Posts tagged ‘sad’


I may have to say farewell to love for my (other) boo … my comedic counsel … my satirical soul-mate … ‘cuz he has brought the WRONG, y’all!!

My hopefullyhecanredeemhimselfbecasueIdon’twanttosaygoodbyetomy Ihopenotsoontobeformerlove Katt Williams was supposed to bring the hee hee during a performance in Phoenix last weekend but instead he just brought the ‘Oh HAYULL NAW!’

Because he went there.
Because Tracey Morgan’d himself and that, my friends, is a taint you almost can’t terminate.

During his show, the Pimp Chronicler singled out a man seated near the stage and asked him if he was Mexican.
::: ruh roh :::

“It appears to me y’all like it over here a lot,” Williams then said.
::: here we go :::

Cue the tirade in 3 … 2 …

“If y’all had California, and you loved it, you shouldn’t have gave that motherfucker up! You should have fought for California, goddamn it! Since you loved it.”

The audience member then stood up and said “This is Mexico, motherfucker!” to which Williams replied by turning in his direction, stomping his foot and responding “You think I’m dissing Mexico and I’m defending America. Do you know where Mexico is? No, this ain’t Mexico, it used to be Mexico, motherfucker, and now it’s Phoenix, goddammit. USA! USA!”

Now, kiddies, this is the part where I don’t have to tell you that this heated little exchange headed straight for the land of NOT GOOD with no detours, pit stops or bathroom breaks … because it did.

Because NOT GOOD is disparaging another person’s culture and heritage and should never be confused with defending your own.
Because it’s not.

After singing a bit of the national anthem — which Williams apparently either doesn’t realize or doesn’t care was written by slave-owner Francis Scott Key — he exploded with “Fuck, we were slaves, bitch! Y’all just work like that at the landscapers, motherfucker! It’s not even racial, you’re a bitch!”

Except that, well, I love you Katt, but let’s put it out there, ‘kay hon?
It was racial.
And it was undeserved.
Which makes it, like, you know — wrong ‘n stuff.

It wasn’t ‘edgy comedy’.
It was ignorance and undeserved mean-spiritedness toward someone else on the sole basis of ethnicity.
Which — stay with me here — makes it racial.
Which also like, you know — makes it wrong ‘n stuff.

Outrage over the incident has roundly risen everywhere, including the national Latino advocacy group, which petitioned for — and seems to have perhaps, maybe, on some level received — an apology.

A very dry white toast, probably publicist-penned apology, that is.

“My remarks were not meant to be offensive. I want to apologize if my comedy act was taken out of context. I sincerely appreciate my fans within the Mexican community and would never intentionally go out of my way to offend them.”

Not exactly dripping with sincerity there.
Just sayin’.

Katt, baby, if history is any guide toward the future – we’ll see if you do sincerely appreciate your fans — from all communities.
Or if you just appreciate their money.

I know which one I hope it is.

September 1, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Apparently, I don’t heart me

I work.
I work a lot.
And (like it’s a big secret here at LIAC?!) lately I am working more than ever.

I say I don’t mind.
It’s project-related.
It’s not long-term.

But I kind of mind.
And Mr. Cookie REALLY minds.

For all of the good reasons you’re already thinking.

Plus one.

According to a new study, I’m screwed.

See, a bunch of big brains over at the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health and University College London pooled their gray matter to do some serious CSI-type researchification on the long-term damage being overworked can do.

It was no great revelation that being overworked is bad for you.
That’s the kind of 2+2 shit I can work out in my own head.

What was just the teensiest smidge of uh oh was reading that people (like me) who work more than 10 hours a day (HAHAHAHA – only TEN? Fucking lightweights!) are about 60% more likely to develop heart disease or have a heart attack than people who clock just seven hours a day.

I am so screwed!

The study followed more than 6,000 British civil servants with no history of heart disease for an average of 11 years.
During the study, a total of 369 people had heart attacks (some of them fatal) or were diagnosed with heart disease after seeking medical attention for chest pain.


Fuckitalltohellandbacknow I need a drink … and I’d HAVE one too … if I wasn’t at work …


May 13, 2010 at 11:14 am 4 comments


extremey sad 4 U 😦

Well ok, but if you come after the magititions – that’s where I draw the line!

Proud product of the Texas public education system!

If you insisticate

And here I always though sociapaths were all for sociazed shit! Who knew!


April 2, 2010 at 10:00 am 3 comments

Aim high

Four Detroit public high schools are embarking on a bold new plan to instill the drive for success in their students by guaranteeing them glitter, Riches and SECURITY in return for hard work and superachievery study habits!


But they can help you get a job at Wal-Mart.

A new partnership between the daytime youth warehouses and the megagiant retail competition-crusher gives students future Made in China peddlers 10 shiny credits toward graduation, 11 superfun weeks of job-readiness training during the schoolday and *PAYDIRT* an after-school entry-level job at the store.
::: Cha … klink … 😦 :::

The Detroit Free Press talked to the principal of one of the schools who sounded positively giddy at the idea of trading his students’ future for finite financial gain.
“The program will allow students an opportunity to earn money and to be exposed to people from different cultures — since all of the stores are in the suburbs.”

Oh yes.
Because we all know how enlightening, elegant and all-around educational the People of Wal-Mart really are! —>

Not so giddy about the plan was Donna Stern, the Midwest coordinator for the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action, Integration & Immigrant Rights And Fight for Equality By Any Means Necessary (BAMN).
“They’re going to train students to be subservient workers,” she said. “This is not why parents send them to school.”

Now, it’s true that Detroit has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, so helping anyone get a job there is a true mitzvah.
And it’s also true that the school system has been run into the ground harder than ValuJet Flight 592, with frightful financials leading to layoffs and the closing of nearly 30 schools … and there’s about a hundredmilliongozillion percentage points of absolute certainty that there’s more where that came from.

So, you can close schools and you can layoff teachers but those pesky kids are gonna keep on comin’ – which begs the question: What DO you do with them?

Well? What?

Wait …You think I have a plan?!


It’s Detroit!
They’re all fucked as far as I can see!

All I know is that if I’m one of those students, I’m taking ‘How to be a Wal-Mart Greeter 101′ and gettin’ my sweet ass an easy A!


February 26, 2010 at 11:17 am 4 comments


I am sad.

In my super sparkly Girl Crush Hall of Fame are worthies like Angelina Jolie, Salmmmmmma Hayek, the HBIC herself and, of course, the hotness that is Whitney Harding.

There was a time when I would have also put Kristen Bell in the GCHOF.
A time, that is, before I found out that Kristen Bell is cunt bitch.

She is.

KB Toy and Hobby is out there whining because the elderly dog she adopted after Hurricane Katrina is *gasp* still alive four years later and now – at the MIRACLE age of 16 – hasn’t shown Kristen the courtesy of just fucking croaking already.
::: and it IS a miracle age … as anyone (including yours truly) who has ever had the privilege of caring for a truly elderly being can attest … 😡 :::

When she adopted Sadie, Kristen was all, “I’m honored to be a part of such an enormous life-saving effort. I applaud all the shelter and rescue groups who have made this program the success that it is. I encourage everyone to consider pet adoption, as I hope it will enhance your life as much as it has mine.”

Mmmmm hmmm – how time does pervert perspective …

“I adopted this dog from Katrina when she was 12 ’cause I work with a shelter and they had a bunch of dogs and I said, ‘I’ll take the oldest one, I can care for her.’
“Cut to four years later, (I’m) actually thinking she may be a real-life vampire and never die.”


“She’s almost totally blind and deaf.”
::: umm ya, that kinda happens sometimes with age, dumbass :::

“When she’s in the house, you can hear her pooping from the other room, it’s like bowling balls dropping. She’s semi-crippled in the house and she breathes like Darth Vader.””

Uhh hellllooooo?!? SIXTEEN!?!

Kristen – hear me – because I don’t want to think that all hope is lost for you.

When living things get old they are a lot like living things when they are new – kinda helpless and need lots and lots of TLC, attention and patience. Got that pumpkin?

Your dog is 16 magnificently miraculous years old! A survivor!

Think of her as you would a senile 100+ year-old grandmother who sometimes doesn’t have the physical stamina or mental awareness to get herself to the proper facilities when nature calls. Would you be hoping the old broad would just take her last breath already so you didn’t have to put up with her probs?

On second thought, Kristen – don’t answer that – because I don’t want to think that all hope is lost for you.

February 1, 2010 at 11:19 am 1 comment

This is real

Here is a short list of organizations ready to receive any help anyone would like to give:

• The Red Cross: You can give $10 to the Red Cross’s International Response Fund by texting HAITI to 90999. 100 percent of your donation benefits the Red Cross, and you can print a receipt through mGive, a foundation that helps non-profits take advantage of mobile technology.

• UNICEF, the United Nations Fund focusing on children, has worked on the ground in Haiti since 1949, so has the expertise to make a difference. You can donate here.

• Doctors Without Borders is also present in-country. One senior staff member reports, “The situation is chaotic. I visited five medical centers, including a major hospital, and most of them were not functioning.” Donate to support public health efforts here.

• MADRE, the international women’s rights NGO, partners with the Zanmi Lasante Clinic on the ground in Haiti. “The most urgent needs right now are bandages, broad-spectrum antibiotics and other medical supplies, as well as water tablets to prevent cholera outbreaks,” MADRE reports. Donate here.

• Action Against Hunger has had a team in Haiti since 1985, and is ready to fly planeloads of emergency supplies from Paris to Port-au-Prince. Food is one necessity, but so is sanitation; in some Haitian towns, 70 percent of homes do not have plumbing. Donate here.

• Mercy Corps has a history of deploying aid to regions affected by catastrophic earthquakes, such as Peru in 2007, China and Pakistan in 2008, and Indonesia last year. They are deploying a team to Haiti, and you can support their efforts here.

Partners in Health is the NGO founded in Haiti in 1987 by Dr. Paul Farmer, the celebrated physician and anthropologist who focuses on international social justice. The group’s emergency response focuses on delivering medical supplies and staff. Louise Ivers, PIH’s clinical director in the country, sent the message, “Port-au-Prince is devastated, lot of deaths. SOS. SOS.” Donate here.

• Missionary Flights International makes regular flights to
Haiti, including one Wednesday. Donate at

• Food for the Poor is accepting its donations at
. The Coconut-Creek based organization, which has an office and warehouse in Haiti that was damaged, is seeking donations to buy emergency supplies and lumber to rebuild homes.

• Operation Helping Hands, a joint community project of The
Miami Herald
and United Way-Miami, will be collecting donations to
support the relief effort in Haiti. To make a contribution, go to

Artist Wyclef Jean: Donate to Haiti via Wyclef Jean’s
charity. Text “yele” to 501501 to donate $5 to the fund. Or visit

World Vision has 370 staff in Haiti and is accepting donations
at or call 1-800-363-5021.

The Pan American Development Foundation (PADF) — the natural
disaster relief arm of the OAS — asks people to visit its special relief

Photos: AP, Getty Images

January 13, 2010 at 10:37 pm 6 comments

Awaiting withdrawal …

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … spring is just somber and summer sucks ass. THIS, my friends, is the most delightful — yet deciduous and distressing — time of the year.

No, not the secular-religious winter holiday seasonal shop-a-palooza, you ninnies!
That shit is as over as Britney Spears’ career!

I’m talking about the greatest collection of supernaturally spectacular annual occurances in the history or all recorded histories!
College Bowl Season!
And … well … *sniff* the end of College Bowl Season … *doublesniff* in just a few short days. 😦
::: a moment, please :::

Ayep — I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — college football is a naughty master. He’s a kinky, nasty, sweaty luvah – and he’s ruined me for all others.


Four months and a few weeks of nothing short of pure bliss.
There is nothing more beautifully brutal or poetically punishing than my beloved college football!

And the bowls are the complete and total BESTILICIOUSNESS of the bunch!

It all starts so gloriously then *WHAMMO* the season’s been tallied, the best go to bowl games, the worst hope for a signing day surprise and the rest of us wait for the inevitable, inconsolable end.


Five BCS bowls and 29 non-BCS bowls — 34 glorious gridiron games in all before the best creation ever bestowed upon mankind goes buh-bye for roughly 8 super sad-faced months.


But hey, I’ll be ok.
At least I’ll get a teensy bite more with the all-star bowl games later this month and then another tasty ‘next season’ appetizer on National Signing Day next month … but it won’t be until I see the preseason poll placements [where Auburn will no doubt be a top-tenner], read the leaked “early” practice reports and hear the proud projections of the editorial ‘experts’ that I can truly, frealz and a gozillion percent in earnest begin my ritual of seasonal salivation over the possibilities of the perfect season!

And it will happen!! It has to — it’s my New Year’s resolution!
::: and you wasted yours on that perennial weight loss pipedream again … HAHAHAHA! :::


January 4, 2010 at 11:26 am

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