Posts tagged ‘pluck’

Some advice for John McCain


Barack Obama is a lot younger than John McCain

Anyone but me see the potential for a Nixon-Kennedy type age/charisma/sweaty old man thing shaping up here?

Hey there Big Mac, you may be one sexy old beeyatch but get a damn makeover already!!

Seriously.

— The ruddiness of your geriatric paperskin makes your teeth look yellow. Bleach those Chiclets, will ya?
— Pluck or dye those scarybrows
— Tuck in the turkey-waddle
— And lose the combover, ‘kay? There’s nothin’ goin’ on up there. It’s ok. We know … you’re bald.

Take your Maverick Beef and go consult the expert maintaining physical stasis for more precise directions.
No – not Dick Clark! The old C-word herself — your wife, Cindy Lou, you silly!

Make an appointment and get your hot cross buns to a spa.
Git R Done, peepaw!

Trust me — you can benchpress a gozillion pounds on national teevee, armwrestle Schwarzenegger, swim the English Channel and Bungee jump the Empire State Building — but the moment you stand next to Barry the Beautiful you will look like America’s great uncle Nestor — the smelly old guy you prayed wouldn’t stand next to you in every family photo.
Ahh yes, Uncle Nestor — the geezer with the cold, shaky, age-spotted hands who remembers being the first family on his street to have a telephone, smiles sweetly when talking about penny candy and ‘talkies’ and falls asleep ten minutes after Sunday dinner (which is served in the afternoon).

You wanna be that guy?

June 4, 2008 at 6:13 pm 15 comments


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