Posts tagged ‘president’

Don’t be a bitch. Vote! Then bitch ;)

October 22, 2012 at 7:35 pm 1 comment

Just in case you missed the awesomeness

Which I would completely understand given the fact that it was an exhausting but wholly rewarding National Signing Day yesterday, after which you collapsed in a heap of inebriated, blobby JOY like I did and maybe, just possibly, perhaps missed another satisfying Jon Stewart logic/reason/reality badass beatdown of Bill O’Reilly’s assfucked accounting of current events.

If so – enjoy …

February 4, 2010 at 11:49 am 6 comments

Dobbs in 2012?


The blubbery, rubbery rosacea-faced Republican got his fo’ shizzle on when asked by Fred ‘Red October’ Thompson whether he’d consider running for President in 2012.

“Yes is the answer,” he blah blah’d over the airwaves.

Lou “There’s aliens ever-whurr!” Dobbs wants the White House.
Not so fast, peepaw!
I mean, this shit ain’t presidential!
::: … or, hmmmm, IS it … :::

“I’m gonna be talking some more with some folks who want me to listen to ’em in the next few weeks. I mean I don’t even know what to tell you in terms of where I’m leaning. Because right now I’m fortunate to have a number of just wonderful options.”

Something vaguely famililar here … wakspeak … can’t commit to an original thought without prior advisor approval … no plan … don’t know … well, maybe … ‘options’ … blessed fortunate this’n’that …

… where have I heard this kind of confusing communicatory caca before??
Oh yeah …..


Get excited!!!
Ring the bells and release the doves — this is GREAT shit!!

The Republican party is just a big ol’ natty bunch of nimrods who have gone absolutely and 100% gonzo retard!
Can you smell the AWESOME?!?
I mean, this basically guarantees we’ll get ringside seats to THE greatest show on Earth – a field fucking full of mouthfarts like Beck or Limbaugh or Hannity or Coulter (don’t count that skank out) thinking their blowhardiness can blow hard enough to diminish my boyfriend‘s glittery shimmery aura of audacified hopification.


But, you know, this could be one seriously big buncha F-U-N!
Let ’em all run!
Well, everyone but Limbaugh.
Those hamhocks rubbing together at a runner’s pace would generate enough heat to melt that fucking lardass right … where … he … stan … uhh, on second thought RUN RUSH RUUUUUUN!!!!!

November 25, 2009 at 11:04 am 4 comments


We were witness to the most tumultuous time of testosterone turmoil in the entire known history of the planet … and we didn’t even know it!!

See, there was this superserious scientifical researchification that was executed last election eve and the results are 30 kinds of IN!

You ready?
You sure?

Ok then … there now exists laboratory PROOF that my boyfriend is so powerful that he can deflate the collective nutsacks of Republitards everywhere with just his awesomeness alone (thus ensuring appropriate and effective evolution.
::: well, sort of 😉 :::

A study published online by the Public Library of Science (PLOS One) revealed that men who voted for John McCain in last year’s presidential election saw their testosterone levels plummet when they learned he had lost to Barack Obama.


But no.
This is science.
This is serious stuff here!

Saliva samples [collected using methods I’m not sure I really want to know about] from 163 men on election night showed that dudes who had Big Mac’s back and dudes backing O’Beautiful had similar testosterone levels when the polling stations closed, but the levels of the big T in McCain backers went down harder than Levi Johnston on Bristol Palin when my boyfriend was announced as the winner.
::: This is where I’d normally say ‘suckit losers!’ but, given the facts at hand that may have been just what was needed at the time … just sayin’ :::

Supporters of McCain or Libertarian Party candidate Bob Barr — who the study noted didn’t have a whore’s chance at heaven of getting elected — showed “significantly larger testosterone decreases” than Obama supporters from the time when polls closed to as long as 40 minutes after my boyfriend was declared the glorious new king of America … when they were all testin’ that T by chanting ‘Yes We Did!’ as they got their glittery, rainbow-infused, hopificated FREAK on!

Yeeeaaahhhh … that was a good night 😉


October 23, 2009 at 10:03 am 4 comments

Rare photo!! Bipartisanship in action!!

Senate Finance Committee Chairman Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., left, shakes hands with committee member Sen. Olympia Snowe, R-Maine after a committee vote on the health care reform bill today.

It’s NOT just a myth!

Way to go, Olympia Snowe!
::: The ONLY Republican senator professional enough to put politics aside and at least try to do the right thing. :::
“When history calls, history calls.”
– Sen. Olympia Snowe, R-Maine

October 13, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Geography FAIL



Remember that family vakay we were all forced to take during the delicate, formative years of our middle school ‘experience’?
The one where the ‘rents piled our whiny snotnosed selves into the Pace Arrow and headed ‘West to see America’??
The one where you pretzeled yourself in an effort to make sure you had at least one digit representin’ in every spot at Four Corners???

Well, funny thing about that …

“According to readings by the National Geodetic Survey, the Four Corners marker showing the intersection of Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah is about 2.5 miles west of where it should be.”


Ayep – a good old-fashioned fuckup back in 1868 has led to countless Kodak moments where little Timmy and Sue took turns getting a hand in Arizona … and, as it turns out, a foot in Arizona … and another foot in Ariz — well, you get the idea.

That photo album? Pitch it.
That commemorative mug? Ditch it.
That computer screensaver you like so much? Switch it.

Your ‘precious memories’ will get you about as much as the fake Louis the chick at RaceTrac keeps behind the counter.

What – OH WHAT – are we to make of this betrayal, America?!?

Are we just supposed to now assume we are georgewvisiting the real birthplace of George Washington when we go to the Virginia spot the government claims is the exact spot his mamma birthed that bitch?
I don’t think so!

And what about Washintgon’s Mount St. Helens?? How do we know it’s not the bigger, more unstable ‘supposedly dormant’ volcano 2.5 MILES AWAY that nobody talks about because the guy monumentizing shit that day was too lazy to check it out??
We don’t!

And Devil’s Tower in Wyoming? Allegedly our ‘first national monument’??
Oh right! Like I’m really gonna believe Teddy Roosevelt named christened that crap back in 1906!
I wasn’t there!
Were you?!? Nooooo.
The first time I saw that shit was in Close Encounters. For all I know it’s just a really big set prop!

What are we to believe?
Where does this heinous treachery against the American people end?!?

My God — what IS this madness?!?

Next thing you know we’ll find out Santa’s not real!


April 21, 2009 at 3:34 pm 6 comments

6th time’s the charm

Scant hours after their brethren linked arms and marched in lockstep to vote against O’Baby’s audacious stimulus package of hope, members of the Republican National Committee were apparently too tuckered out to properly pick their own panel’s presider.
::: … the relentless pursuit of cantankerous shortsightedness is hard, yo! :::

After a seriously snoozerific series of ballot calls – rivaled only by the Franken-Coleman Senate Seat Steel Cage Match of Retardation – RNC members realized dinner time was fast approaching and finally picked a chairman.
:: Woo hoo — just in time for the Early Bird! :::

After five ballots, it was down to the Maryland Man of Color, Michael Steele and South Cackalackee’s Whitie (Katon) McWhiterson (Dawson).
::: decisions DECISIONS :::

GOP strageeeegerists were literally sweating the possibility of electing Dawson, who had acknowledged his membership in a whites-only club,  because – well, what the hell kind of fucked up GD signal does that send to a county that bitchslapped your party nine ways to Sunday in front of your mother on your birthday in the last cycle of elections. 

It’s ok, we were all there – you can say it … a baaaad one.

So RNCers threw their hands in the air, waved ’em like they jess don’t care and did the unthinkable by voting 91-77 in favor of ‘Yeah? Well so can WE!!’ – making Steele the first African American to chair the RNC.

Now that’s change we you us them him I can believe in!


January 30, 2009 at 10:27 pm 6 comments

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