Posts tagged ‘poverty’

Patience, panhandlers!

It’s (almost) time to get happy, hobos because there’s a superserious respectable labor economist-type thinker out there projecting there will be more jobs than people to fill them in the United States by 2018.


That’s right breadliners!
You are free to now fully embrace your unemployability and savor that soup kitchen flavor ‘cuz salvation is a mere 2,920 days away!!!


In his positively atrociously titled report (After the Recovery: Help Needed – The Coming Labor Shortage and How People in Encore Careers Can Help Solve It), equally atrociously titled Barry Bluestone, Dean of the School of Public Policy and Urban Affairs at Northeastern University, forecasts that within the next eight years there could be at least 5 million potential job vacancies in the United States.


And nearly half of them (2.4 million) in social sector jobs in education, health care, government and nonprofit organizations …


… assuming a return to healthy economic growth and no change in immigration or labor force participation rates, that is.

Did he sneak in an ‘assuming’ in there?

“If the baby boom generation retires from the labor force at the same rate and age as current older workers, the baby bust generation that follows will likely be too small to fill many of the projected new jobs.”

Did I sniff an ‘if’?

I did!

‘Assume’ + ‘If’ = UNCERTAINTY!!!


Ohh, but hang on there bums – there is a silverlining to Mr. Smartypants’ analysis.

His report is one of four released this week by MetLife Foundation and Civic Ventures, a think tank on baby boomers, work and social purpose. And all four soboringifyouhaveinsomniayou’llbeasleepinnotime reports come to the same conclusion:
Workers over 55 will be vital to meeting work force shortages.

So, see?
Good news!

Long about the time your retirement savings run out and you’ve surrendered or sold most of your assets to feed the members of your extended family and their families who had to move in with you just to get through the New Great Depression ™ – you’ll get to go back to work!



March 25, 2010 at 10:13 am

No pay no stay

It’s just all-out hostility against the hobos and the poors these days!

Even after getting serious stimulus money, states are still cutting jobs, bull-dozing benefits and — as of this month — one city (NYC) will begin charging rent to working families staying in public homeless shelters.
::: What’s next?!? Tipping the breadline soup scooper??? :::

This latest societal bitchslap to the bereft is made possible by a 1997 state law allowing shelter managers to force flat-broke fams to fork over a portion of their income, depending on the shelter and family size.

For some of the strapped, this could mean handing over up to half their earnings.

(for serious!!!!)

How is a family supposed to save enough to get out of the shelter when they’re coughing up more than 50% of their take-home cash to the shelter?

::: rhetorical question, Bub — no one believes you care … :::

“I think it’s hard to argue that families that can contribute to their shelter cost shouldn’t,” commented one callous commish. “I don’t see this playing out in an adverse way.”

You sure about that??

Because I’m thinking that a state that eagerly earmarks

  • $2,500 for the Doll and Toy Museum of New York City
  • $2,500 for the Brooklyn Cricket League
  • $6,000 for the Harlem Honeys and Bears senior citizen swim team
  • $6,500 for the Utica Curling Club
  • $10,500 for the American Association for the Improvement of Boxing
  • $15,000 for the Urban Yoga Foundation
    – would probably enjoy some pretty sweet PR if it found a way to pinch off a few pennies for the penniless, right?
  • Right?!?

     I hope so, ‘cuz you gotta know it would take a ginormous truckload of NOTHIN’ for me to instigate an uprising of the impovrished when I visit New York in two weeks!


    May 12, 2009 at 3:51 pm 6 comments

    Pearl of wisdom?

    Forget Barbie and Bratz — those whores are soooo last decade.

    pearl1There’s only one little toy person out there who can properly encapsulate the drek, the despair, the droning drudgery that is this New Great Depression: Poor Pitiful Pearl

    From her saggy black stockings to her sizzlin’ sack cloth dress, Pearl just screams ‘Victim Of A Failed Economy’ without ever having to say a word!

    Bitch is sraight-up talented like that, ‘kay?

    She doesn’t care about your failed programs!
    She’s not sweatin’ the stock market!!
    Hell, she’s not even looking for a cut of my boyfriend’s massively audacious stimulus package of hope-infused sparkeliciousness!!!

    Pearl doesn’t have time for that mess because she’s too busy cutting in line at the unemployment office [like me], dumpster diving for tomorrow’s breakfast [like me!], and rationing her anti-anxiety meds in the hope of making it just one more day  [like m .. uhh, YOU!! ].

    pearlPearl simply cannot spare one precious second on all the gloomy economic wah wah going around these days because being flat-broke and fabulous is a full-time gig!! 

    Look at that hot slut!! –>
    She’s got the greatest deconstruction, nonconformist grip on this nouveau povertè where less is, well, all you get, beggars!

    Bitch doesn’t even need shoes!
    She is my idol … my new role model … my raison d’etre of indentured servitude to debt!

    From here on out, I consult the Oracle of Pearl on EVERYTHING because it’s just so clear that every answer to every question ever asked of anyone in the entire history of the known universe can be ascertained just by surrendering to the hypnotic stare of her freaky static doll eyes!!!

    Go ahead!
    try it!

    I’m doing it nowwwwwwww — and it’s beeaaauuuutttiiiffuulllllllllll!!!!!!

    February 24, 2009 at 5:20 pm 19 comments

    Automakers predict drop in sales

    Omigod omigod omigod!!!!! The bigwigs at Chrysler are totally gettin’ their psychic freak on!!!
    They are up there in their officey-type enclosures divining information the rest of us can only take wild guesses at!

    “We’re going to report much lower sales versus last year” for the month of June, Chrysler’s Jim Press told reporters.


    How did he know?!?
    June just ended yesterdaySPOOKY!!

    No Money“Industry analysts expected Chrysler and nearly all other major automakers [except Honda] to see big sales drops for June.”

    What is going on here?

    Are they all reading tea leaves?
    Has someone visited the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi?!?
    Did Nostradamus predict such a happening??!!??
    Is this prophesy the product of a cold reading? A hot reading? Or, perhaps, an illooooosion?!?!?
    And can you sense the overt sarcasm by my abundant over-use of question marks AND exclamation points – TOGETHER?!?!?!?!?!!!!!
    What could it beeeeeeeeee?????!!!!!!?????!!!!!

    Oh wait … that’s right.

    Gas costs a gozillion dollars a *&%%$#@! gallon, layoffs are as common as summer teevee reruns, food prices are through the roof (which would be the roof you can no longer afford) … so, like, riiiight man, I get it now.
    Broke ass broke folk (i.e. YOU) aren’t buying cars.

    Umm, like duh and stuff?

    Way to pump a no-shit story, wire services!

    July 1, 2008 at 2:51 pm 4 comments

    This is the shit you bitches are reading

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