Posts tagged ‘rape’

WHAAAAT?!


I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or be so afraid I soil myself — but I think the smart money is on an all-out crying jag complete with full-blown conniption in the middle of my cul-de-sac for all the world street to see.

Why?

I …
I …
Oh god, I can’t even say!

ACK!

Ihadasexdreamaboutjohnmccain

OK, there. I said it.

ACK!!!

How did this happen?
How could this happen?
Did I drink too much specially spiked Cookie Kool-Aid during the Super Bowl?
Did I consume something so spicy it rendered me completely clueless – even during my R.E.M cycle?

I’ve been giving myself the third-degree all day!
I just don’t know!

But there I was, in my dream, looking over a proposed redistricting map of Palm Beach County working up a good rage over the scheme.
In the room were several political figures, including Charlie Crist (who I know good and well why I wasn’t propped to bump fuglies with *wink wink*) and John McCain.
I’m looking at the map, gettin’ my ‘You bastards will never get away with this’ ‘tude when all of a sudden Big Mac is behind me and … well, peepaw is 100% proppin’ me and EWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Whatinthegoddmanedmutherfuckingbloodyhell?!?!?!
I …
I …
I can’t go on!
What does it mean?!

Republicans are raping America? Fucking us where we stand with our pants on?!

That’s got to be it, right?

RIGHT?!?!

You have to tell me that’s right because otherwise I’d be afraid it meant something vomitus extremus and I’d worry I’d have to turn in my bleeding-heart liberal commie pinko card, which I will never surrender willingly!

Oh please – someone help me — is there some magic elixir out there I can use to wipe clear the apparent and thoroughly twisted corners of my sick, sick mind?
If so, take pity and help a sister out – email that fix to mmmm.lifeisacookie@gmail.com

February 8, 2010 at 11:22 am 6 comments

Here we go again …


!!!!! SICK BITCH ALERT !!!!!
!!!!! SICK BITCH ALERT !!!!!
!!!!! SICK BITCH ALERT !!!!!

 

Geez it’s gonna be crowded at the Mother Of The Year awards!

It seems like just yesterday that the hoochie twins were making news for their partiality to little-boy peen … and now we get to add 38-year-old Juli Faunce to our ever-growing ‘Pedo’ file.

But, unlike Tweedle Defective and Tweedle Diseased, Faunce doesn’t go for 13-year-old ass.
Nope! She likes ’em older!
Lean, mean and not a blackhead over 14!!!
::: … can’t drive, can’t shave, can’t stay up past 9 — oh yeah, so much to offer! :::

faunceOn Sunday December 28, police were called to her Delaware apartment where Mamma Bad Perm put on her big fat liar face and told the popo that a neighborhood boy had forced her 14-year-old daughter to have sex with him.
::: Little whipperslut!! :::

The fuzz then contacted the boy’s mother who said her son had sex alright — but it was with Mamma Faunce – not her teenage daughter.
::: PREDITORY! :::

Suddenly Juli gets jiggy with the factitudes and admits that *SHOCK* ‘yes, officer, I did have sexual relations with that boy!’ … on at least TWO occasions when he spent the night at her crib in November.

And that mess about Mr. Baby Luvah having sexy times with her daughter?
TrueEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

SOURCE

December 30, 2008 at 2:30 pm 7 comments

POP QUIZ!!!


18311284_640x360ht_tuckruskye_081216_mn

OK OK OK – Can anyone tell me what these two hoochie twats have in common?

Is it:
1.) A deep love of peroxide?
2.) The Jaclyn Smith collection at K-Mart?
3.) The two-for-one burger bonanza at Checkers?
4.) A penchant for prepubescent peen?

From the looks of these, uhh, “ladies” you might logically conclude 1, 2 OR 3 … but it’s actually Number Four that binds these bitches together as sisters in sin.
::: Calling SHAME – party of two? SHAME – party of two … :::

yuckHo’bag on the left is 45-year-old Elizabeth Gaddy, who likes Maybelline products, long walks on the beach and gettin’ touchy with 13-year-old schoolboys at her house or on a dirt road or, you know, wherever … 

And the raggedy piece of dried-up skank on the right is 44-year-old Joan Tuckruskye, who likes to get nekkid in the back of her Nissan Pathfinder and offer [you guessed it] 13-year-olds a slice of her fuit-pie nasties.

You know, not for nothin’ here, but there really outta be a national outreach program dedicated to training our youth in Black Ops evasion techniques and supersweet Ninja moves so they can bust a bitch UP and swing on outta there whenever one of these post-menopausal mastodons makes a move on their jubbly bits.

No joke!
Teach the children … and teach them well – because you can NEVER underestimate the destructive power of Avon perfume, Strawberry Hill and needy middle-aged vag strapped with little-boy LoJack … that shit will mess you UP!

December 19, 2008 at 3:39 pm 11 comments

I mind that he did


What is it about The View that makes people pimping their books lose their damned minds and blab all their nasty, private, potentially criminal business to the entire free world?
::: Hasselbiatch :::

Perma-Jaundiced George Hamilton appeared on the chatfest to hype his memoirs ‘Don’t Mind If I Do’ when he confessed to the planet via the unholy tribunal that he was raped by his 28-year-old stepmother, June Howard, when he was 12 … ‘cept tomatohead didn’t phrase it quite that way.

When I was 12 I had a relationship with my stepmother… It was very normal. She didn’t make me feel bad about it. It wasn’t dirty,” he blabbed. “Was I molested? Damn, I’m down for it again,’ he said, laughing like a moron who suddenly realizes he said a bunch more words than he might should have and now he’s got some ‘splainin’ to do!

As the story goes, Georgie boy was living his dear ol’ divorced dad and his stepwhore in New York when the whole nasty mess began.

“One rainy day, when dad was at work, I was lying on the daybed in the living room where I had been sleeping,’ he writes in the book. “June, in an ice-blue peignoir, came over to join me. She didn’t say anything. She just lay down beside me for a while, then mentioned something about “cuddling”. What followed was as natural as the birds and bees neither of my parents had gotten around to telling me about.

“From my point of view it wasn’t something so crazy  –  I don’t think it warped me in my life.”
::: uuuhhh huuuhhhhh ::: 

No warpage at all! In Hammy’s world statutory rape is natural – de rigeur, if you will.
Ladies pushin’ 30 gettin’ their groove on with middle school lads — yep — totally normal.

But hey, I’ve heard you can’t rape the willing, so maybe he’s onto something there, I don’t know. But what I do know is — I DON’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT, GEORGE!!!!!

Once you know something like this, you can’t un-know it! It’s like info-herpes — once you have it, it’s always there …

Seriously dude – you were funny as the wacky, out-of-touch plastic surgeon in Doc Hollywood and I think you’re mildly appealing in those baked chip commercials where you poke fun at your own sun-dried-tomato-yness.
You have matured into a somewhat nifty piece of comic relief of the totally non-sexual nature. Throwing your peen back into the mix now, when you’re like 1,000 years old is just breach of contract!

Know your role, peepaw!

Good grief! I have barely healed the deep (DEEP) emotional scars suffered after watching Barbara Walters’ desperate attempt to stay relevant by broadcasting tales of a thirty-year-old bi-racial booty call with a married US Senator and now I have to deal with this mess?!?

I can’t tell you how much time and money I had to devote to serious freebasing and heavy drinking therapy just to get the awful, horrible, vomitous image of Babs’ kneeknockers jigglin’ all over hell and creation while she bumped fuglies with this Edward Bro … OH FUCK — I CAN STILL SEE IT!!!

Thanks a lot, George!

SOURCE

October 20, 2008 at 10:41 am

How To: Kill Fatty


 Richard Cooey is a loser lardbutt waste of human space retarded idiot scatwad.

Whaaatttt?!?
I’m not spreadin’ rumors or anything!

He admits it – and so do his lawyers!
::: Well, the lardbutt part at least – the rest is a well-founded editorial opinion :::

Cooey’s the assface you see here:
<—

While sitting on Ohio’s Death Row for the 1986 rape and murder of two women, Cooey has surmised that he is too much of a blubberhead to have that pesky little death sentence thingy carried out — and he got all suey about it just in case people weren’t listening.

His lawyers filed suit in federal court arguing that the murdering rapist they represent had poor veins when he faced execution five years ago and the problem has gotten worse as their murdering rapist client has packed on the pounds. They also say prison officials have had difficulty drawing blood from the murdering rapist they represent.
::: my heart bleeds 4 u, murdering rapist!!! :::

Attorneys for the big fat murdering rapist also say a drug their rapist-murderer fat fuck of a client takes for migraine headaches could affect the execution process.
::: if only :::
And a physician hired by the Ohio Public Defender’s Office said Cooey’s fatassness, combined with the potential drug resistance, increases the risk he would not be properly anesthetized.
::: I got a cure for that … Zzzzzzttt! :::

This story puts me in mind of the time I took my first steer to the packing plant for processing.

I’d said my (extremely tearful) goodbyes to Sir Loin at P&B MeatPacking and was walking toward the office when I heard about 4 quick squeals that were quite obvously not from delight.

Just then, a stubby guy in a bloody apron burst through a set of swinging doors.
Making a beeline for the back wall, he was muttering a healthy string of obsenities juuuust audible enough for an 11-year-old girl to memorize.

I giggled.
He stopped.
He turned around.
I swallowed my gum.
He grinned.

Then he spat on the floor, turned back toward the wall, reached up, grabbed a shotgun mounted above a homemade ‘Cash Only’ sign and disappeared back through the swinging doors.

Seconds later I heard *chhkkk chkkk* pump.
Then a blast.
Then silence.

That’s how they have to do it sometimes when the charge can’t make it through the pig’s fat.

I’m thinking a shotgun shell might be the perfect solution for the fatass murdering rapist asshole pig on Ohio’s death row who thinks he is just too much for the quiet chemicals of lethal injection.

Worth a shot, right?

August 5, 2008 at 5:57 pm 1 comment


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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