Posts tagged ‘reality show’

¡ bueno está !

Oh my god people – STOP emailing me about this bitch, ‘kay?

She is not – I repeat – NOT a threat to my plans for world domination (nestled psychotically lovingly smack dab in the middle of O’Beautiful and the HBIC herself – Mmmmmmm)!

Michaele Salahi can’t even spell her own first name right. You think I’m worried about that mess?

She’s a reality show wannabe aging fame-seeking hag who’s looking to extend her platinum extensions into the lamentable ‘Real Housewives’ legacy.

Oh yeah, there’s a skank I’m scared of.

So she got to shake hands with my boyfriend.
So what.

So she got to break bread with mah boo.
So what.

So she got to touch the hand of the most glitteriest shiniest wonderiffic human on the planet.
So … whore.

She’s nothing more than Tila Tequilla in better clothes; Balloon Boy without the pushy parents.
She’s so over she’s not even worth the consonants and vowels I’ve wasted on her no-invite skank ass already!

She’ll soon learn what life is really like — bound by the severe restrictions of a Secret Service restraining order!

HAHAHAHA – oh HO yeah – when she can withstand that kind of wretchedness and still come out stalking … then, maybe – we’ll talk.

Until then, the bitch got no play!

It shoudda been us, O’Baby … it shouldda been us …

December 1, 2009 at 11:18 am 8 comments

Better set your TiVo!

What kind of idiotic lunatic marketing fuckery is this?

CBS Picks Up Arranged-Marriage Reality Series

Ugh – really?
Apparently so.

Not content with just airing soft porn for the kiddies or blatantly exploiting the hell out of ’em, CBS is set to air a show that  introduces four loser wannabe realitards adults – ranging in age from 25 to 45 – who are anxious to be famous for whoring themselves out on national teevee get married but have been unsuccessful … so far.
And the worst best part? It’s their soon to be former friends and family who get to pick the old ball and chain!

What could go wrong?!?
But then, that’s the point of this kind of pathetic ‘programming’, isn’t it?

I’m guessing this one’s gonna be your typical mix-n-match crowd of social misfits thrown together for the sheer hilarity of their pathetic losery non-compatibility.

— Camera cuts to Elbert in the ‘Confession Room’ —
‘I no’d it wuddn’t gonnuh werk wi’ Carol wen she woewer hah heelz en tuk hur breef kase tuh thuh hay rahd.’
— A downcast Elbert shakes his head. Camera cuts to Carol furiously brushing hay from her Vivienne Tam tailored tweed —

What a sidesplitter!!!

Know what I’m thinking???

Fox should come out with a ‘Baptism Battle’ – where only the most conniving, backstabbing tot in the lot earns the right to be saved by Jesus.

And ABC should do ‘American Incest’ – where horrifically fucked up families compete each week for the title of ‘Most Dysfunctional’.
Oh hell, I’d tune in just for the ‘Daddy Put His Hand Where?’ elimination challenge!

And let’s not forget NBC! Those cats should jump aboard the sinking ship that is network television with ‘Fertility Factor’ – where teenage girls try to outslut each other in the race to impregnation and eventual ‘Live This Sunday – Baby Daddy Paternity Test’!!!!

Now that’s quality teevee the whole family can enjoy!

February 3, 2009 at 4:25 pm 4 comments

What’s wrong? Credit got your tongue?

According to a recent poll, Americans find it easier to talk about the day Uncle Hollis’ face met the business end of the hay baler than mention the ol’ MasterCard.

We’re even more apt give the gory details of our last one-night stand (and thanks SO MUCH for that graphic account, Sheila – eww) than disclose the dollar amount on our Discover card.

“Talking about credit card debt is an overwhelming social taboo. There is a social paradox happening people who are faced with credit card debt are unwilling to face their financial issues and therefore may be leaving it unresolved, said Ben Woolsey, Director of Marketing and Consumer Research for

This – to me – is nothing short of fascinating.
No — really!! It’s more than fascinating — it’s FASCINATACULAR!!!

These days, the idiot box is nothing more than a malfunctioning mental toilet — crammed full of shit like the skankerific I Love New York, the bangfest that Big Brother has become, Dog The racist, human beef-jerkey Bounty Hunter and any of the MANY baby-daddy paternity smackdowns that litter the landscape of daytime television.

Teevee ‘programming’ leaves the same taste as that quart of milk I left in the car about 3 hours too long this weekend. But it’s not just the boob tube — talk radio and, err, well yeah, the Internet aren’t much better!
::: well, ‘cept for the porn … porn’s alright … for medicinal purposes and all …  :::

I mean, with the stupidly notable exception of the absolute gay paranoia tidal wave sweeping the nation (so they’re getting married — get OVER it, Prudeholm!) – one would think every topic is considered ‘in bounds’ these days.

Ahh, but not so!

Eight out of 10 adults (82 broke-ass percent of us) are reluctant to openly discuss our credit card debts with someone we just met — but we have nooooo problem letting him get his grope on while checking out the fusica and lime bustier/thong set when we were in that really cool room behind the back room at Le Cie …. uhhhh, wait … what? …. I mean when my friend wa… ehhhACK!!!
::: NEVER slammin’ Tequila again!!!! :::

July 8, 2008 at 8:34 pm 3 comments

A&E is A-OK with racism

Duane Dog Chapman, racist SOBDuane ‘Dog’ Chapman, the world’s most famous racist, over-sunned, racist, bleached out, racist, chain-smoking, racist, bounty hunter, will return to the A&E network nearly eight months after a taped verbal assault against his son’s black girlfriend forced the network to yank his stank-ass crap show from its lineup.

“We’re really confident that the time is right to bring him back,” said Dan Silbrman, the network’s vice president of publicity.
And by that he meant ‘our ratings are down and we know how much the public loves to watch a human trainwreck but we couldn’t sign Britney so we’re bringing the Dog back.”

During a media event at the Kahala Hotel on Wednesday to announce the show’s return, Dog spewed forth the following idiocy:
“As far as the word that I said, it hurts people’s feelings. I am not famous for that.”

Umm, yeah you are.

May 15, 2008 at 10:36 pm 4 comments

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