuz it doesn’t seem right …

    December 8, 2008 at 9:12 pm 10 comments

    This is the shit you bitches are reading

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